


No Quarter

by liketeachingpoetrytofish



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Angel Dean Winchester, Angst, Biblical References, Demon Dean Winchester, Destiel - Freeform, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fallen Castiel, First Time, Humor, Kid Sam Winchester, M/M, Minor Character Death, Soul Bond
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-17
Updated: 2014-01-17
Packaged: 2017-12-23 20:16:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 77,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/930681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liketeachingpoetrytofish/pseuds/liketeachingpoetrytofish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Of course there wasn't much he could do without getting in trouble with the big guy downstairs, not that he gave a shit about what Lucifer thought. He may be his boss, but that didn't mean that Dean had to always be the perfect little henchman. Hell, he'd always been a rebel, even keeping his old name instead of picking out something a bit more akin to the names of his fellow demons. But then again, he wasn't just a demon. He was actually a bit more. To be specific, an angel of Hell.</p><p>Being an angel of Hell wasn't easy in the first place. But being head over heels for his best friend who was an angel of Heaven? Well that just made it ten times worse. Angel!Dean fic in which Dean and Cas are angels on opposite sides who get the same charge to raise the Antichrist, who happens to be Sam. Lots of domestic stuff and angst.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dean

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is the result of a month of late nights spent frantically writing and countless cups of coffee. It's 29 chapters total (roughly 113K) and is full of fluff and angst. It's a mainly domestic Destiel fic, with Sam growing up throughout it. I'll be updating it every Saturday until it's all up. Reviews are very much appreciated cos I love knowing what you guys think!
> 
> The title is off the song by Led Zeppelin. Go check it out. Great song, and the lyrics sorta fit the fic in some parts.  
> If you're looking for Sam/Jess or Samandriel/Adam, those pairings come in later.
> 
> Also, if you have any questions concerning this fic, you can write me on my tumblr: [barty-has-the-tardis](http://barty-has-the-tardis.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy it!

Dean hated Mondays. He hated everything about them, but he especially hated the coffee. Monday coffee was always the worst. He'd always wondered why this was the case. It probably had something to do with the fact that the humans weren't quite out of the weekend and not far enough into the week to start functioning properly. Sometimes he really hated them.

Of course there wasn't much he could do without getting in trouble with the big guy downstairs, not that he gave a shit about what Lucifer thought. He may be his boss, but that didn't mean that Dean had to always be the perfect little henchman. Hell, he'd always been a rebel, even keeping his old name instead of picking out something a bit more akin to the names of his fellow demons. But then again, he wasn't just a demon. He was actually a bit more. To be specific, an angel of Hell.

He'd gotten the position after Crowley had reviewed Dean's file while Dean was soaking in a vat of hot oil. Dean didn't exactly remember much of his first days in Hell. He remembered it being very, very hot, and there was a Jefferson Starship song playing on repeat through his head, which was hell enough in his opinion. It was all sort of hazy in his mind and he remembered being very pissed at the short man with the accent who kept shouting things at the incoming souls.

Dean had disliked Crowley from the beginning, and they still weren't on good terms. Crowley wanted to rule Hell, but he was stuck as the greeter for now, which just made him pissed 24/7 and a real fucking pain to be around, which was part of the reason that Dean was rarely downstairs. He did have Crowley to thank for his current status however, even if it was Crowley's job to pick out those souls that would make good demons and the occasional angel.

Being promoted to an angel was something that Dean didn't expect. He'd always thought that there were two choices in Hell. Either you were strung up on a rack and tortured for eternity, or you grabbed the whip and did the torturing yourself. Apparently the position of a Hell angel was reserved for those who were truly horrible in life, whose souls were so blackened and charred by the time that they got to the hot place that all they needed was that extra little shove and they could be one of Lucifer's minions, the worst of the worst. Even some of the head demons shied away when these angels walked past.

Dean didn't know what to do about the fact that he had been deemed worthy of this position. He supposed he should be proud of the fact that he had been so fucking horrible in his life that he got a one way pass to the next level of hell spawn and didn't have to worry about the whole eternal torture thing, but something still didn't sit right in his chest. He didn't dwell on it though because he shouldn't. He was an angel of Hell, he didn't have time for doubts or the fact that sometimes he wished he had gone up instead of down.

Dean sighed heavily and glanced out the window of the coffee shop he was currently sitting in. His coffee had gone cold over an hour ago and he had been dropping torn off pieces of his napkin into the cup for the past twenty minutes so that he had created a sort of slush.

He had no reason in particular to be here. Well, actually he had one, but mostly he just wanted to do something, go somewhere other than the endless hallways and racks down in the hot place. Sometimes you just needed to get away and have some time to yourself. He also appreciated that it was the middle of winter because one could only spend so much time in temperatures designed to burn off mortal flesh before you started getting a little bit sweaty.

Dean watched a group of teenagers walk by the shop, huddled so closely together that they looked like one great big coat with three sets of legs. One of the boys made a face at Dean as they passed him. Dean flicked a finger lazily and then cracked a small smile as the boy slipped on a patch of ice that had appeared out of nowhere. He fell hard on his ass and the other two laughed at him for some time.

Dean turned his attention back to his coffee/napkin piece hybrid drink thing. He frowned down at it and it burst into flames. Shit. He quickly put it out, hoping that nobody saw his drink suddenly spontaneously combust. The people around him seemed oblivious to the fact that he had lit his coffee on fire and he sighed and leaned back further in his chair. It was just one of those days when his mood caused mini fire bursts, literally.

The door of the shop opened with a chime and a man walked in. He was dressed in a long tan trench coat over a black suit with a blue tie that was facing the wrong way. Dean grinned and waved him over. The man looked around nervously and then padded over to slump into the chair across from Dean.

"Hey Cas," Dean said happily, flashing the other angel a bright grin.

"I told you not to call me that," Castiel said, pouting a bit.

Dean grinned wider. Castiel was an angel of Heaven who he had met a few decades ago. They had formed a weird sorta friendship, and by weird Dean meant fucking illegal. Hell angels and Heaven angels weren't even supposed to make eye contact with each other, let alone watch movies together on Saturday nights. If Crowley knew that Dean's best friend was an angel of Heaven he'd probably throw a bitchfit and plead with Lucifer to have Dean put on the rack, not that Dean cared what Crowley did, hell he didn't give a flying fuck about what his fellow demons thought of him, cause he genuinely liked Cas. Sure the angel was a dick at times, not to mention the fact that he didn't even know what a toaster was, which was mostly due to the fact that he had been around during Noah's Big Ass Ark times and hadn't really gotten acquainted with technology yet.

Castiel looked at Dean's coffee cup, which was smoldering slightly and Dean gave him a sheepish smile. Castiel rolled his eyes and tutted his tongue in the way that Dean had actually come to like. He liked Cas a little more than he should, okay, _a lot_ more. Castiel was actually pretty decent for a Heaven angel, and Dean didn't even want to think about the fact that Cas was fucking hot with those pink lips of his and that crazy hair that Dean had tried to gel flat one time, in vain of course. Dean knew that he had it bad for Cas, but there was no way he was ever going to let Castiel know that. It was against all demon laws to even talk to an angel of Heaven and Dean didn't think he'd even be able to count how many laws he'd be breaking if he tried to start a relationship with one. That didn't stop him from letting his eyes travel over the stubble lining Castiel's cheeks.

It was a strange thing to be an angel on earth, to be trapped within a human body, even if it did resemble the one that you had during life. Dean had never thought much on the matter before he met Castiel, it didn't pose a problem until he first laid eyes on Castiel's baby blues. He had popped a damn boner right in the middle of the street and had had to fucking fly out of there on invisible mode in order to take care of it. So much for being a supernatural being or whatever, he could still get hard-ons for fucking hot angels.

He wasn't exactly trapped in his body per se. It was complicated. When he was in Hell he was almost like a thought that he could shape into whatever he wanted. Up top he was confined to a human body, he was flesh and bone again, but not entirely. Sure he still had all the same sensations as when he was alive, but he doubted other people's eyes glowed red when they got pissed or that they could heal paper cuts by blowing on them.

Dean had created his body when he'd gone on his first mission, which had been to collect the soul of a tax broker who was going to choke on a hot dog at precisely three pm on May 24th. Dean had decided to model his body after his old one because he quite liked the way he used to look. He had to add a bit more flair though, a new leather jacket and badass boots that left a sizzling fire trial when he trumped around in the hot place. All his old scars from his time among the living were gone of course, and anytime he even got a scratch he would just heal it up. Another perk was that he was constantly in his prime, which meant that he could eat as many pies as he wanted and never gain a pound.

Castiel, on the other hand, didn't much care for the physical realm. He'd been wearing the same trench coat for over a hundred years and Dean was constantly flipping his tie around and smoothing out the wrinkles in his suit. If the guy was going to go for formal the least he could do was make an effort. Dean always had a small bit of hope that one day Cas would ditch the getup and don some tight jeans and some sort of leather vest, cause Dean was quite certain that Cas would be able to pull off anything.

Castiel sniffed loudly and scowled at the table. "I dislike the cold," he mumbled.

Dean snorted and mumbled, "You're such a baby, Cas."

Cas pouted, sticking his bottom lip out and crossing his arms as he sunk lower in his chair. They had this thing that they did, where they'd meet at coffee shops around the world and chat for a few hours. They'd been to all fifty states, Paris, Italy, Greece, and nearly every other major country or city. Currently they were seated in a shop in Kansas that was known for its house roast. It was Dean's week to pick the shop and he was rather fond of Kansas snow, so here they were, even if Cas didn't like the snowflakes that were still sticking to his long eyelashes as he blinked up at Dean.

Dean licked his lips as he watched Cas look around at the rest of the people in the shop. It was a habit that had formed somewhere around his seventeenth year of life as a human. He'd constantly lick his lips or run his tongue over them in life and the habit had carried over to his new "life" as a Hell angel. Other demons had little ticks as well, but Dean didn't often pay attention to them, he was too busy noticing the little things about a certain angel.

Castiel had his fair share of quirks. He did a shit ton of squinting and he used way too much hot water when he showered, not that Dean usually waited for Cas to finish showering, but they'd camped over at Dean's place a few times after marathoning Star Wars and getting drunk as fuck. Cas liked to always be fresh before he went back to his angelic duties.

Heaven's angels had similar assignments to Hell's angels. They both retrieved souls, but Heaven angels often were given a charge to watch over and guide, a human, someone that had a special place behind the pearly gates. Castiel had had one such charge a long time ago and Dean hadn't seen Cas for a long time. It had been the worst seventeen years of his life and he was almost thankful when Cas's human kicked the bucket one night trying to save a kitten from a fire. His soul was instantly sent to Heaven and he became, as Dean liked to call him, "Heaven's most adorable angel". Samandriel was still close to Castiel and more than once Cas had bemoaned not being able to take Samandriel with him when he went to visit Dean.

Dean had never been given a charge, that was usually the demons job, to rear a soul and form it so that one day it could crash its semi into a bus full of children or some other shit. Hell angels were usually given the task of transporting souls or doing special little tasks for Lucifer. Dean had taken on a few solo jobs, like chasing down a rouge demon and putting her on the rack. He had winced at her screams, but done his job anyway, because if you disobeyed a direct order from the Prince of Hell himself you were eternally screwed.

"I want to go to Disneyland," Castiel said suddenly, playing with the peeling edge of the table.

"Disneyland?" Dean echoed, peering at Castiel over the top of his dark shades.

Castiel nodded. "It's supposed to be the happiest place on earth and I've never been."

Dean shook his head. "That's just their advertising slogan. It's actually just a bunch of dudes dressed up like gay princes. Although they do have fucking delicious churros and you gotta ride Space Mountain at least once in your life."

"How can a mountain have the universe?" Castiel asked.

Dean gave him a look. "It's a rollercoaster, Cas."

"Oh," Castiel said.

He looked down at the table, his brow still furrowed. Dean patted him on the arm, letting his fingers linger over his material of Castiel's coat as he said, "You wanna go to Disneyland? Then fine. Let me just grab my Hawaiian shirt and we'll head over there."

Dean wasn't actually kidding and he got that fucking weird twist in his gut when Castiel's eyes lit up at the suggestion. Perhaps he and Cas could go to Disneyland and he could maybe sorta put his arm around Castiel's shoulders during one of the rides and then kiss him on the cheek right at the camera on Space Mountain.

Dean and Castiel never got to go to Disneyland, however, because Dean's cell phone went off, blaring "Highway to Hell" throughout the coffee shop. Dean let go of Castiel's sleeve and pulled the phone out of his pocket. He cursed under his breath as he read the 666 number. Fucking Crowley.

"What do you want?" Dean hissed into the phone when he picked up.

"Watch your tone," Crowley snapped. There was the sound of someone screaming and then Crowley continued, "Lucifer's got a job for you."

"I'm kinda busy at the moment," Dean cut in, glancing up at Castiel, who gave him a questioning look.

"You've been given a charge," Crowley said and Dean's mouth clicked shut.

"Don't fuck with me, Crowley," Dean growled.

"You're not my type and I'm not kidding. Lucifer assigned you himself. He's got big plans for this guy and wants to make sure that the procedure goes smoothly." Crowley took a breath and then said, "So you better get your pretty little ass down here so I can give you the 411 on your new human cuddle buddy."

The sound of Crowley hanging up clicked in Dean's ear and Dean set the phone down gingerly. Castiel looked up at him with confusion and he stuttered, "I, uh, I gotta go."

"Is everything okay?" Castiel asked.

Dean nodded. "Just a little something I gotta deal with downstairs."

"Ah I see," Castiel replied. He got up, brushing himself down as he said, "I'll let you go then."

Dean sighed and got up as well. He extended a hand to Castiel. "How bout we go to Cali for our next date."

Castiel's eyebrows furrowed and he asked, "I fail to see how these meetings are dates."

Dean reddened and dropped his outstretched hand. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. Fuck, he was stupid. Castiel was sharp and he would find out eventually that Dean was interested in more than friends. But Dean wasn't prepared for Cas to give him an appalled look and then flit away.

It was bad enough that they were angels on opposite sides, but the fact that they were both male made it worse, on Castiel's part anyway. According to the holy book, dudes weren't supposed to lie together or whatever. Not that Dean cared what the big book of Jesus said, but Castiel did, and the prospect of him and Dean being together was way out of the question. It was a major sin, which meant that any chances of Dean getting some action with Cas were next to none.

Dean cleared his throat and waved his hand. "Just forget about it. I'll see ya later okay."

The confused expression still stayed on Castiel's face, but he let Dean hold the door open for them as they headed out into the snow. They made their way down the snow covered sidewalk. Castiel pulled his coat tighter around him, and Dean fought the urge to put his arm around Cas so that they could share body heat, which was something that Castiel seemed to lack.

"Shall I send you a pigeon with a suitable coffee shop in California?" Castiel asked, crinkling his nose as a snowflake fell on it.

Dean rolled his eyes. "Cas you gotta get with the times. No one sends mail via bird anymore. You've got that phone I gave you, right?"

Castiel's brow furrowed more and Dean sighed. He put a hand on Castiel's arm, lifting it so he could reach into the pocket of Castiel's coat. He tried not to focus on how he could feel Castiel's breath on the side of his face as he fished around for the cell. It was a futile mission and he withdrew his hand and then plunged it into the pocket of Castiel's pants.

Castiel made a little noise in the back of his throat as Dean's fingers delved deeper in the pocket. Dean tried to hide his satisfied smile. His fingers brushed what he knew to be the phone, but he wasn't done messing with Castiel. He let his thumb brush against the thin fabric of the inner pocket, rubbing over Castiel's thigh in the process.

Castiel visibly shuddered and the movement made Dean go still. Shit. Cas wasn't supposed to respond like this. Dean glanced up at him and saw that Castiel was breathing heavily, his eyes shut. Fuck fuck _fuck_.

Dean quickly grabbed the phone and drew it out, noting how Castiel relaxed as soon as Dean's hand left his pocket, although his cheeks remained tinged and Dean suspected that the pink wasn't entirely from the cold, which made his stomach do a flip flop and his breathing speed up. Fuck, he needed to get himself together.

"Uh," he mumbled, straightening up and holding the phone loosely in his hand.

Castiel opened his eyes and Dean's mouth went dry because he hadn't expected those baby blues to be obscured by the dark circle of Castiel's pupils. Castiel was obviously aroused and it was because of him. Shit.

"You wanted to..." Castiel panted and Dean's mouth fell open slightly as Castiel's rough voice reached his ears.

Castiel was breathing hard still and Dean wondered why Cas was so affected by this. Sure they were standing so close that they were practically breathing the same air, but Cas was panting like he'd just come down from an orgasm or something. The thought made Dean's gut twist and he licked his lips slowly, watching the way Castiel followed his tongue back into his mouth.

Castiel's eyes locked with Dean's and he rasped, "The phone, Dean. You wanted to show me something."

Dean shook his head. "Right, right. Yeah, um," he tore his eyes away from the dark depths of Castiel's and focused on the phone, scrolling through the contacts until he found himself. "You can text me," he explained, making sure Castiel was watching him as he opened a text message and typed out "Hi".

He hit the send button and took out his own phone as it buzzed aggressively. "I'll get the message and text you back." He pointed to Castiel's phone, "This is the send button. Just type out what you want to say on the keypad and then hit it."

He didn't mind explaining these things to Castiel and he watched as Castiel took the phone and made a text that read, "Hello, Dean." He sent it and gave a small smile when Dean's phone buzzed in response.

"Got it?" Dean asked, eyes glued to the small smile that was still on Castiel's lips.

Castiel nodded and then put the phone back in his pocket. His hand stayed there and the other one played with his collar. His eyes were everywhere at once, but refused to meet Dean's despite the fact that Dean was staring quite intently at him.

Dean gave up eventually when Castiel fixed his gaze on his shoe. He patted Castiel on the shoulder, saying, "See you round, Cas. Text me okay?"

"I will," Castiel replied quickly, his eyes darting up to meet Dean's briefly before going back to his shoe as his cheeks flushed pink again.

Dean smirked and made a point of bumping his shoulder against Castiel's as he made his way down the sidewalk. He glanced over his shoulder, but Castiel was gone, leaving just the swirling snow in his wake. Dean huffed, squaring his shoulders against the sudden wind that had sprung up. He marched on, listening to the sound of the snow crunching under his boots as his mind replayed whatever the hell had just happened between him and Castiel.

He had tried to work up Cas, and Castiel had responded in a way that Dean completely wasn't prepared for. Hell there was a moment when Dean thought Castiel might close that last little bit of distance and kiss him. His dick gave an excited twitch at the thought and he groaned, scrubbing at his eyes with his hands as he rounded a corner.

He really needed to get a hold of himself. He had been given a charge and the only thing that was on his mind were Castiel's blown pupils and the image of Castiel sprawled out underneath him, swollen lips panting his name as Castiel came for him, screaming to the heavens. The thought sent a hot spike through Dean's body and he had to stifle back a moan. He needed to get out of here and head downstairs already.


	2. Charge Conundrums

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel's eyes began to glow threateningly, the pupils becoming a bright white burning ball of light tinged by the blue of his irises. Dean knew that Castiel was challenging him and there was no way in hell he was going to go one on one with his best friend in the middle of a fucking adoption agency. However, that didn't stop him from making his eyes burn a bright red from behind his sunglasses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uploading the next chapter a day early due to the fact that I'll be too busy to update tomorrow. I'd like to thank [anequalopportunist](http://anequalopportunist.tumblr.com/) for betaing this fic. Go and give her some love!
> 
> I also took a few liberties in the design of Dean's angel form, which you'll see in the fic.

Dean headed down an abandoned alleyway, checking quickly behind his back to make sure no one was following him. When the coast was clear, Dean closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He began to sink slowly into the concrete, lower and lower until he was fully enveloped by the earth. He hated going this way, but it was the quickest, even if it squeezed quite a bit. It was almost like being shoved through a tube, compressing your entire body into a space that was meant for something the size of a quarter.

When the constricting finally stopped, Dean was standing at the huge gates that led to Hell. He brushed the dirt off his jacket and stretched, getting the aches and kinks out of his wings and thrashing his tail from side to side. Yeah he had a tail, a thin, spiked tail that grew out of his ass. It was visible when he was down here, along with the huge, sinewy wings that erupted from his shoulder blades. If he really wanted to, he could have his tail and wings when he was up top, but he found that those aspects of his true form tended to unnerve the human population.

Dean adjusted his sunglasses over the fiery red that now burned in his pupils. His nails had also sharpened themselves into fine points so that they were practically claws. He didn't much care for this form, but at least it was better than what the Heaven angels looked like. Cas had complained to him multiple times about the halos and the robes. Heaven angel wings were covered in fine feathers, which apparently got everywhere and made Dean thankful that it was leathery skin that stretched between the bones of his wings. No feather problems there.

He stood up straighter and headed toward the black gates. The opened at the swipe of his hand and he passed through them into the raging inferno. The souls that made up the walkway tried to part as Dean's boots came down upon them. Their cries echoed in his ears and he tried to step more lightly, but his footprints still left the poor souls burning in mini craters.

He made his way to where Crowley's desk was stationed. Crowley was leaning back in his chair, flipping through some paperwork, a pissed expression on his face. He looked up as Dean's boots echoed off the coals that were embedded in the pathway that led to Crowley's workspace.

"Finally," Crowley hissed, slamming the file on the desk. A high backed chair appeared in front of him and he motioned to it. "Sit."

Dean glared at him, but slumped into the chair, folding his wings carefully behind him. He tapped his nails on his knee as he waited for Crowley to root around in his file drawer. A slew of swears came from behind the desk about "finding the bloody sodding file". Finally Crowley reappeared with a manila folder in his hands, which he handed to Dean with a sniff.

As Dean opened the folder, Crowley said, "His name is Sam Winchester. Aged seven years, five days, six hours, and," he glanced at his watch, "thirteen seconds. And as of now, he's officially an orphan."

"What a shame," Dean mumbled, as he flipped through the file.

There was a picture paper clipped to a sheet of information. Dean picked it up. Sam was a handsome child with a mop of shaggy hair that nearly covered his hazel eyes. There was a sad smile on his lips and Dean felt kinda bad for the kid.

"He's also the Antichrist," Crowley said as though he had just told Dean something as simple as the fact that Sam had brown hair.

Dean raised an eyebrow and Crowley laced his fingers together as he said with a slight smirk, "The big guy wants you to raise him."

Dean nearly dropped the file. "What?!"

"Congratulations, it's a boy," Crowley replied, that fucking smile of his growing larger.

Dean leaned forward in his chair, pointing a finger at Crowley. "I'm not raising any fucking kid, you got that?"

"Yes, you are. Lucifer chose you himself, so you're now little Sammy's caretaker."

"No," Dean said firmly, slamming the file down in front of Crowley.

Crowley shook his head. "Yes, Dean. You know you can't disobey a direct order from his royal hellness."

Dean opened his mouth to retort, but he promptly clamped it shut, nearly clipping off his forked tongue in the process, which he also had courtesy of his form down in Hell. He knew that he couldn't say no to a direct order from Lucifer, even if it meant becoming a stay at home dad or whatever the fuck he was supposed to be to this kid.

He took a deep breath and said evenly, "Fine. What do I hafta do?"

Crowley tapped a pen on his desk as he answered, "You'll be going to the adoption agency where Sam is currently. I've already arranged it so that you'll just need to sign the papers and then you'll have little, sweet, Sammy. From there you'll just make sure that he'll be ready to end the world in about ten years."

"Great," Dean groaned, the tip of his tail flicking in annoyance.

He stood up, his wings flexing and unfolding as he grabbed the file off Crowley's desk and tucked it under his arm. He could feel Crowley's eyes on his back as he made his way over to the gates again. He gave the demon the bird and then made with his tail what was considered a very obscene gesture to other demons. He could hear Crowley make an appalled noise as he passed through the gates and back into the world above.

Shadow traveling was the way to go, although shadows were fickle things and they often made it so that you came out in front of a bus instead of a back alley. Thankfully Dean appeared in a park near the agency where he would be picking up Sam.

Dean stretched again, letting himself adjust to being back in a human body. He pressed his sunglasses further up his nose, cringing at the blinding sun that was above him. Sam was currently in California and the thought made Dean's mind shift back to Cas and their earlier conversation about Disneyland. Almost on cue his phone buzzed and he picked it up to see a message from Castiel:

_Justgo ta neew chargge. :69 P_

Dean chuckled. Obviously Cas hadn't quite figured out how to use the keypad, although Dean wouldn't mind if Castiel's charge was a good old fashioned 69 with him, but that wasn't the case. He quickly typed out a reply:

_Great. I'm in Cali right now. Wanna meet up later?_

He sent the message and then immediately cursed because he had this kid to deal with now and he knew for a fact that Castiel would ask questions and then Dean would have to make up some story. There was no way he could tell Castiel that Sam was the Antichrist. Heaven's angels would be all over Sam, trying to pry him away from Dean's demonic influence. He'd have to tell Cas that Sam was just another soul he was rearing for some dark purpose or something like that. Or maybe he could just leave Sam with some babysitter and go out with Cas. That would be easiest.

He sniffed and checked the file on Sam again to make doubly sure that he was in the right place. The building loomed ahead of him. Sunny Days Adoption Agency. He pursed his lips and stepped quickly up to the door. It opened with a chime and a portly woman with mousy brown hair greeted him.

She gave him a bleached smile and said, "Welcome to Sunny Days Adoption Agency. Are you hear to adopt?"

"Sure am," Dean replied, putting on his best smile as he leaned on the counter. "I'm here for a Sam Winchester."

"You must be Mr. Winchester," the woman replied. She gave Dean a sad smile. "I'm so sorry."

Dean blinked. "For what?"

"Why for the death of your brother and his wife, of course. A car accident is no way to go." She held Dean's hand in hers and Dean tried not to recoil as she crooned, "But God bless you for taking little Sam in."

Dean snorted. God wasn't going to be blessing him anytime soon, that was for sure. He smiled again and squeezed the woman's hand. "It's my pleasure."

She gave him a pat on the arm and then said, "If you'll excuse me, I'll go get the papers."

"Sounds good, sweetheart."

Dean flashed her another winning smile as she scurried off, leaving Dean alone in the office. He went over to one of the small chairs and slumped down into it, propping his feet up on the coffee table that was covered in magazines. He picked up one of the entertainment ones and skimmed through it, smiling to himself as he recognized some of his fellow demons in the pages.

The bell tinkled and Dean raised his eyes to look at the man who had just come in. His heart skipped a beat as he saw that it was Cas. When Castiel saw Dean his eyes went wide and his hand twitched a bit. He looked around and then stormed over to where Dean was sitting, towering above him.

"What are you doing here?" he hissed.

"Whoa, man," Dean said, putting his hands up. Castiel's eyes narrowed and Dean could tell that he meant business and he continued, "I'm here because of my charge."

What little color that was in Castiel's face drained from it and he stuttered, "Your what?"

Dean smiled. "My charge! I finally got one!"

Castiel was breathing fast and he said, "Dean, I'm here because of _my_ charge."

"What?" Dean asked, standing up so that Cas wasn't above him anymore.

"My charge is a little boy here," Castiel explained, motioning around the room.

Dean gulped and said slowly. "Sam Winchester?"

Castiel's eyes went wide. "Yes. How did you know?"

"Cause he's my charge as well."

Castiel's mouth dropped open a bit and they were both silent for a minute before Dean said loudly, "Fuck."

He didn't expect the little slap that Castiel gave him, admonishing, "Don't swear, Dean."

Dean rubbed at his cheek as he retorted, "I think swearing is much needed in this situation."

"No," Castiel reprimanded, "Swearing is never needed."

"Dude we've been assigned the same charge! We're both supposed to raise the Antichrist for our sides!"

"Shhh," Castiel hissed, placing a finger on Dean's lips and looking around to make sure the woman hadn't come back.

Dean let his tongue dart out and lick a stripe up Castiel's finger. Cas yelped and pulled it away, giving Dean a dirty look, which only got him a wry smile from Dean, who said, "So what do we do?"

"I carry out my orders," Castiel said, straightening up, "I'll take Sam and raise him to be a servant of Heaven."

"Oh no you won't," Dean said, grabbing Castiel by the shoulder as the angel made to leave, "Sam is my assignment just as much as yours. Kid was handpicked by Lucifer or whatever. I'm supposed to make sure he starts the apocalypse later."

Castiel shrugged Dean's hand off. "I am well aware of what Sam is destined to do, and I am here to make sure he does not." Castiel's expression turned dark and he growled, "And I will not hesitate to remove obstacles that stop me from completing my task."

Castiel's eyes began to glow threateningly, the pupils becoming a bright white burning ball of light tinged by the blue of his irises. Dean knew that Castiel was challenging him and there was no way in hell he was going to go one on one with his best friend in the middle of a fucking adoption agency. However, that didn't stop him from making his eyes burn a bright red from behind his sunglasses.

"I'm not gonna fight you, Cas," he hissed.

"I don't think you'll have a choice," Castiel replied.

Dean could feel the power thrumming through the other angel. If he squinted he could even see the outline of Castiel's wings shimmering into existence. Their true forms tended to bleed through when they used their powers up top and Dean could now make out a faint glow that surrounded Castiel's head, shimmering into existence along with his wings.

Castiel's silver blade appeared in his hand and he raised the other hand, the palm burning with an unnatural light. The power crackled through the room and Dean hissed. His wings smoked into existence, filling the room as he stretched them out fully. His tail thrashed about behind him as he flicked his tongue out at Castiel in a challenge. If this was how things were going to be he wasn't going to back down like a chicken.

Castiel's wings unfurled, the dark feathers puffing in a warning. Castiel's wings were something that Dean had always found interesting. Unlike his other brethren's white as snow ones, Castiel's wings were a midnight black. Castiel had shied away from the question when Dean had asked him, stating instead that he wasn't in anyway proud of his wings and he didn't want to talk about them.

Now that Dean could see them as Castiel raised them high, he had to say that he was rather impressed. The wings were a bit more scraggly than some of the other Heaven angels Dean had fought. Cas's wings were patchy and they desperately needed a good oiling, but there was something innately Cas about them that made Dean smile to himself.

A sudden wave of intent from Castiel made Dean's mind come back to the fight at hand. Castiel's whole body was buzzing with energy and his halo was fully visible now, shining bright around his head like something out of a Renaissance painting. Dean thought Cas looks fuckinghot and that was not the train of thought he should be dwelling on right now. Castiel was challenging him to a fight that would end in one of them claiming Sam and there was no way Dean was gonna go slinking back to Crowley with his tail between his legs.

He growled at Castiel and his claws worked their way out of his fingertips. Fire began dancing up the material of his jacket, burning along his arms, matching the mini inferno exploding behind his glasses, which he tore off, tossing them the side and fixing Castiel with the full force of his glare. Castiel didn't shy away from the dangerous fire in Dean's eyes. In fact he took a step closer, the white light burning brighter and making his eyes glow like miniature suns.

"I will not show mercy on you, Dean," Castiel said, his voice much deeper, echoing around the room as his wings flared.

"I'm not asking for your mercy, pal," Dean retorted, his tail flicking back and forth between his legs.

Castiel bared his teeth and raised his blade. It shimmered in the light that was exuded from him and Dean's eyes followed it as Castiel brought it down quickly. He sidestepped the sharp edge and then wrapped his tail around Castiel's right leg, pulling it out from under him.

Castiel fell hard on his ass and Dean took the opportunity to pin his arms to the floor, straddling his waist as he did so. Castiel may have been an older angel than Dean, but Dean had been trained. He had fought in a couple of wars between the demons and angels. He was battle trained and pinning Castiel had been easy.

Castiel struggled under Dean and Dean moved Castiel's hands so that they were both above his head and he could hold his wrists with one hand. He racked his nails down the side of Castiel's neck, drawing thin stripes of blood from Castiel's human body. They weren't deep enough to let any of the grace pounding through Castiel's veins to seep out, but they were a warning.

Dean leaned down and flicked his tongue against Castiel's cheek. He tried to focus on the fact that they were engaged in a battle and not on the fact that Castiel tasted heavenly, no pun intended. Dean smiled down at Castiel, the points of his teeth pressing into his bottom lip slightly. He was so worked up right now that they had become close to fangs, which was useful at times and fucking bothersome at others.

"Get off me," Castiel commanded.

"No," Dean hissed, "Sam is my charge and I'm going to walk out of here with him, you understand?"

Castiel's grace burned brighter and Dean felt Castiel bring his legs up and brace his feet against the ground. He bucked up and Dean hissed as the force made Dean teeter a bit. Castiel used the moment of lost balance to shove Dean off him. Dean barely had moment to collect himself before Castiel was upon him.

Castiel kicked him squarely in the back, sending him face first into the smelly carpet that covered the floor. Dean felt Castiel grab his hands and pin them to his back. The angel shoved Dean's cheek into the carpet and Dean felt a knee pressing into the small of his back so that he was effectively trapped.

He gasped as Castiel's fingers fisted in his hair. His head was yanked to the side so that Castiel could look at him and a part of Dean's perverted mind immediately went to how this could have played out differently if there was a lack of clothing and perhaps a collar involved. Castiel obviously didn't have the same idea as he angled his blade under Dean's throat while keeping Dean pinned down.

The cool metal of the blade pressed against Dean's skin and Dean knew that Castiel wasn't kidding around. The thought made him scared and his quick mind began calculating a way out. An insane possibility planted itself in his brain and he gasped out, "Cas. Cas, wait!"

The pressure from the blade abated slightly and Dean stuttered, "What if we raised him together?"

There was silence from Castiel and Dean craned his neck in an effort to see the angel's expression. Finally Cas said in a soft voice, "What are you talking about?"

"If you'd get off me, I'll tell you," Dean growled.

Castiel backed off and Dean stood up. He brushed off his jacket and checked his nails, flicking a piece of carpet from under one. Castiel's wings and halo were still perfectly visible although the burning white of his eyes had dulled a bit. Dean let his eyes simmer and folded his wings casually behind his back as he launched into an explanation.

"We could raise Sam together, that way we'd both be fulfilling our orders."

"But the child would be under the influence of an angel and a demon," Castiel pointed out.

Dean shrugged. "So? Who said the kid had to swing one way? Maybe he can just be in the middle. Not join your guys or my dudes, ya know?"

Castiel's brow lowered and he chewed on his bottom lip in thought. He had folded his wings as well and Dean waited with baited breath for his answer. The idea was fucking crazy, he knew that, and if they were both raising Sam together then that was going to bring up the fact that it would be easiest for Sam if they were living together, which was a terrifying and wonderful thought in itself.

Castiel's shoulders slouched and he sighed. He ran a hand through his hair and the glow in his eyes dulled until they were their normal blue and then he said, "I don't think it's a very good idea, but it's worth a try since I'm not too keen on killing you, or letting you raise the Antichrist."

Dean's face broke into a grin and he hopped forward to gather Castiel up in a bone crushing hug, even going the extra mile to wrap his wings around Cas. He pulled back before things got as awkward as they were earlier with the whole phone thing. An odd expression flitted over Castiel's face at the loss of Dean's arms, but it was gone as soon as it had come. Castiel's wings and halo soon followed, fading from sight as Castiel became an unsuspecting man in a trench coat again.

Dean let his wings and tail fade as well. He retrieved his sunglasses from where they had fallen and put them on as he smoothed out the wrinkles in his jacket. Castiel was looking nervously at the desk where the woman had been when Dean had walked in.

"She'll be back soon," Dean told him, fighting the urge to sling an arm around Castiel's shoulders.

Castiel licked his lips and Dean watched that pink tongue until it disappeared again. He was really contemplating asking Castiel if they should just bunk together. He had no idea how raising a kid worked, but he knew that if they were both going to do it that they should probably be at one house as to minimize stress for Sam. The kid had already lost his parents, which was bad enough.

The mousy haired woman came back and gave a confused look at Castiel. Taking a chance, Dean said, "This is my partner, Castiel."

"Oh," the woman said, losing her smiling composure for the briefest of seconds before she said with a fake smile, "Well I'm glad that Sam will have two parents again."

Dean could feel Castiel stiffen next to him and he took another huge chance by grabbing Castiel's hand tightly. Castiel's whole body clenched up and Dean waited for the angel to fling him against the wall, but Castiel just remained rooted to the spot, his palm pressed against Dean, eyes slightly wide. Dean went the extra mile and intertwined their fingers together. This elicited a small jerk from Castiel, but nothing more.

The mousy woman pushed a clipboard toward Dean. "If I could just have you fill this out and we'll have Sam get his things."

"Great!" Dean replied, plastering that smile on his face again.

The woman left again. Dean grabbed the clipboard and went over to the chairs that sat against one of the walls, dragging Castiel with him. He flopped down in one of the chairs and then yanked Castiel into the other, refusing to let go of Castiel's hand. Castiel's fingers tightened over Dean's and he squeezed hard. Dean ignored him, focusing on the clipboard instead. He had Castiel's hand in his and there was no fucking way he was going to let go now.


	3. Sam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel gave him a look and he went still. He chalked it up to a good thing that Castiel hadn't dropped his hand, or tried to break it again. And maybe he just happened to only have a bed for him and Sammy, which meant that Cas would either have to sleep on the couch, or share Dean's bed, which was much more comfortable of course. Although, if Castiel and he were sharing the same bed that meant that there was the very real possibility of Dean unintentionally spooning Castiel in the middle of the night because he tossed and turned like hell and he was rather drawn to another warm body beside his. But maybe Cas would be fine with it and snuggle closer to Dean and then Dean would wake to Castiel's lips and the angel's hand in his hair, yanking and pulling, sucking and nipping and shit why did he always let his mind wander like that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is up so late today! College life is hectic and I'm home for the long weekend and cos of the fact that my family got a cat out of the blue.
> 
> Sam's in this chapter, obviously as evidenced by the name. As always, thanks for the kudos and feedback!

After about ten minutes of Dean filling out various forms, Castiel stopped trying to crush his hand and leaned back in the chair with a sigh. Dean heard him muttering to himself and he raised an eyebrow. He inched his foot out and brushed it against Castiel's.

"Dean," Castiel warned, shifting in his seat.

"Just playing the part," Dean replied.

He gave Castiel's hand a squeeze and then signed his name on the bottom of a paper. He set the clipboard on his knees and waited for the woman to come back with Sam. Castiel was staring at a bare patch in the carpet and Dean wondered if it was the result of their little fight earlier. Dean figured now was as good a time as any, and he cleared his throat.

"So," Dean drawled, tapping his thumb against Castiel's, "Are we gonna pick out curtains for the baby's room?"

"What?" Castiel asked, still staring at the carpet.

"Sam," Dean replied, "We're his parents now or whatever. It'd be easier if we, ya know, were all under one roof."

He could see Castiel's brow lower out of the corner of his eye as Castiel said, "Are you suggesting that I move in with you?"

Dean shrugged. "That would work best seeing as you don't really have a home sweet home." Castiel chewed his bottom lip in thought and Dean said, "Come on, man. We're raising Sam like a normal kid or whatever, and having a place to call home would be good for him."

"I suppose," Castiel agreed. He sighed dramatically. "Fine. But I'm going to clean up your apartment first cause it's disgusting."

Dean snorted. "It is not."

"Dean, you had three week old Chinese food wedged in the cushions of your sofa."

"So?"

"So, it's unhealthy and gross and it was beginning to rot."

"Whatever."

Dean put his chin in his other hand and absently tapped the beat to "Ramble On" over Castiel's knuckles. They waited for a few more minutes and Dean was getting quite restless now. Castiel's hand was a warm reassurance and he was well aware of how their thighs had somehow pressed against each other as they sat there. Dean bounced his leg up and down, listening to the small sound that the fabric of his pant leg made against Castiel's.

Castiel gave him a look and he went still. He chalked it up to a good thing that Castiel hadn't dropped his hand, or tried to break it again. And maybe he just happened to only have a bed for him and Sammy, which meant that Cas would either have to sleep on the couch, or share Dean's bed, which was much more comfortable of course. Although, if Castiel and he were sharing the same bed that meant that there was the very real possibility of Dean unintentionally spooning Castiel in the middle of the night because he tossed and turned like hell and he was rather drawn to another warm body beside his. But maybe Cas would be fine with it and snuggle closer to Dean and then Dean would wake to Castiel's lips and the angel's hand in his hair, yanking and pulling, sucking and nipping and shit why did he always let his mind wander like that?

He bit his lip as he tried to fend off what would have been a rather impressive boner. Thankfully the woman came back and Dean got distracted by the small boy she had in tow. Sam was hiding behind her skirt, peeking out ever so slightly to look at Dean and Cas, who was watching Sam as though he were a bomb about to go off.

Dean dropped Castiel's hand reluctantly and got up. He gave Sam a smile. "Hey, Sammy."

Sam ducked behind the woman entirely and she said, "He's a bit shy." She ushered the child out and held him in front of her so that he was facing Dean as she said, "Your uncle is going to take you to live with him and his partner, Sam."

Sam's little face scrunched up in an angry expression, but he didn't say anything so Dean kneeled in front of him and extended a hand. "I'm Dean."

Sam didn't respond. He just looked down at his shoes and the woman mused, "Does he remember you?"

Dean looked up at her, his brain working fast. "Last time I saw Sam he was less than a day old and Cas and I live way out of state, like so far you wouldn't even be-"

Dean stopped as Castiel, who had seemingly appeared behind him, put a hand on his shoulder and looked down at Sam. Dean had to smile as Castiel's rough voice said softly, "Hello, Sam."

Sam looked up briefly at Castiel and then quickly lowered his gaze back down to his tiny shoes. Dean stood up and threw an arm around Castiel's shoulders and whispered into his ear, "Don't worry, baby, I'm sure Sam will let you read that Jesus book to him each night."

Castiel bristled and Dean knew that he'd overstepped the line, but damn did it feel good to call Cas baby. He let his lips linger near Castiel's ear for a second and then pulled away as the woman coughed. Sam was still watching the ground and Dean dropped his arm from Castiel's shoulders as the woman began speaking.

"We have all of Sam's things ready to go if you're all done with the paperwork."

"Sure am, darlin'." Dean handed her the clipboard and she gave him another bleached smile before scurrying off down a hallway, leaving Sam alone with Dean and Cas.

Dean could tell that Castiel was uncomfortable. He'd been around children before, as had Dean, but there was still something unsettling about the innocent eyes and the fact that anything could imprint upon this tiny life. It was tenfold with Sam, what with him being Mr. Apocalypse bringer. Although Cas could be uncomfortable for other reasons, Dean was really dragging out this whole partner thing, but he wasn't going to stop anytime soon.

Sam scuffed his right shoe against the carpet and Castiel jumped as though the sound were a bullet being fired. Dean chuckled and wound his arm around Castiel's waist, resting it on the angel's hip as he leaned close to whisper in Castiel's ear again.

"Scared of a little kid?"

"Unwind your arm from me, Dean," Castiel hissed back.

"No," Dean retorted. He pulled Castiel closer until their hips touched. "I don't think I will."

Sam looked up as Dean finished speaking. He fixed Dean with a glare and Dean hesitated a bit cause fuck that little tyke looked damn intimidating. Sam's tiny fists clenched and unclenched and Dean's arm slipped away from Castiel. If Sam really was the Antichrist then that meant he had power, and Dean didn't want to be on the kid's bad side.

Castiel was watching Sam warily and Dean could see his fingers twitch occasionally when Sam's fists balled again. Sam looked like he wanted to say something, but each time his mouth opened, no words came out. He finally gave up and clamped his jaw shut with an audible click.

They all stood there in silence for a bit and Dean was just about to ask Sam if he liked Queen when the woman and two older children came into the room, toting two small, battered suitcases with them and a small plastic bag. The woman looked at Dean and said, "I can have Chauncey and Silas take Sam's things out to the car if you'd like."

"Oh no," Dean replied, "We got it."

He stepped forward and took the rolling suitcase handle, steering it over to Cas and handing it to him, then he went back to grab the duffle bag. He hadn't really thought about how he was going to get Sam back to his apartment, which was around eighteen hours away, mere seconds if the shadow traveled, but he doubted that Sam would just roll with that mode of transportation.

Dean did have a car, a fucking fine car too. He owned a '67 Chevy Impala that was always in pristine condition. It was his baby and he liked to driver her around on weekends with the windows rolled down, doing way over the speed limit on back country highways. Cars were something he had loved as a human, and the Impala had been his while he had been alive. He'd spent all his life savings on her and she was actually the reason he ended up in the hot place. But the fact that he died in a car crash didn't stop Dean from breaking the speed limits in the afterlife, or whatever this was.

He supposed he could just take Sam and Cas back in baby, but he didn't really want a grubby kid getting Cheetos all over the leather of the backseat, which was funny because he'd fantasized about fucking Cas into that leather, which probably would have made it much dirtier. But Sam had to get back to his apartment somehow and since Dean doubted Cas had any form of transportation, it looked like it was going to be baby.

He shouldered the duffle bag and reached into his pocket, where the keys to the Impala had just appeared. Castiel was still standing in front of Sam and the others and Dean left him there as he made his way to where the Impala had materialized outside of the adoption agency. Sometimes being a demon had its perks when it came to things like having your car instantly appear wherever you wanted it to.

He opened the trunk and tossed the duffle bag in before going back into the agency to collect Sam and Cas. Sam was watching Castiel from under lowered eyebrows and Castiel was still watching him as though he might explode. Dean put a hand on Castiel's shoulder and smiled down at Sam.

"You ready to go, buddy?" he asked.

Sam's eyes narrowed and he grabbed the small bag out of the woman's hands. He clutched it to his chest tightly, and stormed past Dean and Cas, heading for the Impala. Dean turned back to the woman and gave her a smile before taking Castiel's free hand and steering him outside with the suitcase dragging behind him.

Sam was leaning against the door of the Impala, his hands in his pockets. Dean patted him on the shoulder as he passed him and Sam glared at him. Dean fought the urge to stick his tongue out at the kid while he hoisted the large suitcase into the back of the Impala. He shut the trunk and then went to open the door for Sam.

Sam swatted his hand away from the door handle and Dean pulled back to let the kid get in on his own, commenting, "Easy there, tiger."

Sam ignored him, crossing his arms and slumping down into the backseat, the bag still held to his chest. Dean shut the door on him and then turned to get the door for Cas, who let him hold it open as he slipped into the passenger seat. Dean had to laugh cause this felt way too fucking weird. He was about to drive back to his apartment with Cas and a fucking kid in tow. It was domestic to a tee and part of him was loving it.

Dean liked kids as much as the next person, he was just rarely around them. He'd been an only child as a human and he'd never had any children of his own. He did have a girlfriend for a bit that had a kid, and Dean had tried to play the good boyfriend, taking Ben out to baseball games and giving him the "dad talks" when he had the chance. But he and Lisa had broken up after a while cause Dean just couldn't commit the way she wanted, so it was bye bye Ben and domestic life and hello late nights at the auto shop with AC/DC blaring into his ears from his old stereo.

Now he was sorta doing it again, except this time it was with Cas and Sam and Dean had a feeling that this could turn out really fucking bad if he wasn't careful. Cas seemed good with everything so far, but Sam was still so quiet, not saying a word as they started the long drive to Kansas. Cas was silent as well, although he kept sneaking glances back at Sam in the rearview mirror.

About an hour into the drive the quiet became too much for Dean and he popped a cassette into the player. Guns N Roses blared through the car and Castiel jumped. Dean chuckled and turned the volume up louder, "Sweet Child O' Mine" echoing through the small space. Castiel glared at the player and then at Dean and Dean began singing along, tapping the beat on the steering wheel. He started to air guitar a bit of the song and Castiel's eyes went wide.

"Dean you're going to crash!" he cried.

He grabbed Dean by the wrists and placed his hands on the wheel again. Dean laughed and continued singing, keeping one hand on the wheel while the other played a set of invisible drums. Castiel sighed and sunk lower in his seat. Sam was still staring straight ahead at the road.

Dean started to lower the volume with a wave of his hand, but he thought better of it and turned it down with his fingers before saying to Sam, "Name some of your tunes, kid. Is Styx more your style?"

Sam didn't answer. He just crawled over to the right side of the backseat and pulled his legs up to his chest. "No shoes on the leather, pal," Dean scolded.

Sam kicked off his shoes and let his socked feet rest on the seat. Dean nodded and then put his eyes back on the road, not that there was any chance of them crashing, but still. It made Castiel feel better at least. Cas rarely traveled normally and Dean could tell that he was a bit on edge. He kept looking nervously out the window and biting his bottom lip.

Dean patted him on the thigh. "You want a barf bag?"

"No," Castiel replied, moodily.

He crossed his arms and stared down at his shoes. Dean rolled his eyes and went back to humming along with the music. There was a sudden jarring of his seat and he turned around to find Sam kicking the back of it.

"What the hell?" he said angrily.

Sam stopped and glared at Dean, but he didn't say anything. Dean gave Castiel a look and Castiel said softly, "Perhaps he needs to relieve himself."

"Kid could use words for fuck's sake," Dean mumbled.

Castiel punched him in the arm. "I told you not to swear, Dean."

Dean stuck his tongue out at him and then looked at Sam in the rearview mirror and asked, "You want me to pull off at a gas station?"

Sam nodded and Dean looked ahead at the sign that they were passing. He called back over his shoulder, "Five minutes, okay? And don't kick my seat again or you'll be riding the rest of the way on the roof."

Sam's stuck his tongue out at Dean and Dean pointed a finger at him. "Don't you fuc-"

Castiel cut him off, turning around to look at Sam as he interrupted Dean. "Don't do that, Sam. It's rude."

Sam's tongue went back in his mouth and Castiel gave him a nod. He turned around and Dean glared at Sam in the mirror. "Right little ray of sunshine he is."

"Just pull off here," Castiel replied, pointing to the exit.

Dean parked the car outside the little convenience store that the station had. As soon as he turned off the ignition, Sam opened the door and made his way into the store. Dean motioned to his receding figure. "Should one of us go with him?"

Castiel shrugged. "Is it necessary to help him with normal bodily functions?"

"Guess not," Dean replied.

He rolled the driver's side window down and let his arm hang out of it as they waited for Sam. Castiel sighed and Dean looked over the dash to make sure Sam wasn't coming back before saying, "What's up with the kid? I mean he doesn't talk and he looks like he wants to murder us."

"His parents just died in a car accident," Castiel replied, "He's probably still suffering from grief."

"Nobody went mute when I kicked the bucket," Dean huffed.

Castiel's expression turned confused. "You died in a car accident?"

Dean looked over at him. "Yeah. I was going one-twenty on a back highway. Looked away from the road for a second and then next thing you know I'm down in the pit of despair. I thought I told you that."

"I don't recall it," Castiel said, "I was under the impression that you had died in a bombing."

"A what? Who the hell told you that?"

Castiel shook his head. "It is not of import."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Dean asked.

"Nothing. I was just wrong as to the details of your death."

Dean was quiet for a moment and then he said, "So are you gonna tell me now that you bit the dust getting eaten by some alligator in the Nile?"

Castiel snorted. "That's absurd, Dean. And besides, how I," he made air quotes with his fingers, "'bit the dust' doesn't matter anyway."

"Well apparently you thought my death mattered," Dean retorted.

Castiel sighed. "Can we just forget about it please?"

"No," Dean said angrily, "I'm not just gonna forget about it."

"I didn't die, okay?" Castiel suddenly yelled.

Dean blinked. "What?"

Castiel didn't meet Dean's eyes as he replied. "I never died. I was never a human until now."

"Wait, so you're saying that you've always been Mr. Halo? Like you were deemed an angel by whatever dude is up top? No living the perfect life and being promoted?"

Castiel shook his head. "No. I was created at the dawn of time with my brothers and sisters. Heaven's angels are much different from your kind. My brethren and I were among the first celestial beings created. The other angels, like Samandriel, are not given as much power as we have."

"Whoa, whoa whoa," Dean interrupted, "Are you telling me that you're like one of those powerhouse angels like Raphael and Michael?"

"No, they are Archangels, I'm just a seraph."

"But doesn't that mean that you've got like five pairs of wings or whatever?"

"Three," Castiel corrected, "Although I prefer to keep two of them at bay. It takes too much of my grace to bring all three into being."

"Well that's still pretty badass," Dean commented. He nudged Castiel's shoulder. "How come you didn't tell me that you were a badass motherfucker?"

Castiel shoot him a look. "I would never have sexual intercourse with someone's mother, and you never asked about my status, so I didn't bring it up."

"But you did ask about how I died?" Dean said and he was really starting to wonder how much Castiel wasn't telling him.

"I was just curious," Castiel answered, "Now can we please focus on the fact that Sam is taking far too long in there?"

"Shit," Dean said, glancing at his watch.

It had been way too long for any normal person to take a piss, which meant that Sam was either sick in the bathroom, or something bad had happened. Dean wrenched the door of the Impala open and walk/jogged his way through the automatic doors and into the convenience store, Cas close at his heels. He looked around for Sam and then breathed a sigh of relief when he saw the boy standing in one of the isles, holding a bag of chips. Dean stormed over to him.

"Why didn't you come outside when you were done?" he asked, grabbing the bag of chips out of Sam's hands and shoving it back onto the shelf.

Sam was silent and Dean sighed heavily. Castiel picked up the bag of chips and held it out to Dean, saying, "I believe Sam wants a snack."

"That right?" Dean snapped, looking at Sam.

Sam nodded slowly. Dean grabbed the bag of chips out of Castiel's hand and then proceeded to gather together an assortment of junk food. He placed it all on the checkout counter. The cashier looked down at the chips, beef jerky, candy bars, powdered donuts and licorice strands. Dean pulled out a couple of sodas from a nearby mini fridge and added those to the pile.

"You got any pie?" he asked.

The man shook his head and Dean sighed. He'd live without pie, somehow. He pulled a couple of twenties out of his pocket and placed them on the counter, waiting for the man to finish ringing up the food. Finally he finished, made Dean's change and then handed him a bag of the goodies. Dean promptly gave it to Sam and stormed out of the store.

He slipped into the Impala and revved up the engine. Castiel and Sam came outside, Cas ushering Sam like a mother hen. Dean tried not to grin at the sight because he was supposed to be in a bad mood. Castiel had been keeping secrets from him and that was really bothering him. He just wanted to get back to his apartment so that he could confront Cas properly about it without Sam watching.


	4. The Problem With Small Hotel Rooms and Giving Angels Greasy Donuts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel perked up considerably at the prospect of coffee and he sat up in the bed. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and then stretched lazily. Dean let his eyes trail over the skin, watching the muscles pop and roll beneath it. His eyes slipped lower and he sucked in a sharp breath between his teeth because Castiel's boxers were riding a little low and Dean could see a trail of fine hair littering the skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter. The rating comes to play a teeny tiny bit, and Cas is a grumpy little thing in the morning.

They started off again, Sam rooting through the candy and Cas complaining about how Dean was going to make them all sick with his driving. Dean jerked the wheel on purpose, laughed when Castiel let out a little squeak, and then reached his hand back to Sam.

He snapped his fingers. "Licorice, Sammy."

A long piece of the candy was pressed into his palm and he brought it to his lips, tearing off a chunk with his teeth and chewing it nosily. Castiel wrinkled his nose and Dean offered him the candy. Castiel pushed his hand away and looked out the window. Sam was busy munching away at his chips and Dean was glad that at least the kid had good taste, although pie would be the true test. He'd hafta bake one when they got to Kansas.

About an hour later Sam's eyes were starting to droop. He eventually nodded off and Dean turned to Cas. "How bout we just zap there now while the kid's asleep? We'll just tell him that he slept the rest of the way cos I'm all for road trips but I'd rather not stay in some shitty motel tonight."

Castiel shook his head and looked worriedly back at Sam, commenting, "I'm not sure how aware Sam is of the power he possesses, but he might be able to tell if we simply materialize in front of your apartment."

Dean glanced back at Sam. "So no angel mojo round the kid?"

"Not unless we're ready to explain to him who he really is."

"Yeah," Dean agreed, "We'll save the 'hey, Sammy, you're the spawn of the devil' speech for later. But man is the rest of this drive going to be boring as hell."

"I could recite the book of Lamentations to you, if you'd like," Castiel suggested.

"Dude no. Although I do want to know when you decided to get a meat suit and put your angelic ass down here."

Castiel tapped his fingers on his knee as he replied, "I took a vessel right before I met you actually and I find the Earth a generally pleasant place, plus I can only talk to you here."

"Aw, I'm touched. I didn't know you felt that way Cas. Should I pick out a ring?"

Castiel flicked Dean with his pointer finger and Dean quickly said, "Kidding." Even though he wasn't really, not entirely anyway.

They were both silent for a bit and then Dean popped in a Metallica soundtrack and played it as softly as he could so as not to wake Sam. They drove another three hours, going through cassette after cassette, not really talking much. Sam woke on hour four and kicked the back of Dean's seat again so Dean pulled over at the next gas station and the kid took another bathroom break, much shorter this time.

Dean looked up motels nearby when it started to get dark and they all piled into a small room of King's Court Motels off the highway. The room was really fucking tiny, but it somehow managed to squeeze two queens and a tv into it, along with a mini hallway that led to a sad excuse for a bathroom.

Sam claimed the bed closest to the bathroom, jumping up on it and placing the bag that he still had on the pillow next to him. Castiel looked at the other bed and then at Dean. Dean shrugged and threw his jacket on one side before going to the bathroom to put away the small bag filled with toiletries that he had had found in Sam's duffle bag.

He returned to the room to find Sam asleep again, one hand curled protectively around the bag. Dean motioned to him and said to Cas softly, "What do you suppose is with that bag?"

Castiel shrugged. "It's probably something to do with his parents."

Dean pursed his lips, but didn't say anymore on the matter. He was sure that Sam would come round eventually and start talking, but for now he supposed it was best that the kid got a good night's sleep. What he really wanted right now, was some greasy food and a beer.

He grabbed his jacket and said, "I'm gonna go get a burger, Cas. You want one?"

Castiel shook his head and sat on the edge of the other bed. Dean pulled on his jacket and went over to the door, saying, "Don't burn down the place, I'll be back in a jiffy."

Castiel gave him an absent wave as he picked up the Gideon's Bible that was in the drawer of the nightstand. Dean spent less than a half hour driving around looking for a burger joint. He ordered the biggest, greasiest, most unhealthy burger that it offered and then parked in the parking lot to scarf it down. He was too lazy to go get a beer like a normal person, so he materialized his favorite brand out of thin air.

Once he finished the burger and the beer he tossed the trash into a nearby bin and headed back to the hotel, Aerosmith playing through the radio of the Impala. He nodded his head in time to the beat and let his mind wander. He nearly ran a red light when he realized that he and Cas were going to be sharing a bed at the motel.

Sharing a bed was prime territory for him to push boundaries more and hell he wanted too. He wanted to tell Cas that he had to take off that damn trench coat and suit and sleep under the covers with him and he could reach out and trail his fingers down the stubble on Cas's cheek and comment that Cas needed to shave and Cas wouldn't be able to flit off cause Sam was around. It was almost too easy.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of someone tapping on the window the Impala. He was in the parking lot of the motel, and he could make out the face of a woman by the soft light of the lamps outside the motel rooms. He rolled down the window and the woman leaned down.

"Hello, Dean," she crooned.

Fuck, Dean thought. It was Meg. Meg was another demon and if she was here than that meant bad news. She leaned her elbows on the windowsill and smiled at him. She was in the body that she favored, although this time it was the brunette version instead of the blonde one.

"What do you want?" Dean snapped.

She tutted her tongue. "That's no way to greet an old friend."

"Old friend my ass," Dean hissed.

He wrenched open the door, forcing Meg to back up to avoid being slammed with it. She crossed her arms and tapped her boot on the pavement as Dean got out of the car. He glared at her and slammed the door.

"Why are you here?" he growled.

"I'm here to make sure that everything went as planned with your little bundle of joy," Meg sneered.

"Everything's just peachy. So you can just crawl back into whatever hole you came out of and leave me the fuck alone."

"You were always so loquacious."

Dean flipped her off and ignored whatever she was saying as he headed in the direction of the motel room. He stopped short however as he remembered that Castiel was on the other side of the door. He couldn't have Meg finding out that he and a Heaven angel were raising Sam together. That would cause all sorts of shit downstairs and it meant really bad news for Dean.

He turned around to face Meg again. "Did you want something else?"

She pursed her lips and said. "You're expected to check in once a year until the Antichrist is ready. We can't track you when you're around him."

"What?" Dean asked.

"The kid is a hide and seek master. We can't find him unless he wants to be found, which also includes you now."

Dean frowned. This was good. Being hidden from Crowley and his fellow demons meant that he would have less of a chance getting caught with Cas. He looked back at Meg. "You sure bout that?"

"Sure as hell, if you'll pardon the expression," Meg replied, glancing at her nails. She sniffed and said, "You better do a good job, Dean. Or Crowley's gonna have your ass."

Dean snorted. "Not to mention the fact that Lucifer will probably have me strung up on the rack if I fuck things up."

"Well then you better give a hundred and ten percent."

She patted him on the cheek, winked and then she was gone, the smell of sulfur lingering in the air. Dean double checked to make sure she was gone for good before he opened the door to the motel room. The room was dark, and Dean blinked a few times until his eyes adjusted. He skirted around the first bed where he could see Castiel huddled under the sheets.

They didn't need to sleep, and Dean could feel Castiel's eyes following him as he skirted into the bathroom to wash his hands. Once he finished he stepped back out and stripped down to his boxers. He didn't even think twice about pulling the sheets back and climbing into the bed where Castiel was.

There was a huffing noise and Dean turned over to find Castiel's blue eyes narrowed at him. "What?" he whispered.

Castiel didn't say anything, but he flipped so that his back was to Dean. Dean's stomach fluttered a bit as he noticed that Castiel's back was bare. Dean let his eyes travel over the skin. Castiel moved his shoulder and Dean's eyes followed the way the muscles and bone moved. He had to stop himself from reaching out and tracing the line of Castiel's spine.

He turned onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. Sam was snoring softly in the other bed and Dean knew this was going to be a long night. He could hear each breath Castiel took and it was torture, especially because the bed was on the smaller side and if Dean were to move his leg half an inch to the right he'd be brushing Castiel's thigh.

"Dean."

Castiel's voice made him jump and he jumped again when he turned to find Castiel staring at him intently.

"Yeah, Cas?" he whispered, his voice a little deeper than usual.

"Who was the woman outside?" Castiel asked.

Dean relaxed a little and replied, "Meg. She was sent to make sure that I got Sam alright."

Castiel nodded. "And I'm assuming that you didn't tell her about me?"

"Hell no. Although she did tell me something interesting about little Sammy."

Dean explained about how they were flying under the radar while they were with Sam. Castiel's eyebrows lowered as Dean continued and when Dean went quiet, he said, "Sam will most likely display other powers during our time with him."

"Yeah, I know," Dean replied.

He knew all the stories about the Antichrist and what he was supposed to be able to do. But he still had a hard time believing that the little kid sleeping in the bed next to him was the spawn of the devil. Sam just seemed so tiny, fragile even. Maybe as he grew he'd develop some sort of evil inclination or something, which meant that Dean and Cas would have to ensure that he never did. And he had no idea how they were going to do that.

Dean sighed. "Hopefully he won't accidentally blow up my car or something. I will kill him if he does that."

Castiel snorted and they were both quiet for a bit and then Dean had to go and accidentally brush his foot along Castiel's calf. Castiel flinched and Dean quickly said sorry.

"It's fine," Castiel said, his voice slightly breathy.

Dean chewed on his bottom lip and then he asked, "What happened earlier?"

"What?" Castiel asked, confused.

Dammit. He couldn't get out of this now. He cleared his throat and said, "With the whole phone thing?"

Castiel made a small noise in the back of his throat and then he stuttered out, "I don't know what you're talking about."

He turned away from Dean and Dean threw it all to hell and put a hand on Castiel's shoulder. He yanked the angel onto his back again and said, "You know damn well what I'm talking about, Cas."

Castiel shoved Dean's hand away and hissed, "If you're referring to my reaction at your... advance on me-"

"Advance?" Dean interrupted, his voice louder than it should have been.

"What else was it supposed to be?" Castiel snarled, "You were trying to... to... you know."

"To what Cas?" Dean was playing with him now. He wanted to know what Castiel had thought he was doing.

Castiel made an angry sound and then he blurted out, "You were trying to sexually arouse my vessel."

Dean raised his eyebrows. That was one way of putting it. He said cheekily, "And did it work?"

"Of course it did," Castiel hissed, "Do you think I would have acted that way if it hadn't worked."

Dean took another chance and moved closer to Castiel, his lips brushing against the shell of Castiel's ear as he said, "Would you like me to try it again?"

Castiel shuddered and then Dean was being pushed roughly away, so hard in fact that he fell off the bed and onto his elbow. "What the fuck, Cas?" he cried, looking up at the bed.

Castiel's face appeared and he said angrily, "If you touch me again while we're at this motel I will smite you."

He pulled the sheets over his head and Dean got up, saying, "Oh come on, man. It's just a joke."

"It's wrong," Castiel said, his voice slightly muffled by the sheets.

"It's sex, which is actually great, fyi," Dean replied, a slight tone in his voice.

Castiel didn't reply and Dean waited a moment before he practically hoped back into the bed. He ignored the small growl from Cas and pulled the sheets over himself, yanking them out of Castiel's grasp in the process. Castiel tried to grab them back again, but Dean held on tightly. They spent several minutes struggling and then Castiel gave up.

He made a show of moodily curling up into a ball, hugging his arms to his chests. Dean grinned in triumph as he gathered the sheets around him. Castiel was in his boxers and Dean knew it wasn't cold, so either Cas just wanted the sheets out of spite, or he didn't like the fact that he was practically naked.

It's not like Dean hadn't seen Cas in his underwear before. Castiel had sprinted more than once from the bathroom to the extra bedroom in Dean's apartment before and Dean had looked on with a smile. Castiel was well built like a runner and Dean loved letting his eyes travel over the lean muscles and his mind wander to what it would feel like to have them clench up under him.

Castiel mumbled something and curled up tighter. He was wearing his socks with the boxers and Dean found that fact oddly endearing. He made a show of snuggling down into the sheet, sighing overdramatically and snuffling happily. He could feel Castiel's narrowed eyes on his back and he pulled the sheets over his shoulders tightly.

Castiel suddenly grabbed a fistful of sheets and yanked hard. Dean flopped about as the sheets were ripped from his body and he landed close to Castiel. Cas glared at him and Dean gave him an evil smirk. They were so close that Dean could see each little detail of Castiel's face. His eyes lingered on Castiel's chapped lips and Castiel pressed them together in a thin line as though he were trying to hide them from Dean.

Dean stuck his bottom lip out a little and Castiel's eyes flicked down to it, before shooting back up to Dean's eyes. There was something in Castiel's eyes that Dean couldn't quite place. It wasn't arousal though, to be honest, it looked more like fear.

"You okay?" Dean asked, suddenly concerned.

"I'm fine," Castiel snapped, "Now please return to your side of the bed and do not speak to me again until morning."

"Jesus, somebody's pissed," Dean muttered, but he scooted further away regardless.

Castiel murmured about Dean taking the Lord's name in vain and then he went quiet. Dean sighed and mulled over the fact that Castiel had been aroused by Dean's efforts. That was good, even if Cas was angry at him because of it. Dean knew why of course, it was because it was a sin or whatever shit the Bible preached against.

He hated that fucking book sometimes and the fact that the Heaven angels always had to be ever so good and moral. It was just Dean's luck that he fell for one of those angels, one that he never had a chance with because Cas was a good little soldier who never disobeyed. Although technically he had made an exception just recently. He was raising the Antichrist with an angel of Hell and that had to be breaking at least five rules of Heaven.

Dean lay there for hours, just thinking about possible scenarios in his mind were things different between him and Cas. When the first rays of the morning sun finally began peeking through the window, he got up and stretched.

Castiel didn't stir and Dean peered down at him. He was surprised when Castiel turned over and it was obvious that he was sleeping. He looked so peaceful and Dean bent down to pull the sheets over his chest before he slipped into his jeans and pulled on a shirt so that he could go and get some breakfast.

He glanced over at Sam before he left. The boy was sleeping soundly and Dean cracked a small smile as he turned the doorknob and left the room. He came back shortly with a bag of donuts, a bottle of chocolate milk for Sam, and two cups of coffee for him and Cas. Again, Dean and Cas didn't need it, but Dean had grown accustomed to the taste and it did perk his body up a bit.

Castiel was still asleep when Dean set the food down on a table. He went over to the bed and he would have loved to be able to wake Cas up with a rather hard kiss that would end with Cas dragging him into the bed with him and whispering that they'd have to be quiet so that they didn't wake Sam up.

Of course Dean didn't do that. He just snapped his fingers over Castiel's ear and Cas snorted awake. He looked up at Dean with squinted eyes and Dean patted his shoulder while saying, "Morning, Sleeping Beauty."

Castiel licked his lips, blinked a few times, and then put the pillow over head before nestling under the sheets again. Dean rolled his eyes and yanked the sheets off Cas. He got a hiss in return and the angel swung his hand blindly, trying to catch Dean and failing.

"Just get up," Dean said, "I got donuts and coffee."

Castiel perked up considerably at the prospect of coffee and he sat up in the bed. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and then stretched lazily. Dean let his eyes trail over the skin, watching the muscles pop and roll beneath it. His eyes slipped lower and he sucked in a sharp breath between his teeth because Castiel's boxers were riding a little low and Dean could see a trail of fine hair littering the skin.

Castiel must have caught him, because the view quickly disappeared under the sheet as Castiel grabbed it and pulled it up. Dean made a face at him and then he grabbed one of the cups of coffee and handed it to Castiel who took it with a mumbled thanks.

Dean motioned to Sammy. "Should I wake the stiff?"

Castiel hmmed around a mouthful of coffee and Dean stepped over to Sam's bed. He shook Sam's shoulder lightly and Sam blinked awake, his eyes slightly unfocused. "Hey partner," Dean said, smiling, "I've got donuts and chocolate milk if you wanted any."

Sam's eyes went big and he hopped out of the bed and scurried over to the table. He climbed up onto to the chair that was in front of it and grabbed the bag of donuts, pulling out the large chocolate one with rainbow sprinkles. Dean had actually gotten that one for himself, but he didn't say anything as Sam bit into it happily, his little feet swinging back and forth while they dangled off the chair.

Dean went over and fished out the Apple Fritter. He took a big bite an then a swig of his coffee, wincing slightly as it burned his tongue. Sam was busy chugging the milk and Dean went to sit on the bed next to Castiel, who was still sipping away at his coffee. He made a face at Dean, but then his eyes slipped down to the donut getting grease all over Dean's fingers and he licked his lips.

Dean chuckled and waved the donut toward Castiel. "Wanna bite? There's a blueberry one in the bag if that's more your style."

Castiel answered him by snatching the fritter out of his hand and taking a big bite. He made a show of chewing the chunk of donut and Dean cracked a small smile as Castiel looked appalled when some of the crumbs fell onto the bed sheets.

There was the sound of the bathroom door shutting and Dean looked up to find Sam's seat empty, the milk drained and only a few sprinkles left where the donut had been only a minute ago. Dean took a sip of his coffee and turned to watch Castiel finish the donut.

After Castiel swallowed the last bite, he began licking the grease off his fingers. Dean jerked a bit when Castiel started sucking on his thumb, sliding the digit around in his mouth, his tongue working under the fingernail and fuck, Dean was getting hard in his pants. He shifted uncomfortably and then Castiel had to go and make a loud squelching noise as he sucked his pointer finger into his mouth.

Dean's blood was pumping in his veins and his cock was fully hard now. He set his coffee gingerly on the bedside table and then waddled his way over to the bathroom, pounding on the door and saying, "Sam you almost done in there?"

He needed to take care of this fucking boner like now. He glanced over at Cas as he waited for the sound of the sink to turn off. Castiel was watching him curiously and he mouthed "gotta pee" hoping to hell, or wherever that Castiel didn't notice that he was tenting the front of his jeans.

Castiel gave him a strange look and then Sam was pushing past Dean on his way out of the bathroom. Dean shut the bathroom door and leaned against it. He made sure the door was locked and then he turned the fan on, thankful that it was fucking loud as hell.

He started slow, rubbing the heel of his palm over his erection and then adding more friction until he was panting. He tossed his shirt over the edge of the bathtub and then racked his nails down his sides, inhaling sharply at the sting. Pain was something that got him off, the bite of someone's teeth to his shoulders, bruises left the next morning, rope burns, sore muscles from submitting, he loved it, the slow burn. It was something that he had liked during his life and things hadn't changed.

He rubbed at his nipples, breathing hard and circling his hips as the sensations took over. This was another of his kinks. Nipple play, teeth scraping and fingers tweaking. He moaned loudly as he squeezed the puckered flesh and that fan better be loud enough cause he wasn't exactly quiet when it came to this sort of thing.

Dean threw his head back against the door with a loud thump as he began fisting himself, sliding his fingers over his heated cock as his brain brought up the mental image of Castiel's fingers instead of his. He could hear Castiel's rough voice in his head, coaxing him on, telling him to let it go, to come for him, to come for _Cas_.

Dean let out a cry as he came in hot spurts, splattering over the bathroom floor. He slumped down against the door and breathed slowly. He knew that he was so fucked it wasn't even funny. He'd been jerking off to thoughts of Cas for years now and it was going to be even worse if they were going to be living together now.

He was so fucking screwed. There was no way that he wasn't going to get caught. And if Cas kept being a little shit, sucking things off his fingers and having that gravely morning voice of his and that sex hair then Dean was going to be hard eternally.

 


	5. For Frustration Dial Blue Eyed Angels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean pulled the towel tight around his waist and opened the door. A part of him hoped that Castiel would be standing on the other side, but it was just his empty room and hell did it feel empty. He'd had people over here in the past, it wasn't like he was carting souls back and forth every single hour of every single day. He had free time and a nice pad and good looks so it was easy to pick up people at bars. He mostly went for women cause they were usually drooling over him. He'd been with dudes as well, but every time he'd let them blow him, all he could see in his mind's eye was Cas between his legs, head bobbing, mouth wet and wonderful, all the tiny noises Cas would make as he sucked Dean like good little angel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lateness of uploading this! Hope you enjoy it!

Dean sighed and ran a hand through his hair, looking at the puddle of semen on the floor and frowning. There was a sudden knock on the door and Dean yelled, "Just a minute."

He quickly threw a towel over the jizz, tucked himself back into his pants, zipped up, and then wrenched open the door to find Castiel staring at him with concern. "Are you alright? I heard you yelling."

Dean gulped. Shit. "Uh," he muttered.

Castiel's gaze slipped down to Dean's bare chest and his eyes narrowed at the sight of Dean's abused nipples, which were red. Dean crossed his arms, effectively covering them as he said, "I turned the water on too hot. That's all."

Castiel's eyes narrowed and he asked, "And obviously you got so overheated by that that you felt the need to take your shirt off."

"Maybe I was going to take a shower," Dean retorted.

Castiel snorted and then shoved past him, their skin sliding together since Castiel was still very much only in his boxers and socks. Dean shivered slightly at the contact and he did not need to get another hard on right now. He moodily grabbed his shirt and trudged out of the bathroom, leaving Castiel to wash the rest of the donut off his hands and brush with the toothbrush and paste that Dean had gotten from the front desk when he'd realized that they weren't going to be able to use any powers around Sam and would have to rough it like actual people.

Dean pulled on his shirt as he went back into the main room. Sam was sitting on the edge of his bed, clutching the plastic bag to his chest, eyes glued to the tv. Dean sat down beside him saying, "What's playing?"

Sam gave him an unamused look and pointed to the tv where Bert and Ernie were currently arguing. Dean groaned and said, "Oh don't watch this shit, kid. Here," he got up and flipped the channels, looking for anything else. He stopped and quickly flipped back to a channel, proclaiming, "Star Wars! Now that's the stuff."

He sat back and grinned as Han Solo came on screen, firing at the Storm Troopers. Sam's eyes were wide and he was drinking it all in. The sound of the guns made him jump a bit and Dean put an arm around him, pointing at the screen as he explained the plot and how awesome Han Solo was. Sam listened intently and by the time Cas came out the bathroom to grab his clothes, Sam's nose was an inch away from the screen.

Castiel shook his head and said softly to Dean, "Starting him early are we?"

Dean chuckled. "Might as well. I mean I do plan on dressing him up like Darth Vader on Halloween." He grinned. "And maybe I'll go as Han and we can get you that outfit Leia wears at Jabba's."

Castiel slapped him on the shoulder and Dean laughed. Sam made a gesture with his hand that Dean interpreted to mean "be quiet" and he stopped laughing. Although he did catch the slight blush in Castiel's cheeks as Cas went to go change into his clothes.

They started on the road again after _A New Hope_ ended. Sam was practically buzzing with energy and Dean raised an eyebrow at Castiel when the sound of a lightsaber came from the backseat as they were turning onto the highway.

"At least it's a noise of some kind," Dean commented.

Castiel nodded and his eyes darted back to look at Sam in the rearview mirror. Sam was miming cutting through the seats of the Impala with a lightsaber. Dean grinned and tapped his fingers on the steering wheel as he said over his shoulder, "Are you gettin' them, Luke?"

Sam immediately went quiet and his face flushed red and Dean laughed. He turned to see Castiel smiling fondly at Sam and the sight made something hot curl in his chest. He brushed it away and focused on the road again.

They made extremely good time, only stopping for bathroom breaks and to get sandwiches at Subway. Sam was asleep by the time Dean pulled the Impala into the parking lot of his apartment complex. He turned the engine off and both he and Castiel turned around to regard Sam.

"He's kinda cute when he sleeps," Dean commented with a small smile.

Castiel nodded and then said softly, "We should get him into bed."

"Speaking of beds," Dean drawled, scathing the back of his neck, "I only have two."

Castiel's eyes narrowed and he said firmly, "No."

Dean put his hands out. "Oh come on, Cas. We don't really sleep anyway and it's not like we're using the bed for anything but sleeping. Unless you wanted to."

Dean winked and Cas glared at him. He didn't say anything more however, just opened the door and got out to retrieve the bags from the back of the trunk. "Get Sam would you," he said in an even tone as he pulled a suitcase out.

Dean went over to the side of the car that Sam was on and opened the door. Sam was out cold and didn't even notice when Dean put his arms under him and took him slowly out of the car. He did loop his arms around Dean's neck however, burying his head under Dean's chin and making Dean smile slightly.

Dean caught Castiel trying to hide his smile as well as he shut the trunk of the Impala and started up the stairs that led to Dean's apartment. Cas shouldered the door open and flipped on the light switch. Dean made his way to the spare bedroom, holding Sam tightly to his chest so as not to drop him as Sam squirmed slightly in his arms.

He deposited Sam on the bed, pulling his shoes off and then tucking him under the sheets. He attempted to pry the plastic bag out of Sam's hands, but Sam clutched it closer to his chest so Dean gave up and left, turning off the light and shutting the door with a soft click.

Castiel was setting Sam's bags by Dean's couch. Dean waved a hand at him as he started unpacking. "Forget about it. We'll just do it in the morning, it's almost one already."

"It's no problem," Castiel said, bending down to unzip Sam's suitcase.

Dean groaned. "Oh come on. Are you doing this cause you don't wanna go to my bed?"

"I wasn't planning on going there anyway," Castiel snapped.

"Well fine then," Dean retorted. He kicked angrily at the couch. "Just stay out here and go through Sam's stuff like a creeper. I'll see you in the morning."

He stomped off to his room before Castiel could say anything else, even going as far as slamming the door loudly. After he did it he waited with his ear against the door to make sure he hadn't woken Sam, who was in the room across the hallway from his. There was no sound aside from his own breathing and so he sulked away from the door to flop down on his bed.

He hated this, hated having Castiel bristle at him whenever he passed like he was some fucking rock stuck in his shoe. He always knew that it would never happen between them, but that didn't stop him from trying, and now he knew that he'd managed to arouse Cas that one time he had fucked with him just for kicks. That had to mean something. And he was quite sure that Castiel knew he had been masturbating in the bathroom earlier, which made things ten more levels of awkward.

Dean groaned and turned over so that he could glare at the alarm clock by his bedside table. It glowed brightly in the dark of his room, the red of the numbers burning against his eyes. He restrained from crushing it with his fist and opted for going to take a hot shower instead, to give himself something to do cause he wasn't gonna sleep when Castiel was just sitting in his living room.

He turned the shower on as hot as it would go, hissing slightly as the water burned against his skin when he slipped into the large stall. Shutting the door, he leaned back and let the flow of the water wash everything that was bothering him down the drain. The droplets clung to his eyelashes and he blinked a few times to get them out of his eyes before he began scrubbing his body with soap, effectively getting rid of the grime and dirt from being in a car for hours on end.

His dick gave an excited twitch as he massaged the soap around his groin and thighs, but he wasn't in the mood for a hand job unless it came with a side of blue eyes and chapped lips and shit, Dean was so far gone. He groaned and leaned his head back against the tiles of the shower. This was so not going how he wanted it too.

Sighing, he shut the water off after washing the rest of the soap off. He dried off quickly with the large, blue fluffy towel that was hung on the rack. He might have been a bit rough brushing his teeth, but he somehow found the taste of blood in him mouth grounding. He used to have that copper tang 24/7 in the pit when he'd been torturing the souls, or being tortured himself. He shivered and pushed those thoughts out of his mind. He didn't want to think about those long years on the rack, he was going to bed, alone granted, but a soft bed nevertheless.

Dean pulled the towel tight around his waist and opened the door. A part of him hoped that Castiel would be standing on the other side, but it was just his empty room and hell did it _feel_ empty. He'd had people over here in the past, it wasn't like he was carting souls back and forth every single hour of every single day. He had free time and a nice pad and good looks so it was easy to pick up people at bars. He mostly went for women cause they were usually drooling over him. He'd been with dudes as well, but every time he'd let them blow him, all he could see in his mind's eye was Cas between his legs, head bobbing, mouth wet and wonderful, all the tiny noises Cas would make as he sucked Dean like good little angel.

Dean had never gone beyond a blowjob or a handjob with men though. It wasn't that he was afraid to get fucked in the ass or to dish it out, it was just that he had this fucked up fantasy that Cas would be the one to take his butt virginity or whatever. He'd never been with a guy that way in life or as a demon and the idea of anybody but Cas sharing that experience with him just made him feel sick. Of course it was never going to happen, so he often had to satisfy himself with a few fingers up his own ass and his imagination, which was getting very good.

Tonight was not a night for that though, he just wanted to sleep, sleep away all the shit that was in his head. He was technically a father now or whatever. Sam was in his custody and he'd have to take care of the kid and send him to school once summer ended and then he'd have to play the good parent, which would be a different kind of hell than he was used to. Cas was there as well, but Dean doubted he would offer much help unless he really wanted to.

Dean pulled on a pair of well worn boxers and fell onto the bed. He really needed good night's sleep to forget about Cas outside in his living room and the boy snoring away across from him. He was out as soon as his face hit the pillow and he woke several hours later to a rather impressive erection. Served him right for dreaming about Cas fucking him into the bed.

He glanced down at his cock with a pissed look and then eased his way out of bed so he could take care of it in the bathroom. It was pushing nine am and he couldn't hear any movement from outside, so he opened the drawer at the sink and fished out the bottle of lube. It was just one of those mornings and he tried to be as quiet as he could as he uncapped the bottle and smeared the lube over his fingers.

Dean sat on the floor of the shower, spreading his legs wide as he inched his slick fingers down towards his hole. At the first press of his pointer he shut his eyes and let his mind imagine that it was Cas's finger twirling around inside of him, sending sparks of pleasure shooting through his system. He let out a long groan as he worked a second finger into himself. He couldn't quite hit that bundle of nerves, so he angled his hips up, wincing slightly at the little burn, before biting his lip when he finally managed to ghost a finger against his prostate. It wasn't as good as it would be if it were someone's _, Cas's_ , dick, but it was still sending pleasure coursing through his system.

It had been a while since he'd done this and his muscles were protesting slightly so he added some more lube to ease the burn as he slipped a third finger in. His breath was ragged now and he slowly stroked himself while he stretched his fingers. He didn't mean to let the loud moan out, but it came anyway, reverberating off the tiles of the shower and he kinda liked it, so he did it again as he pushed a fourth finger inside.

He wanted Cas to hear him, wanted the other angel to burst through the door to see if he was alright and then he'd pad across the bathroom floor and take Dean just like he wanted, shove his cock so far up Dean's ass that Dean would have to use his angel mojo to make sure that Cas wouldn't split him wide. The thought of Cas in him made Dean's hips buck and his fingers slipped further sending another wave of pleasure through him.

Cas's name was on his lips as he fisted his cock furiously, trying to get that last bit of stimulation. He came with a long moan that was punctuated with another breathy "Cas" as his fingers slipped out of himself. His stomach was covered in cum, but he didn't wash it off right away. He laid there for a few minutes just breathing and basking in the afterglow of a fucking good orgasm. His legs were sore from where he had braced them on the wall of the shower and he let them fall as he turned on the faucet and washed the semen down the drain before taking another quick shower.

He pulled on a Led Zeppelin shirt and some jeans and then made his way down the hallway and into the kitchen. Castiel wasn't in the living room or the kitchen and Dean figured he must of gone out or something, which was completely fine. It's not like Cas was supposed to tell Dean every little thing he did. Dean didn't own Cas or anything.

Dean shook his head as images associated with owning Cas popped up and Cas in a dog collar was not what he wanted to be seeing as he started to make breakfast. The sound of the smaller bathroom door unlocking made Dean look up from where he war rummaging around in a bottom cabinet. To his surprise, Castiel stepped out, looking thoroughly annoyed.

Upon spotting Dean his eyes went a little wide and he seemed to be contemplating going back into the bathroom, but he merely stood up straighter and came to sit at one of the bar stools that Dean had in front of the counter. Up close Dean could see that Castiel's cheeks were slightly flushed and his mind immediately went to what Castiel could have been doing in the bathroom right around the same time he had had his fingers shoved up his ass.

His answer came when Castiel said moodily, "You're toilets need better water pressure."

Dean let out a bark of laughter. "Dude, did you clog up my toilet?"

Castiel went red and tapped his fingers on the table as he huffed, "It's not my fault that my vessel didn't' react well to that junk you purchased the other day. And due to Sam, I'm stuck passing food like a normal human."

Dean laughed again before pointing a finger at Cas and teasing, "If you got shit all over the toilet bowl you're cleaning it up yourself, got it?"

Castiel shot him a glare and then pulled that morning's paper out of his trench coat, making a show out of opening it and thrusting his nose against the text, the pages a barrier between him and Dean. Dean flipped him off and Cas growled, "Dean, please lower that."

Dean chuckled and did it again, ignoring the sigh that came from Castiel. He left Cas to his reading while he pulled out a couple of bowls and the pancake mix from the cupboard. Dean wasn't one to boast, but he was a fucking good cook and could make a burger like nobody's business. Cooking had been a secret hobby of his in life and now he often spent winter afternoons baking cookies and eating them all while watching Doctor Who reruns on tv just cause he could.

Pancakes were no sweat and he didn't even have to think as he whipped up a batch and poured the mix onto the griddle, listening to it pop and sizzle. He hummed Van Halen's "Jump" to himself as he flipped the cakes, pausing in his cooking only to air guitar a solo before resuming his pancake flipping while swinging his hips from side to side.

There was a small noise behind him and he glanced over his shoulder to see Castiel staring at him, or rather his lower section. Castiel's eyes followed the slow sway of Dean's hips and if Dean didn't know better, he'd say the look was almost hungry. He gulped and stilled. Castiel blinked as though he'd just come out of some sort of trance and then his gaze was glued to the paper again. Dean didn't fail to notice that the pink was back in his cheeks.

Dean chewed on the inside of his cheek to stop himself from commenting about it. Dean knew why Cas kept acting like this, or at least he liked to think he did, but that pleasant thought wasn't even worth entertaining. He just needed to let it go and forget about ever kissing those lips that were currently parting to let Castiel's tongue dart out to wet a finger as he turned a page.

Dean bit his cheek harder to stop the twitch of his cock at the way Castiel rewet his lips by sliding his tongue over them and leave it to Cas to make something as simple as that into something arousing. Fucking asshole even stretched like a porn star as he set down the paper and lifted his arms up, popping his back with a satisfied sigh.

"Did you stay up all night?" Dean asked, trying to ignore the way Cas was rolling his shoulders.

Castiel nodded. "I put all of Sam's clothes in his dresser and his toiletries in the bathroom. He's going to need several more pairs of clothing however."

"As do you," Dean commented, piling the pancakes onto a plate, "You're not wearing that damn trench coat around my apartment, or the suit for that matter."

Castiel's brow lowered and he looked down at himself. "I fail to see how I need new apparel."

"Just go with me on this," Dean groaned, "You'll thank me when your ass is nice and snug inside a pair of jeans."

"My rear is fine how it is."

Dean snorted and didn't comment anymore on the matter cause he didn't fancy talking about Castiel's ass when his dick was still ready to jump to attention at the slightest mental stimulation. He busied himself with warming up some syrup and asking Castiel to go wake Sam before the pancakes got cold.

He was in the process of shoveling scrambled eggs into a large bowl when Cas and Sam finally came into the kitchen. Sam was still dressed in the clothes from yesterday and Dean made a mental note to have the kid take a shower after breakfast.

"Sleep well, scout?" Dean asked, smiling broadly as he set the eggs on the table that sat a few feet from the bar of the counter.

Sam shrugged and hopped up onto a chair to begin heaping eggs on his plate. Dean put the pancakes and a plate of bacon down as well and Sam took a fair share of both of those as well. Dean slumped into the chair across from Sam and began piling his own plate high with food. Cas stood there for a few moments and then he hesitantly sat in the chair next to Dean.

Dean pushed a plate toward Cas and motioned to the food with his fork. Castiel pursed his lips, but then he placed a cake in the center of his plate and drizzled a bit of syrup on it. He ate it slowly while Dean asked Sam, "So how do you feel bout going shopping today?"

Sam shrugged again and chewed his slice of bacon while Dean said around a mouthful of eggs, "Cas needs some new clothes and I'm sure you'd like some stuff, right?" The boy shrugged yet again and Dean sighed. He put his fork down and laced his fingers together before stating, "Sam you're gonna hafta start talking and stop shrugging, okay?"

The response was a look that Dean could only deem a bona fide Bitchface. Dean returned it and Castiel cleared his throat. "I suggest we pick up a few other things as well."

"Like what?" Dean asked, plopping another pancake onto his plate.

"Well," Castiel drawled, "Sam can't watch Star Wars all day and I'm sure he'd like to have a few things of his own such as that, that, um," Castiel went quiet and Dean looked at him expectantly. Finally Castiel snapped his fingers and said triumphantly, "Pong! Isn't that what kids are playing nowadays?"

Dean nearly choked on his orange juice and he spluttered out, "Cas, Pong was like forty years ago."

"Oh," Castiel said, looking thoroughly confused.

Dean shook his head and told Sam, "We'll look for stuff at the store. Maybe we can get you a Wii or something. You play video games?" Sam nodded vigorously and Dean smiled.

"We should also get him some books," Castiel commented, tapping his fork on the edge of his plate methodically.

"Yeah, yeah," Dean said with a wave of his hand, "We can max out my credit cards later. But now, Sam shower, and Cas you too cause I know that's not burnt bacon I'm smelling."

Castiel gave him a surly look but got up anyway, heading for Dean's bathroom as Sam hopped down from his chair and sprinted toward the other bathroom. Dean cleared the table and he nearly dropped the pan caked with egg as he realized that he'd left the tube of lube lying on the floor of his bathroom, where Cas was. Shit.


	6. New Clothes and More Woes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sound of glass breaking made him smile and he picked up another bottle, chucking it as he yelled to the air, "You gonna come an' stop me, Cas?" The glass shattered against the road. "Come 'n stop me, angel! Come and tell me all th' things I can't do! Come on you son of a bitch!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I'm a day late in uploading this chapter! I was hanging with some friends and didn't get back to my dorm till late last night.

He turned the faucet off and rushed into his room. He could hear the water running and Cas had to be in the shower already. He could just open the door a bit and reach in, grab the lube and hope that Cas hadn't seen it yet.

Dean took a deep breath and slowly pushed the door open a crack. Cas hadn't locked it and Dean cringed as the door squeaked loudly on its hinges. The bathroom was flooded with steam already thanks to Cas's habit of using all the hot water in the states when he showered. Dean tried not to glance at the silhouette of Castiel's body against the shower curtain, but his eyes lingered a bit anyway, particularly on the outline of the curve of Castiel's ass.

Castiel moved to grab the shampoo and Dean quickly grabbed the lube at the same time. He was just about to leave when Cas said a word that angels were definitely not supposed to say. Dean glanced up and _shit_ , Cas was attempting to grind one out with the heel of his palm.

Dean's mouth dropped open slightly and he should leave, he should get the hell outta here and not think about how Cas was now bracing one hand against the shower wall. Cas let out a loud grunt and Dean's mind snapped back into place. He gripped the bottle of lube tightly and backed slowly out of the bathroom while a loud moan slipped from Cas and Dean couldn't be sure, but it sounded a hell of a lot like his name intermingled with the guttural sound.

He shut the door and leaned against it, shakily holding the bottle of lube against his chest. He'd never thought Cas would be one to jerk off like that in the shower. Sure Dean did it all the time, but Cas was an angel of Heaven, the guy who wouldn't even so much speak the word "Playboy" without doing five hundred Hail Marys or whatever. But Cas had definitely been getting off in that shower and Dean swore he had heard his name on Cas's lips, even if it was fucking impossible.

The sound of the water shutting off made Dean move. He threw the lube into the drawer beside his bed and then ran back into the kitchen. He was trying to look busy cleaning a pan when the sound of bare feet slapping on the floor made him go still. He couldn't turn around and look at Cas, not after being the world's fucking biggest creeper and watching him jerk off in the shower. When no sound came from the person, Dean chanced a glance and sighed with relief when he saw that it was Sam standing there, holding up his pair of tennis shoes and giving Dean a very angry look.

Dean put the pan down, wiping his hands on a towel as he came to stand in front of Sam. "What's up?" he asked, kneeling down so that he was eye level with Sam.

Sam held out his shoes and Dean watched as he put a finger through a rather impressive hole in the right shoe. "Oh," Dean said stupidly as Sam dangled the shoe from his finger. Dean took the shoe. "We'll add that to our list. But for now..."

Dean backtracked into the kitchen and pulled a roll of duck tape out. He came back to kneel in front of Sam and took the shoe from him, putting a generous amount of tape over the hole so that Sam's white sneakers now had a bright, blue strip of tape over the front of the right one. Sam looked at it disdainfully, but put it on anyway before slipping back into his room.

There was a cry of "Dean!" from Dean's bedroom and Dean went in to find Castiel rummaging through the top door of his dresser. Castiel was dressed in his pants, but he was very much shirtless and Dean stopped his eyes from traveling over the skin as he asked, "What's up?"

"I need to borrow a shirt," Castiel said quickly, "I think I got syrup on my Oxford."

Dean skirted past Cas to open the drawer under the one Cas's hands were in. Castiel quickly pulled back so that he wouldn't have Dean trapped between his body and the dresser and Dean inwardly pouted as he pulled out an old, gray AC/DC shirt. He handed it to Cas with a, "We're about ready to go, and Sam needs new shoes too by the way."

Castiel mumbled something as he pulled the shirt over his head, but Dean didn't ask what it was as he went to quickly do the rest of the dishes while Cas finished up in the bathroom. Sam was sitting on the couch, flipping through the channels and coming to a stop on SpongeBob. Dean swore that show was on 24/7.

Castiel came out of the bedroom when Dean was starting the dishwasher and he had to smile because Cas looked good in his shirt. It was just the right amount of baggy that you could tell it was borrowed and he knew that people were probably going to jump to the conclusion that it was borrowed from him, which made him slightly giddy. He had to laugh again when he realized that he was wearing his Zeppelin shirt. All they needed was a Guns N' Roses one for Sam and they'd be all set. Dean added that to the list.

They all piled into the Impala and Dean headed for the Target downtown. Dean headed straight for the shoe section, Cas and Sam close at his heels. It took them five minutes to find a new pair of tennis shoes for Sam because Sam had made a beeline for the Spider-Man shoes. Luckily they had them in his size and he insisted on wearing the shoes through the store as they shopped for clothes.

Cas had wandered over to a different isle and Dean found him holding a pair of bright red Chuck Taylor Converse. He raised his eyebrows and Castiel quickly put them back on the shelf, a sad look in his eyes. Dean grinned and pushed them back into his arms, leaning in to whisper, "Only if you promise to let me pick out some decent clothes for you."

Cas beamed and nodded. Dean's smile grew wider and he couldn't resist grabbing Castiel's hand and dragging him toward the men's section, Sam following. Dean found several outfits for Cas that he deemed worthy and if several of the jeans happened to be a size too small so they would hug Cas, he pretended not to notice. Soon Castiel was laden down with t-shirts and pants. Dean shoved him toward the fitting rooms and then turned to tell Sam to go look for some clothes he liked while Cas tried on his. Sam skipped off toward the boy's section, which was next to the men's so that Dean could still see his head bobbing between the racks of clothing.

Dean tapped Castiel's Converses together impatiently as he waited for Cas to finish putting on the first outfit. He wasn't even close to being prepared for the sight of Cas in dark skinny jeans and the tight, gray t-shirt that Dean had absently grabbed while his eyes had been on a Beatles t-shirt. To put it simply: Cas looked fucking hot and Dean could feel his pants getting tight.

"Too much?" Castiel asked, looking down at himself with worry.

"No," Dean said quickly, his voice a bit raspy. He cleared his throat. "No. It looks great."

Castiel cracked a small smile and then slipped back into the fitting room. Dean looked down with anger at his dick, which always picked the worst times to stand to attention like a fucking soldier. If Cas came out with another outfit like that, he might just have to excuse himself and head for the bathroom. Luckily the next outfit was more tame, just a casual t-shirt and regular jeans, which still looked great on Cas.

Dean gave Cas a thumbs up and they spent several more minutes of Cas coming out of the room sleepily in a new outfit and Dean trying to grin and nod while fending off an erection. He had to dig his nails into his palms hard when Cas came out dressed in a dark button up under a black vest with a reddish tie. The whole ensemble, complete with another pair of tight jeans, was doing things to Dean's head and he was so happy when Castiel told him he was done and slipped back into the AC/DC shirt.

Overall they ended up with three pairs of jeans, a few dapper vests and Henley's, a couple of Cardigans, the ugliest sweaters Dean had ever seen (Cas had insisted on them), and several t-shirts, one of which was Marvin the Martian against a sky blue background.

Upon finding Sam, Dean was handed about fifty outfits by him, mostly t-shirts, but a shit ton of plaid too, which Dean decided not to comment on. Sam dragged him and Cas back to the fitting room and was a regular model for nearly an hour as he showed off each outfit, making ridiculous faces and even cracking a small smile when he made Cas laugh out loud.

They bought around ten or fifteen outfits for Sam and the kid skipped around them happily while they shopped for a Wii and games. Dean let Sam pick out two games and then grabbed a couple that he was going to play later by himself, or when Sam was older. Castiel lingered by the large screens that were playing movies and Dean nudged him in the side to get a third opinion on a couple of games.

"Super Mario Kart or Super Smash Brothers?" he asked, holding up one game while Sam presented the other to him.

Castiel squinted at both games and pointed to Super Mario Kart. Sam threw it in the cart while Dean put the other game back and then they went over to grab a couple of board games to add to the pile that had been labeled by Dean: "things for Sam to do when Cas and I are being lazy asses". The cart was quickly filling up with games, toys, basketballs, movies, and even a scooter, which Cas ended up carrying when the cart started to overflow a bit.

The checker gave them all an annoyed look as she rung up their order. Dean's mouth fell open a bit at the total, not that it mattered. Money wasn't exactly a problem when you were an angel of Hell. They realized a bit too late that it was going to be hell getting all the stuff into the Impala, but they managed it and Sam was only nearly crushed between a pile of clothes and the overlarge box the Wii console came in.

They spent the rest of the day unloading all their spoils into Dean's apartment and by the time the Wii was set up with his large tv, it was really getting a lived in look that Dean found he kinda liked. Sam was currently in the process of making Miis for each of them and Castiel was lounging on the couch, watching Sam give Dean's Mii grotesquely large eyebrows. They both laughed and Dean yelled from the kitchen.

"You give me lady lips and neither of you are getting these sandwiches."

Sam made a face at Dean and then blew the lips up as large as they could go. Castiel laughed loudly and Dean shoved his sandwich at him so that he had to move quickly to avoid it spilling down his front. Sam munched on his pb and j while he went to work on Castiel's Mii and Dean sat down beside Cas on the couch, far enough away that he wouldn't have to feel that odd sort of electricity that seemed to spark off Castiel's skin whenever he touched him.

His mind was still replaying the events in the bathroom that morning and he needed to talk to Cas. Not about the fact that he caught him jerking off though, but that Cas hadn't told him he was an actual fucking angel who hadn't been awarded the position. But what really intrigued Dean was the fact that Cas had asked about how _he_ had died.

He waited until Cas was done with his sandwich and then he took the plate and leaned down so that only Cas could hear him as he said, "Can we talk in the bedroom?"

Castiel looked up at him with confusion but got up anyway. Dean put their plates in the sink and yelled over to Sam, "Cas and I are gonna go organize his new threads. Holler if you need anything."

Sam gave him a thumbs up and Dean grabbed Castiel's hand, dragging him into the bedroom before Cas could tell him no. He shut the door and turned on the other angel. "First things first, why did you ask about how I died?"

Castiel sighed. "I already told you it wasn't important. I was just curious."

"Curiosity killed the cat," Dean snapped, crossing his arms moodily.

Castiel's expression turned angry. "Am I not allowed to question the background of my friend?"

"Yeah cause it's totally normal to want to know how someone died instead of what their favorite food is. Did you ever think that you could have just asked me?"

"Dean," Castiel pleaded, but Dean wasn't having it.

He was so pissed at Cas right now. Sure they'd known each other for a while now, but they'd never really had the personal talk about what flavor of milk was their favorite or which movie they cried at. They'd just met for coffee and talked about which souls they'd transported last week or who was getting on their nerves. Even when they'd crash and watch movies together they never really actually talked, it was always the stupid small talk about the weather and how Balthazar was complaining again. Dean wanted honesty now. They were living together for fuck's sake.

Dean sighed and rubbed at the back of his neck as he said, "I'm sorry. It's just," he bit his lip and tried not to see that Cas was giving him his full attention. Dean took a deep breath. "It's just weird cause we've got Sam now and everything has happened so fast and I mean the kid's great, aside from the whole training to be a mime thing, and I have no fucking idea how to raise a kid, but I guess we've done an okay job so far. But we've gotta make sure that your guys and my boys don't find out that we're doing this together and that's the thing. What is this even? What the hell is going on between us, huh?"

Dean shut his mouth with a click before he said anything else. Castiel shook his head. "I don't understand what you mean."

Dean clenched his fists angrily. He couldn't say it, couldn't tell Cas how he felt cause Cas had already made it quite clear that he didn't want that. Sure Dean had passed it off as a joke earlier, but he didn't want to anymore. He couldn't do this and especially not after the whole shower thing.

He realized that there was the steady pressure of fingertips on his arm and he looked down to find Castiel holding his arm tightly. He jerked his head up to look at Castiel as Cas asked softly, "What is it that you want, Dean?"

Dean's throat went dry. Castiel's eyes were searching his, and he was torn between just telling Cas and closing that extra distance to lock lips with Cas. Instead he did what he always did. He chickened out like a coward and ran, yanking his arm out of Castiel's grip and sprinting for the door. He yanked it open and ignored the confused look from Sam as he grabbed his keys and left the apartment, the door slamming behind him.

He didn't even know where he was going. He just drove until it got so dark that he had to flip on the headlights to avoid crashing. He didn't stop after the beams lit up the road, just kept on driving. When he finally stopped it was because he was afraid his bladder was going to burst and he wasn't going to use his mojo because he wanted to rough it. He wanted to piss on the side of the road and flip off the officers that came to tell him not to. He just wanted to be a normal dude who didn't have problems with religious angels that he could never be with.

Dean slumped against the Impala after he had finished his business and zipped himself up. He had no idea where he was and he had no intention of going back to his apartment tonight, or the next morning, or even the next week for that matter. He just wanted to stay out here forever and slowly fade away until all that would be left was the Impala and people would drive by and wonder why it was on the side of the road without a driver.

He materialized a beer out of the air and took a long drink, nearly draining the entire bottle. He could get drunk if he wanted to and he damn well wanted to now so he kept drinking until he had a rather impressive collection of bottles at his feet. After the fifth bottle, a wave of anger swept over him and he gripped the neck of the bottle tightly before raising his arm and throwing it as far as he could.

The sound of glass breaking made him smile and he picked up another bottle, chucking it as he yelled to the air, "You gonna come an' stop me, Cas?" The glass shattered against the road. "Come 'n stop me, angel! Come and tell me all th' things I can't do! Come on you son of a bitch!"

He screamed the last bit to the heavens and then fell to the ground in a heap of limbs. Dean could feel the wetness of tears sliding down his cheeks but he ignored them. Everything hurt too much. He just wanted to die... again, which probably wasn't even possible. He hated acting like this, hell he was like a fucking teenager that had just broken up with someone for the first time. He was pathetic.

Dean jerked as he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up with bleary eyes to see Castiel's concerned face. Cas's lips were moving, but Dean couldn't, didn't, want to hear him. He wanted to get away and never have to look at those eyes again, or the lips that kept shaping his name.

"Dean!" Castiel yelled loudly, shaking him a few times.

"G'way," Dean mumbled, pushing at Castiel's shoulder.

"Dean, dispel the alcohol from your system now," Castiel commanded, his grip on Dean tightening.

"No," Dean slurred, "Don' wanna. G'way from me."

Castiel sighed and Dean could feel the breath against his ear as Castiel bent down to hoist him to his feet. He swayed and nearly fell, but Castiel kept him upright with one hand while the other opened the Impala. Castiel shoved Dean into the passenger seat and then turned the car on. The part of Dean that wasn't so fuzzy wondered when Cas had learned to drive, but then he slumped against the window as Castiel made a sharp U-turn.

Castiel pushed Dean into a sitting position and said, "If you won't sober up by the time we get back to your apartment then you're going to be very sorry, Dean."

"Don' care," Dean groaned, curling up on the seat and facing away from Castiel.

"Fine," Castiel snapped, "But I'm not pitying you and your hangover tomorrow."

"Whatever," Dean said moodily, waving a hand at Castiel.

Dean didn't really remember the rest of the drive, or Castiel helping him into the house and throwing him down on his bed. He vaguely recalled Cas telling Sam that everything was fine, before ushering Sam into his own room for the night. The last thing Dean remembered before he passed out was Castiel tucking him under the covers and calling him an "assbutt" although he blamed his inebriated mind for making up that last part.


	7. Hangovers and Daddy Issues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean took a quick shower and scrubbed at his teeth and tongue for a good five minutes, telling himself that he should be fresh for Cas just in case a miracle happened and Cas's tongue wound up in his mouth with the taste of butter and cinnamon from the cookies on it. He licked his lips in thought and then decided that that taste combined with the mint of his toothpaste might not be the best thing, and then he cursed because he wasn't going to be kissing Cas anytime soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this is so late! I've been super busy lately. But I'm hoping to upload the next chapter at the usual time next Friday.

Dean woke several hours later when his stomach decided to try and murder him. He made a mad rush for the bathroom and spent several minutes retching into the toilet before he remembered that he's a fucking angel. He was just about to use his power to clear his head and stop his stomach from eating itself when there was the sound of his name being hissed through Castiel's teeth.

He looked up slowly to see Castiel standing above him, arms crossed, shaking his head slowly. He was dressed in the Marvin the Martian t-shirt and one of the looser pairs of jeans, which he pulled up to avoid letting them drag in a pile of sick that Dean had made when he'd missed the toilet on the first go.

Castiel leaned over Dean. "I told you that you'd regret not sobering up last night," he tutted.

"Shut up," Dean moaned before his stomach heaved again and he quickly ducked his head into the toilet bowl.

He could feel the cool press of a towel against his neck and he leaned into the touch as Castiel muttered about how he was going to be stuck cleaning up Dean's vomit. Dean made a pitiful noise and Castiel tutted his tongue again before saying, "Lean back when you can. Your shirt is a mess."

Dean waited until his stomach didn't feel like someone was attacking it with a chainsaw, and then he slowly moved so that Castiel could lean down and take off his soiled shirt. Under different circumstances he'd make a snarky comment about the way Cas's fingers brushed against Dean's sides as he slipped the shirt over his head and tossed it into the tub.

Castiel grabbed a wet towel and dabbed at the back of Dean's neck. When Dean began shivering, Castiel sat down behind him, bringing him closer so that Dean was resting against him, his back to Castiel's chest as Castiel pressed the cool towel over Dean's forehead. This time Dean did say something about how gentle Cas's hands were as they stroked down his shoulders to stop his shivering.

Castiel gripped his right shoulder tightly in warning and Dean went quiet. He let Castiel hold him until his teeth stopped chattering. Castiel laid him against the shower door as he went to clean up the vomit from the floor.

"Sorry bout that," Dean whispered, winching slightly as his stomach lurched again.

Castiel pointed to the toilet. "Do it in there if you're going to throw up again. I don't want to have to clean the floor more than I have to."

Dean nodded and closed his eyes. He focused on his breathing and relaxed when his stomach stopped clenching up. Castiel was busy scrubbing at the tiles on the floor so he didn't notice when Sam came in. Dean gave the kid a lopsided smile and Sam looked from him to Cas with a confused, and slightly accusatory expression.

"Hey, Sammy," Dean said.

Castiel's head snapped up and he gave Sam a look. "I thought you were playing on the Wii?" Sam shrugged and held out an empty glass to Castiel who sighed. "There are water bottles on the bottom shelf in the fridge. You can have one of those and I'll make you some chocolate milk once I'm done taking care of Dean."

Sam nodded and padded out of the bathroom. Dean turned to Cas and gave him a thumbs up. "Doin' good there daddio."

Castiel shot him a glare and tossed the dirtied towel into the tub alongside Dean's shirt. He stood up, asking, "Can you walk?"

"Course I can," Dean retorted.

He stood up quickly and immediately regretted it as his world started spinning. Castiel was up in an instant, a steady pressure against Dean's side as he held him up, and said in a slightly teasing tone, "Liar."

Dean huffed and leaned into Castiel's side more. He couldn't stop himself from letting his head drop onto Castiel's shoulder as he said, "Are you gonna fix me up, doc?"

Castiel wrinkled his nose. "I'm going to order you to brush your teeth."

Dean chuckled but stopped when he remembered whey he'd gone out and gotten shit faced drunk last night. He suddenly didn't want Cas to care for him, to baby him and hold him up because he couldn't stand. He pushed away from Cas, ignoring the confusion that flicked over the angel's face as he started hobbling toward his bed. He just wanted to sleep and never wake up again. He fell face first onto the comforter and didn't even bother to hitch his other leg up so that he was halfway on the bed with one arm and leg dangling off it.

He could hear Castiel's sigh and then Cas was moving his limbs so that he was fully on the bed. Castiel's rough voice was somewhere near his ear, but he didn't remove his face from the pillow to look at him as he said, "I'm going to get you some water. Don't empty whatever's left in your stomach on your sheets while I'm gone."

Dean flipped him off and Castiel left, returning a few moments later and forcing Dean into a sitting position. Dean crossed his arms and made a show of refusing to drink from the glass that Castiel presented him, but then Cas grabbed him by the jaw and commanded him to take a drink and he did because Cas had that threatening look in his eyes.

"Good," was all Castiel said when Dean finally swallowed the water, but his hand didn't move from where his fingers had locked themselves around Dean's jaw.

Dean swallowed again, this time because he was actually a bit nervous at how hard Castiel was holding him. Castiel's eyes flitted and Dean looked on in slight confusion as Castiel's eyes clearly followed the bobbing of his throat. They flicked away again, coming to lock with Dean's and then Castiel's fingers were gone and the bed shifted as he got up.

"Get some sleep," he said, "And take a shower." He set a package of crackers on the bedside table. "Eat these if you can. Yell if you need anything. Sam and I are going to be reading so I'll hear you."

Castiel made to leave, but Dean grabbed his hand in a spur of the moment action. Cas turned around and Dean gave him a small smile. "Thanks, Cas."

The angel's lips quirked up in what could have been a smile, but then he was gone and Dean slumped back onto the bed to wallow in his misery. Everything was still so fucked up and he hated it, and now Cas had just help him nurse a hangover with gentle touches that had turned into something that bordered on possessive. Dean couldn't deny that there had been a fire in Cas's eyes when he watched Dean take the water. The thought made something hot burn in Dean's stomach and aroused was not what he wanted to be right now. Not after throwing up for a half an hour.

He groaned and rolled onto his stomach again. Maybe he could suffocate himself with his pillow. But that would mean that his angel energy would kick in and then Sam would probably sense it or whatever and things would go to hell. So pillow suffocation, bad idea. Whining to Cas to bring him his phone so he could listen to Zeppelin, good idea.

Dean lifted his nose from the pillow and yelled over his shoulder, "Cas grab my phone and my earbuds!"

There was the sound of a book being slammed shut and then the sound of the bedroom door being opened. His phone was dropped onto the sheets and then the door slammed behind Castiel's retreating figure. Dean grabbed his phone and plugged in the headphones, jamming them into his ears and blaring "Black Dog" so loudly that he was convinced he would probably pop an eardrum, not that he cared.

He fell asleep halfway through the song and awoke to the smell of burnt food coming from the kitchen. Rubbing at his eyes he sat up, letting the earbuds fall out on their own as he stretched. After a couple sips of the water Cas had left and a few crackers he got up and made his way down the hallway, not even bothering to pull on a shirt.

Castiel and Sam were both in the kitchen and it was obvious that they had tried, and failed, to bake cookies. They were both staring sadly at a plateful of burnt Snickerdoodles and Sam looked as though he were about to cry. Dean had to stifle his laugh when he noticed that Cas seemed on the verge of lip quivering as well.

"I take it things didn't go so well, Betty Crocker?" Dean said with a smirk as he went to sit on one of the barstools.

Sam nodded sadly and picked up a charred cookie, turning it over in his fingers and looking like somebody had just stabbed his puppy. Castiel took the cookie from him and dumped it, along with the rest, into the trash can, commenting, "I'm sure Dean knows how to properly prepare cookies?"

It was posed as a question so Dean said, "Sure do!"

He hopped off the barstool and went to go grab the bag of flour, but Castiel stopped him with two fingers on his chest, saying, "Not until you've showered and scrubbed your tongue. I can still smell vomit on you."

Dean stuck his tongue out and then smiled, leaning closer to Castiel as he said, "Would you like to double check that I didn't brush my teeth? You can tell me if you taste mint on my tongue."

Castiel pushed him away, his hand flat on Dean's chest and Dean noticed that Castiel's palm was quite warm against his skin before it disappeared as Castiel said, "Just go clean up."

Dean winked at him and then made his way to the bathroom, swinging his hips a bit and he must have imagined that Castiel's eyes followed the movement before he turned to get Sam something out of the fridge.

Dean took a quick shower and scrubbed at his teeth and tongue for a good five minutes, telling himself that he should be fresh for Cas just in case a miracle happened and Cas's tongue wound up in his mouth with the taste of butter and cinnamon from the cookies on it. He licked his lips in thought and then decided that that taste combined with the mint of his toothpaste might not be the best thing, and then he cursed because he wasn't going to be kissing Cas anytime soon.

He tried not to look moody as he went back into the kitchen. Sam and Castiel both turned hopeful faces to him and he put on a smile, clapping his hands together and saying, "Okay gang! Assignment time. Cas, you're in charge of ingredients and Sam, you're gonna help me get the oven going."

Sam happily skipped over to Dean and watched as Dean set the oven to the right number. Castiel was busy organizing the flour and eggs and Dean pulled out a large bowl, placing it on the counter and then hoisting Sam up to sit next to it as he explained the order of the ingredients. Making cookies from scratch was always something that cheered him up, and Sam's smiling face made it even better.

He wanted the kid to be happy. Sam always seemed sad and Dean couldn't blame him. Losing someone was hard and Sam was just a kid. Things had moved so fast with the adoption and Cas moving in that it still seemed a bit unreal. But Sam's smile was genuine and it warmed Dean's heart when Sam let out a little laugh as Dean showed off by juggling a few of the eggs.

They mixed the dough and each ate more than they should of before the rolled them up into little balls and covered them with the cinnamon and sugar blend. Dean teased Cas about trying to get the dough into perfect balls and then both of them had to stare when Sam held out the roundest ball of dough Dean had ever seen. It was perfectly circular and Dean snapped a picture of it with his phone after praising Sam.

While the cookies were baking they all went to play a few rounds of Mario Kart and Dean was surprised again when Sam kicked his ass on Rainbow Road. "Dude! Where did you learn to play like that?"

"He's been practicing nonstop while you were drooling on your pillow," Castiel explained before frowning as his character fell into space again.

Dean elbowed Castiel's remote as his car sped off again and Toad went down in a blaze of glory and heavy sigh from Castiel. Dean nudged him in the shoulder. "I can give you lessons if you want."

"No thank you," Castiel retorted, standing up and going to retrieve the cookies as the timer beeped, leaving Sam and Dean to battle it out for first.

The cookies turned out much better than Sam and Cas's batch and they all ate their fair share of the cookies, cringing because they were far too warm, but too delicious not to eat right out of the oven. They made three batches and put the rest in a bag for later, then they all piled onto the couch to play another few rounds of Mario Kart.

Dean had little time to be pissed at Cas over the next few weeks. They didn't really talk much. Cas had taken to sleeping on the couch at night and they were both busy as hell with Sam. Things changed during dinner on a Tuesday night. Dean had made mac n cheese with hot dog chunks in it and Sam was picking at it moodily.

Dean pointed his fork at Sam. "Stop playing with your food."Sam stuck his tongue out and Dean snapped, "Don't make me hafta daddy you."

There was the sound of a fork clanging and both Dean and Castiel looked up with equally surprised expressions when Sam yelled, "You're not my dad!"

The sound echoed a bit and then Sam was running to his room, the door slamming behind him. Dean looked at Castiel, who was mid bite, the fork inches away from his mouth. Dean jerked a thumb towards Sam's door while raising an eyebrow and Castiel set his fork down, saying, "You should go talk to him."

Dean scooted his chair back, muttering, "Kid finally talks and it's cause I pissed him off. Figures."

Castiel gave him a concerned look as he went down the hallway to stand in front of Sam's door. He knocked once and then cleared his throat when he didn't get a reply. "Sam?"

Sam's little voice came from the other side, "Go away!"

"Sam I just wanna talk."

The door opened and Sam's tear streaked face looked up at him. His bottom lip was trembling and Dean's heart hurt looking at him. "I said go away!" Sam shrieked.

He shoved at Dean and then tried to shut the door on his face, but Dean put a hand out and caught it. Sam gave up struggling with him and ran over to the bed, jumping up on it and pulling the sheets over his head. Dean shut the door softly behind him and went to sit on the edge of the bed.

He could hear Sam's soft sobs and he asked, "Sammy, you okay?"

"No!" was the muffled response.

Dean sighed. "Look, I'm not," he bit his lip. How was he supposed to do this? He took a deep breath. "I'm not trying to be your dad and I know that you're hurting. Losing anybody is hard, believe me I know. Both my parents died in a fire when I was a few years younger than you."

Sam's face appeared through a gap in the sheets and he sniffed, "Really?"

Dean nodded sadly. "Yeah. I blamed myself for a long time, but then I let it go, cause that's just what you gotta do. It's not your fault and you can't do anything about it. And I understand if you don't like me cause you don't really, hell, you'd never even met me before Cas and I came to get you. But I'm not here to be your dad if you don't want me to be."

"I don't," Sam said softly, playing with the edge of a blanket.

"Well then how bout a brother?"

Sam's eyebrows knitted together. "A brother?"

"Sure," Dean said, leaning back on his elbows while he watched Sam, "Uncles are boring, but brothers are cool. You ever had a big brother?" Sam shook his head and Dean smiled. "It's fun." He flicked Sam's ear, "And I promise not to give you too many noogies."

Sam cracked a small smile and sat up. He rubbed at his eyes and sniffed loudly. "You want a tissue?" Dean asked.

Sam nodded and Dean got up to grab the box from a nearby dresser. He offered it to Sam, who took one and blew his nose loudly before handing the soiled tissue back to Dean, who scrunched his nose and held it at arm's length saying, "Thanks."

While Dean threw the tissue away, Sam asked, "What about Cas?"

Dean sat back down on the bed. "What about him?"

"He's not gonna try to be my dad either, is he?"

Dean shook his head. "Nah. Cas will just be, well, Cas I guess."

Sam pursed his lips and looked at his hands for a few seconds before looking at Dean with a quizzical expression. "Is Cas your boyfriend?"

Dean could feel his cheeks get hot and he coughed, rubbing at the back of his neck as he said, "Uh, no. Cas and I, er, we're just friends."

"Oh," Sam said, still looking confused.

Dean put a hand on his shoulder, eager to steer the conversation away from Cas. "So we good now?"

Sam nodded and Dean ruffled his hair before getting up. "Whadda ya say I make you some hot chocolate and then let you beat me at Mario Kart."

Sam hopped off the bed with a, "But I win every time."

"Oh we'll see about that," Dean told him with a wink.

Sam gave him a tiny smile and then Dean was surprised when he went forward and wrapped his arms around Dean's waist, hugging him tightly, his face against Dean's lower stomach. Dean could feel Sam say, "Thank you" before pulling away and skipping out into the kitchen where Castiel was waited expectantly.

"Everything okay?" Castiel asked as Dean went over to grab a hot chocolate packet while Sam sat down across from Castiel.

"Everything's good," Sam told him. Castiel raised his eyebrows at Dean and Dean mouthed "later".

Sam was much happier the rest of the evening and he talked up a storm, commenting on everything from the hot chocolate to the movie that they all watched after dinner. Dean couldn't help but smile while looking at him bouncing around and tugging at Dean's hand to come tuck him in for bed that night. Dean caught Castiel grinning as well while Sam dragged him to his bedroom, talking rapidly about his batman pjs.

"Of course Batman isn't as cool as Spider-man," Sam assessed as he pulled on the pajamas.

"Don't you be dissing on Batman," Dean chided.

"But Batman doesn't have any powers," Sam said as he climbed up onto the bed.

Dean fluffed a pillow as he commented, "Batman doesn't need superpowers to be badass." He tucked Sam in. "Now you need to get some sleep, okay partner?"

Sam sighed but snuggled into the sheets. Dean patted his head. "Night kiddo."

"Night, Dean," Sam echoed cheerily. As Dean was about to shut the door, Sam yelled, "Say goodnight to Cas for me!"

Dean smiled. "I will."

Sam waved as he shut the door and Dean inhaled deeply before going to where Castiel was doing the dishes. Castiel wiped his hands on a towel when Dean went to sit on a barstool. He crossed his arms, raised one eyebrow and asked, "What happened?"

Dean put his hands up. "I honestly have no idea. I guess the kid thought we were trying to replace his parents or something."

"And what did you tell him?"

"That we weren't, obviously. I told him that we could be brothers and that you would be my cool boyfriend who likes to murder cookies."

Castiel shot him a look and Dean said, "I'm kidding. But I am serious about Sam being sensitive about his parents. So don't baby him or whatever."

Castiel nodded and then he said softly, "I sorta overheard a little of your conversation. Is that true about your parents?"

Dean looked down at his lap. "Yeah. I was four. I guess there was a gas leak or something and the whole place burned to the ground. My dad got me out and went back for my mom and," he swallowed, "they didn't make it."

Dean felt Castiel put a hand on his, squeezing it briefly as he said, "I'm sorry."

Dean shook his head. "It's fine. I mean it was like a really fucking long time ago and I've gotten over it. I just want Sam to be happy, ya know?"

Castiel nodded and took his hand away to prop his chin in it as he said, "He certainly seems better."

"At least he's talking now. That's good. Although the kid likes Spider-man better than Batman and that could be a problem."

Castiel rolled his eyes and went back to doing the dishes. Dean messed around on his phone for a bit and then he coughed loudly so that he had Castiel's attention as he said, "So are you gonna sleep on the couch again tonight."

"I suppose so," Castiel replied, drying off a bowl.

"My bed is big enough for two you know," Dean commented, hoping that it came off as casual.

Castiel set the bowl down and looked at him. "Dean you know why I can't."

"The Jesus book doesn't say anything about sleepovers."

"But it does speak against temptation," Castiel snapped before going a deep red and looking away.

Dean's eyebrows raised. "Temptation? Are you saying that you're gonna be tempted to do something if we share a bed again?"

Castiel's shoulders tensed and then he said, "I might be tempted to strangle you in your sleep."

"Oh come on, Cas!" Dean yelled, coming to stand beside him. He put a hand on his arm. "You can tell me if you wanna fuck me Cas. I'm all for it."

Castiel gave him an appalled look and growled, "I never would."

"Well then what were you doing in the shower this morning?" Dean blurted out, "Cause I'm pretty sure that wasn't shampooing your hair."

Castiel's eyes went wide and he started stuttering. Dean cut him off with a, "Yeah I know about that. You better have washed those tiles off. I'm not having your jizz all over my shower cause you needed to get off."

This time Castiel's eyes narrowed and he set the bowl down to put a finger in the center of Dean's chest as he hissed, "How dare you suggest that I was engaging in such an act."

"Oh you weren't, were you?" Dean growled back.

Castiel opened his mouth, but then he clamped it shut with a loud click and shoved Dean away. He stormed out of the kitchen, grabbing his trench coat from a nearby chair and pulling it on as Dean yelled after him, "If you go out and get drunk I'm not gonna come get your sorry ass, ya got that?"

Castiel didn't reply, just slammed the door hard as the left. Dean slammed his fist against the counter and immediately regretted it as a sharp spike of pain shot through it. He thought about just throwing everything to hell and going after Cas in his true form so he could properly beat the shit out of him. But that would mean risking Sam finding out about them and it was way too soon to have the Antichrist conversation.

He was just about to pull out a beer and possibly get drunk again when Sam appeared in the hallway, holding a blanket and rubbing at his eyes sleepily. Dean shut the fridge as Sam padded over to the kitchen, his footie pjs making soft thumps on the hardwood.

He looked up at Dean with those big eyes of his and asked, "Why are you and Cas fighting?"

Dean sighed and bent down to pick Sam up. Sam let him carry him back to his room and Dean set him down on the mattress, sitting next to him and putting his hands on his knees as he said, "Sometimes you don't see eye to eye with people or they do something to make you angry."

"Did Cas make you angry?" Sam asked innocently, scooting closer to Dean.

Dean crossed his arms over his chest and rocked a little as he explained, "There's just something Cas and I are kinda having a problem with. But it's no big deal."

Sam was quiet and then he threw Dean completely off guard by asking, "Do you love Cas?"

He swallowed and was surprised to find himself answering with, "It's complicated."

"You should tell him," Sam said plainly.

Dean snorted and he stood up to tuck Sam in again. "You're supposed to be asleep."

Sam looked up at him from the pillow. "I can tell him for you if you want."

Dean pulled the sheets up to the child's shoulders. "Goodnight, Sam."


	8. Heartbreak Hotel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean felt that anger boiling in his veins again and he excused himself to go and sulk in his bedroom. A part of him considered calling someone, but then he remembered that he didn't really have any other friends besides Cas and there was no way he was calling up some demon to complain about his sick crush on a Heaven angel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so late! I am trying to stick to my original schedule, but I keep getting busy. 
> 
> Warning, there is self harm in this chapter. But the next chapter gets good.

He left before Sam could say anything else, shutting the door quietly before going to slump onto the couch. Leave it to a kid to voice his problem so clearly. He wasn't into labeling things and the whole love thing was something that he stayed away from like it was fire, even if fire didn't bother him anymore.

He'd thought he was in love a couple of times as a human, but nothing had come of it. Rather the girls had told him to fuck off for reasons that he had never been able to comprehend. He'd actually been driving off a broken heart when he'd died and now here he was again with that fucking L-word hanging over his head like a dark cloud.

Sure he was attracted to Cas sexually, but he'd never given any thought to the possibility that it was anything more than that. Thinking about it now though, he got a weird sorta feeling in his chest, as though someone had released a butterfly in his ribcage. Was he in love with Cas? Sure he felt that weird heat in his gut sometimes when he looked at him, but he'd always passed it off as physical attraction. Now that Sam had asked that though, he wasn't so sure if that was all it was.

He rubbed at his eyes and went to grab that beer from the fridge, sipping at it slowly while watching the clock tick slowly. By the time one am rolled around Dean began to get worried. Cas could take care of himself, but they had a charge and there was no way Cas would just abandon it because Dean had caught him jerking off.

Dean did have to admit that he was wondering about the whole temptation thing. They way Cas acted sometimes made him wonder if maybe the attraction wasn't only one way. But there was no way in hell Cas would ever make a move. It broke too many of his angel laws, even if that meant sacrificing his own feelings. Dean sighed. He wasn't about to let himself go down the train of thought where Cas felt the same way about him, it just meant more pain for him later.

He gave Cas another half an hour and then he called him. The hello he got was short and it seemed spat into the phone. "Cas where are you?" Dean asked.

"My current location is none of your concern," Castiel retorted.

"It is if you're on the side of the road somewhere or passed out in a bar."

There was a scuffling noise and then Cas said, "Do you think I'd be talking right now if I was passed out?"

"Stop being a sarcastic asshole and just tell me where you are, okay?"

"No," Castiel shouted.

Dean groaned. "Dammit, Cas, just tell me where you are so I can come pick you up."

"Why?"

"Cause I care about you," Dean said blatantly, "and I want to make sure you're safe."

"I'm not a baby, Dean," Castiel replied but his tone was softer.

"I know, but that doesn't mean I can't worry about you and Sam's worried too. You woke him up when you left."

"Sorry. Did you get him back to bed?"

"Yeah, but you should come back before he wakes up or he'll be concerned."

There was silence from Castiel and then he said, "I'm at a bar downtown. I'll be back in an hour."

"You better be," Dean told him before Cas hung up.

He put his phone down and then dropped his head in his hands. At least Cas was coming back and he didn't sound too pissed. Dean still didn't like it, but he supposed there wasn't much he could do besides wait for Cas to come back.

He got up and went to make sure the door was unlocked but he noticed that the keys to the apartment were missing from the bowl that he usually kept them in. He pulled out his phone and texted Cas:

_Do you have the keys?_

The reply came quickly: _Yes. You can go to bed and I'll let myself in._

Dean texted back: _Don't forget to lock it up._ Then he slowly made his way to his bedroom. He took off his jeans and shirt and snuggled under the covers, curling up in a ball on the far side of the bed even though he knew that he was going to be sleeping alone again tonight.

He was in the middle of going over an Asia song in his head when the sound of the door opening came from outside. It was followed by the door shutting again then the noise of it locking. Dean relaxed again when he heard Cas's familiar footsteps in the hallway. He tensed up again though when the sound of his door being opened met his ears.

He pretended to be asleep, shutting his eyes and breathing slowly as Castiel moved around the room. Dean could hear fabric sliding over skin and then the bed dipped on the other side, the covers pulled down momentarily before he felt the heat of another body beside his.

Dean cracked open an eye and quickly shut it when he saw Cas's face across from his. From his quick glance he could tell that Cas was tired. He opened his eyes a sliver and looked at the bags under Castiel's own eyes. Cas was looking past him, at a point over his shoulder and Dean noticed that Castiel was dressed in his boxers just like he was and now Dean realized why the heat from Castiel's body wasn't impaired by any clothing.

His bed was Queen sized so it was easy to put some space between them, but Cas was closer than Dean would have expected. He shut his eyes when Castiel's gaze flickered down to his face and he heard Cas whisper, "Dean?"

He didn't answer and Castiel sighed before turning over so that he was facing the bathroom and not Dean. Dean opened his eyes and watched the steady expanding of Castiel's chest as he breathed. A part of him thought about finishing their earlier conversation, but he was too tired to fight with Cas again tonight and tomorrow they were supposed to go out and buy school supplies for Sam since he would be starting second grade soon.

Castiel shifted again so that he was lying on his back and Dean watched him stare at the ceiling for a long time before his eyes finally shut for good and he started snoring softly. Dean flipped onto his back and played "Traveling Riverside Blues" in his head until his own eyes began to shut.

He woke the next morning to find that Castiel had wrapped himself around him in the middle of the night. Cas had his arms around Dean's left arm and he was snuffling quietly against Dean's bicep. Dean smiled and ran a hand down Castiel's back before he realized what he was doing. He quickly pulled away, jerking so much that Castiel woke and blearily looked around.

Castiel quickly released Dean's arm and scooted away from him, his cheeks red. Dean thought against saying something about it and settled for, "Couch wasn't comfortable enough for you?"

Castiel looked away, twining his fingers nervously in the sheets. He worried his bottom lip and then said softly, "They came to check in on me last night."

Dean sat up. "What? Who did? The angels?"

Castiel nodded. "They sent Samandriel to make sure that I had apprehended Sam without incident."

"They seriously used apprehended," Dean asked. Castiel shrugged and Dean shook his head before saying, "What did you tell him?"

"That everything was fine," Castiel replied, "He said that they'd be checking in just like Meg did."

Dean ran a hand through his hair, commenting, "So basically we're gonna hafta be careful and make sure that they don't find us together."

"It would seem so."

"Great," Dean groaned.

He flopped back onto the bed and threw an arm over his face. The bed moved as Castiel got up to head for the bathroom. Dean spent a couple more minutes lying there before he went to pull on a shirt and some sweats to go make breakfast while Cas showered.

Sam came out of his room a few minutes after Dean had put the French toast on the griddle and Cas followed him into the kitchen, both of them sniffing the air as the smell of cinnamon wafted through the apartment. Sam skipped over to the table and sat in the chair that he had claimed for himself. He patted his hands on the table as he waited for Dean to finish cooking and Cas went to get the drinks out.

Sam stopped his absent beat on the surface of the table to ask, "Did you make up with Cas, Dean?"

Dean tensed. Maybe Sam talking now wasn't such a good thing. He cleared his throat to answer, but Cas beat him to it, saying, "Dean and I are fine."

Sam nodded and said, "Good."

He resumed his tapping on the table, swaying from side to side in what looked like some sort of dance. Dean tried to catch Castiel's eyes as Cas went to grab the orange juice from the fridge, but Cas was purposefully avoiding his gaze.

Dean put the toast on plates and he and Castiel went to join Sam at the table. Sam tucked into the breakfast like he hadn't eaten in days. Dean picked at his food and Castiel didn't even touch his, choosing to peruse the paper instead. The sound of Sam chewing loudly soon became quite tedious and Dean cleared his throat.

"So we're getting you school stuff today, huh Sammy?"

Sam nodded and said around a mouthful of toast, "I want a Batman backpack."

Dean grinned and Castiel looked up from the news to comment, "I thought you liked Spider-man."

"I do," Sam told him, "But I have Spider-man shoes so I need a Batman backpack."

"Ahh, I see," Castiel said absently, going back to his reading.

Dean put his fork down and took his plate to the sink, barely touched. He wasn't hungry and he just wanted to get the day over with so that he could come back and get away from Cas. Sam and Cas dropped their plates off next to Dean's and Dean washed them quickly so that he could take a fast shower and then head out to get Sam's stuff.

The shopping went quickly and they were soon ready to check out when Dean noticed Sam chatting with a redhead. He went over to them, putting a hand on Sam's shoulder and saying, "Time to go, Sammy."

"Dean," Sam said excitedly, tugging on his arm. He pointed to the woman in front of him. "This is Charlie."

Dean gave her a curt nod and she extended a hand. "It's Bradbury, Charlie Bradbury. Great to meet you."

"Yeah," Dean said, shaking her hand quickly, he was ready to go and block out the world again.

Charlie looked down at Sam fondly. "Sam and I were just discussing Star Wars."

"Glad you two have so much in common," Dean said moodily and Sam shot him an angry glance.

Castiel came back from where he was getting a pack of Sharpies. He looked Charlie up and down distastefully and she bounded forward to shake his hand, looking to Sam, who immediately piped up, "That's Cas. He's not Dean's boyfriend, but Dean l-"

"That's enough outta you," Dean said quickly, putting a hand over Sam's mouth and looking nervously over at Cas, who was still staring at Charlie with narrowed eyes.

Sam pushed Dean's hand away and went to grab the Sharpies from Castiel so he could inspect them. Charlie gave Dean a knowing smile and stepped closer so she could hand Dean a piece of paper saying, "If you guys ever need a break or a nice romantic dinner out, I'd be more than happy to watch Sam for you."

Dean looked down at the phone number scrawled on the edge of a Starbucks napkin. He tucked it into his back pocket and said gruffly, "Thanks."

Charlie gave him a big smile and leaned in closer so that only Dean could hear her as she said, "I'm also good with relationships if you want advice." She titled her head toward Cas, "He's dreamy. Wouldn't let him get away."

She gave Dean a wink as she walked away, Sam waving and saying goodbye loudly. Charlie gave him a mock salute and then ducked down another isle of the Target. Castiel's eyes followed her until she was out of sight and then he whispered to Dean, "She's not a demon."

"Awesome," Dean replied. He looked down at Sam. "Got everything?"

"Yup!" Sam said happily, swinging the packet of Sharpies around as he practically skipped toward the checkout.

Dean picked up the basket with the rest of Sam's school supplies, and he and Castiel met Sam at the cashier stand. They bought everything and Sam insisted on wearing his Batman backpack, which Dean had to admit was pretty sweet. It even had a little cape that flowed out when Sam ran ahead of Dean and Cas to beat them to the Impala.

The drive to Dean's apartment was filled with Sam's fast talking as he told Dean and Castiel all about how cool Charlie was and how she did this thing called LARPing where she got to dress up like a Queen and apparently she had told Sam that he could be her knight in shining armor. Sam's excitement and energy was practically tangible and Castiel kept glancing back at him with a smile on his face.

Dean got takeout Chinese for dinner that night and they all ate in silence. Dean was in no mood to talk and Sam and Cas were too busy scarfing down their food to engage in conversation. Dean took their plates to the sink and started the dishwasher while Sam picked out a movie for them to watch that night.

It was called _Treasure Planet_ and Dean didn't expect it to be so good, although he got rather distracted when Castiel moved closer to him. Dean tried not to stiffen when Cas's hand slipped down into the small space between their thighs. Either Cas was being a little shit, or he didn't realize that he had pressed his shoulder up along Dean's.

Dean shifted and shit that was a bad idea cause now his hand was on his thigh and his fingers were brushing Castiel's. Castiel moved and then it was all over as Dean's hand slipped and their fingers slotted together and of course Cas's hand had to be palm up so that they were holding hands. Dean went tense and he could feel Castiel stiffen as well, but then Cas did something that threw Dean for a fucking loopty loop. Cas squeezed Dean's hand and rested his head on Dean's shoulder.

Dean's mind was blank. There was no way this could be happening, there was absolutely no fucking way that Cas had just sighed happily and turned his nose to press against Dean's shoulder. Had somebody drugged their Chinese or something?

Dean let out the breath he didn't know he'd been holding and he cursed himself when he made a little noise at the end of it. Cas didn't seem to notice, but Sam shot him a look and then smiled when he saw Dean and Cas's hands. Dean glared at him. If he wanted to hold Cas's hand, he damn well would, even though Cas had initiated it. Fuck. Cas had held his hand first. That wasn't doing things to his mind. Nope. And his side wasn't tingling where Cas was pressed against him. His leg was just falling asleep that's all.

A soft sound from Cas made Dean realize that the only thing actually falling asleep was Cas himself. Dean rubbed his thumb over Castiel's and whispered, "You okay?"

Castiel jerked violently and his hand slipped out of Dean's, much to Dean's disappointment. He looked around a few times and then down at where his thigh was pressed against Dean's. His expression turned fearful and he scooted away until there was a good foot of space between them. Sam had moved off the couch sometime ago to watch the movie from the floor, lying on his stomach and looking up at it, which meant that it was just Dean and Cas on the couch, with a fucking chasm between them now. At least it seemed that way to Dean.

Castiel's eyes darted over the Dean and Dean could've sworn that he looked apologetic. This was just too weird. He could understand the whole falling asleep thing. Now that they were going mojoless their bodies got tired just like normal people, but it was too weird for Cas to hold Dean's hand and lean into him to just flinch away when Dean had said something.

Dean felt that anger boiling in his veins again and he excused himself to go and sulk in his bedroom. A part of him considered calling someone, but then he remembered that he didn't really have any other friends besides Cas and there was no way he was calling up some demon to complain about his sick crush on a Heaven angel.

He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. The repetitive motion was soothing and he continued doing it, letting his eyes slip shut and imagining that they were someone else's hands, not Cas's. Nope. The person he imagined whispering soothing words to him wasn't Cas at all. They just happened to have that same scratchy, deep voice.

A spike of anger shot through him and his hand jerked, yanking on his hair painfully. The pain made him want more and he gripped his hair tightly and tugged his head to the side and then back, arching from the bed and gritting his teeth as he pulled hard on his hair. This was something that he didn't like doing, self inflicted pain wasn't a good way to get through his problems, but he didn't want to face Cas again. He just wanted to feel those spikes of hurt until the tears started to fall down his cheeks.

He switched to biting when hair pulling wasn't enough and he knew he shouldn't get satisfaction from seeing the teeth marks on his arm. They were deep and quickly turning an angry purple color. He traced his thumb over the spit that coated the indentions and then he dug his nails into the palm of his hand, creating little half moons in the skin.

It still wasn't enough, but he was scared to do anything else lest Cas or Sam hear him and come to make sure he was alright. He settled for shimmying off his jeans so he could rake his nails down his thighs, creating white stripes that faded quicker than he wanted them to. He did it again and this time he actually drew blood. He stared at the red lines and then added a few more, inhaling sharply at the pain.

Human bodies were a strange thing when you're technically a wave of celestial intent or whatever the fuck angels were anyway. Being confined to one was like being chaining a comet and Dean often found as though he were being boxed in. Now was definitely one of those times. He just wanted to unfurl his wings and let his teeth grow sharp enough to press through his bottom lip so he felt the tang of his own blood in his mouth. He wanted to rake his claws down his sides and shred this useless meat suit to ribbons, to feel the pain of falling apart and never have to deal with the different kind of pain that came with looking at Cas.

He didn't realize he was crying until he let out a full on sob and then he could feel the wetness on his cheeks and the way his body trembled with the force of the tears. He clenched his fists into the sheets and let them fall. The taste of salt came when a couple of them fell into his open mouth and he licked his lips, getting another taste in the process. He gingerly reached a hand up and brushed his fingers along his bottom lip. Sure enough there was blood when he pulled them away. He must have bitten it and not realized. The sting that came when he ran his tongue over the incisions was another welcome bit of pain and he shut his eyes again, trying not to gasp as another wave of sobs made him shudder violently.

He didn't realize that Cas had come into the room until strong hands were cupping his cheeks and Castiel's face was swimming before his eyes. He shut them so he didn't have to look at Cas. Cas's hands shook him a bit roughly, but he didn't respond.

"Dean!" Cas yelled, "Dean what the heck are you doing?"

Dean's eyes snapped open at the sound of Castiel's voice and he shoved at the other angel. "Get away from me," he croaked.

"Dean you're bleeding," Castiel stated, his eyes sweeping over Dean's lower body.

He reached a hand out, but Dean batted it away. "Don't touch me."

Castiel grabbed his hands when Dean attempted to push him away. Castiel's voice was steady as he said, "Dean stop it. I'm going to help you."

He put his hand on Dean's cheek and Dean jerked away from the soft touch. "I said don't touch me."

Castiel opened his mouth, but before he could speak the sound of small feet in the doorway made them both turn to look at Sam, who was looking at them with wide eyes. Castiel stood up quickly and went over to him, blocking the doorway as he said, "Sam go to your room. Dean's not feeling well and I need to take care of him."

Sam opened his mouth to say something, but Castiel said, "Everything's fine. I promise. Dean's just got a stomach ache that's all."

Dean snorted loud enough for both of them to hear. Stomach ache his ass. Try full on heartbreak. Castiel gave him a concerned look and then turned back to Sam. He put a hand on his shoulder. "Why don't you read another chapter of Harry Potter? Okay?"

Sam nodded and gave Dean a sad look before leaving. Castiel let out a long sigh and then he was back at Dean's side, hands on his face, angling it so that Dean was forced to look at him as he said in a clipped tone, "What were you doing?"

Dean didn't answer. He just pried Castiel's hands from his face and then attempted to leave the bed, but he couldn't find the strength to do anything but sit up and fall right back on the bed. He didn't even bother to stop the little wounded sound that came out of him when Castiel brushed his fingers over Dean's sweaty forehead.

He cupped Dean's face in his hands, thumbs brushing away the tears that had begun to fall again as he asked, "What do you want, Dean?"

"I want you to stop fucking with me!" Dean yelled, his voice hoarse.

"What?"

"Stop leading me on!" Dean screamed.

Castiel looked hurt. "Dean I-"

"Don't," Dean sobbed, "Just don't. I don't wanna hear the Jesus speech. Just get away from me."

He managed to get up, but Castiel stopped him. "Dean," he pleaded.

"I said don't!" Dean cried and then he hit Cas. Hard.


	9. Rain Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part of him considered flapping down to a bar and picking up some dude to fuck his brains out, but he knew that he'd just see blue eyes and pale skin the entire time, especially now that he'd felt Cas's lips against his. Another part wanted to just stop billowing the wind under his wings and fall until he hit the earth. He knew that he'd ruin his vessel, but he'd heal. It was the momentary pain that he wanted, the jut of broken bones through skin, the red in his eyes, blotting out the blue of Castiel's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I'm late again for uplaoding. I'm just gonna say that this fic will for sure be updated by Sunday. 
> 
> This chapter starts getting interesting and there is a little bit of triggering stuff in it.
> 
> Thanks for the reviews guys! It keeps me going!

His fist landed directly on Castiel's right cheekbone and the force of the punch knocked Castiel onto his back. He sat up quickly, rubbing at his face with disbelief as Dean stared at him and then his hand, which was still clenched.

Dean was on the bed in an instant, gripping Castiel's shoulder. "Oh God, Cas. I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry."

Castiel waved him off. "It's fine. I'm fine."

It was obvious that he wasn't when he hissed as Dean's fingers came up to brush at the skin across his cheek. New tears began welling in Dean's eyes and he didn't even care if he looked like a baby as he leaned forward and buried his head under Castiel's chin while he said sorry again and again.

Castiel's arms wound around Deans waist and he held Dean against him for a brief moment before putting Dean at arm's length. "Dean," he said and Dean knew that tone meant business.

"No," he said wearily, "I told you I don't wanna hear it."

"I never meant to lead you on," Castiel said quickly, his grip on Dean's arms unwavering. Dean didn't meet his eyes and Castiel's hands tensed as he said, "You know what I'm going to say, so I won't say it again. But I will say sorry."

"I don't want your apology!" Dean hissed, jerking away from Castiel.

Dean was about to tell Castiel to leave him again, but the words never came out. Instead Cas's lips pressed against his, firm and steady. Dean went still, but Castiel's hands were on Dean's face now, drawing him closer as Castiel increased the pressure against Dean's mouth.

Dean was so stunned that he didn't even respond until he felt the insistent press of Castiel's tongue against the seam of his lips. He opened eagerly and then he was surging forward into the kiss, letting  
Cas put him against the bed as he hovered over him, their lips the only contact between them.

When Dean's tongue slid along Cas's he let out a loud moan which was matched by a breathy sound from Cas. Castiel's teeth clipped at Dean's bottom lip, drawing it in and soothing over the gouges that Dean's teeth had made earlier. Dean felt as though there was a fire raging through his veins. His entire being was burning and it felt so good.

Castiel's hands were in his hair and his lips were heaven, but then it was all gone as Castiel pulled away from him with a wet sound. Dean looked up at him, letting his eyes travel over his swollen lips and dilated pupils. Cas was breathing hard and Dean leaned up to try and capture his lips again but Castiel shook his head.

Castiel's expression was unreadable, but then he leaned forward and pressed his lips to Dean's in the softest kiss Dean had ever received in both life and afterlife. He could feel Castiel's breath as Cas whispered against his lips, "I'm sorry" and then Dean was left clutching empty air as Castiel stood up.

"Cas," he gasped, sitting up and reaching for the angel.

Castiel shook his head again. "I can't."

Dean made a wounded sound and Castiel grabbed his hand, bringing it to his lips and kissing the back of it. Dean was surprised when Castiel pressed Dean's palm against his cheek and there was wetness there. He brought his other hand up and pulled Castiel down so that they were eye level, Castiel kneeling in front of Dean.

Castiel's tears caused his eyes to turn an even more brilliant blue and Dean could already see a bruise beginning to form on his cheek. He swiped the pads of his thumbs across Castiel's face and then leaned in to kiss him softly again. Castiel let him, and when he finally pulled away he rested his forehead against Cas's, both of them breathing fast.

Castiel's voice was small when he finally spoke, "You know I can't do this, Dean. I should never have even done that."

"Bullshit," Dean growled, tightening his hold on Castiel's face. He pulled back so that he could look at Castiel as he said, "Forget about whatever your junkless buddies have told you and just tell me that you want this."

He pressed another quick kiss to Castiel's open mouth and Castiel inhaled sharply, pressing closer to Dean before he jerked his head back and said, "My brothers follow the instruction of our Father, who has clearly laid down that this is a sin."

"Who gives a fuck?" Dean snapped.

"I do!" Castiel yelled. He removed Dean's hands from where they were cupping his head and stood up. He fixed Dean with a heated look. "Homosexuality is a sin Dean, if I engage in it I am nothing more than the lowest of the creatures I was sent to be an example to."

Dean tried not to let the tears welling in his eyes spill as he said shakily, "But we're not human, Cas. You've never been human, it's gotta be different for us, right? Isn't there some passage in the Jesus book that says there won't be any sexuality in Heaven?"

Castiel shut his eyes and said in a pained tone, "There is no specific verse that speaks on it, rather mankind is to be like us, like me and my brethren."

"And what are you guys?" Dean said angrily.

"We are the creation of our Father, bound to serve him and bend to his will," Castiel spouted off, "We are to love humanity and help those who are worthy attain Heaven."

"Stop with the speech," Dean groaned, "It' fucking textbook. You've been programmed like a fucking robot, Cas."

Castiel's eyes popped open and Dean could see a tiny fire burning there as he said, "My sole purpose is to obey the commands of my Father."

"Have you ever actually talked to him?" Dean was on his feet as well now, clenching his hands into fists to resist the urge to grab Cas.

"I don't need to speak with him to know what he commands of me," Castiel retorted.

"And who's giving you those orders, huh? Michael and the rest of the big head honchos? Are they the ones talking with daddy and deciding that you can't be with me cause we happen to be the same sex?"

Castiel stepped forward suddenly, pointing an accusing finger at Dean as he said, "Leviticus 18:22. 'You shall not lie with a man as with a woman; it is an abomination.'"

"Forget the fucking Bible!" Dean yelled, "It was written for humans not angels and I get that you're supposed to be examples and shit, but things aren't exactly the same as they were back then and we're not exactly human."

"But I am to uphold the laws of my Father," Castiel replied, "And being with you is breaking them, it's sinning and I can't do that."

Dean was so close to just saying fuck to everything and going true form right there in the room. Letting his wings rip through the skin on his back and his nails pierce the sheets of his bed as he clawed his way back down to the pit where he could take out his anger on the souls there. He could tell that Castiel's grace was burning within him as well. The other angel was shaking slightly as he brought his hands up to run through his hair, making it messier than usual.

"I have to go," Castiel said, his voice quavering a bit.

Dean grabbed his arm. "Don't you dare. You're not leaving until you get this through your thick skull. You're not God's good little soldier, you've got a choice just as much as every human on the face of this fucking planet so think on that when you think about this."

He leaned forward and captured Castiel's lips in a firm kiss before leaving the room quickly so that Castiel wouldn't see the tears streaking down his cheeks. Castiel didn't call him back and he was out the door and down the stairs before he remembered that he wasn't wearing any pants and that there was dried blood from the scratches on his thighs. He took one look up at the window of his apartment, gave a second to think about what would happen if Sam were watching, and then threw everything to hell by letting his true form filter through.

His wings formed in a haze of smoke, spreading wide and catching the light breeze that had begun to blow. His nails dug into his palms and he curled his toes into the pavement, forcing the nails there to grow long and sharp as well. The night was cool and it contrasted sharply with the fire that was burning down his arms and flying off his tail as he flicked it back and forth. He gave an angry hiss and then launched into the dark sky.

The wind whipped past him as he flew, wings flapping ad gathering the wind while he clawed at the air around him, growling and baring his teeth at birds that were in the air despite the late hour. Dean actually went as far as clawing one out of the air, watching it fall to the earth with a screech. He flexed his wings and caught a different current that carried him south to where the low rumbles of thunder were starting.

He'd flown while in his vessel before and it was always and experience, the perfect joining of the supernatural and the physical. People were always talking about how cool it would be to fly, and Dean actually got to do it if he wanted to. He could just flap up into the air and never come down again if he so chose.

When Dean caught up with the storm he stopped, crossing his arms and hovering as he stared down the wall of rain that was rapidly approaching him. When it hit he titled his face upward, letting the chilling drops cling to his eyelashes while they soaked through his clothes. They stung the cuts on his legs and he welcomed the pain.

Lightning streaked through the sky and Dean went higher, until the air was too thin for any human to breathe. Of course it was no problem for him and he crossed his arms and looked down at the lights below him. The city below him sparkled slightly as he shifted with the wind currents. If he looked hard enough he could make out the night crowd bustling about on the streets. When he really concentrated the sound of the buses and car horns met his ears, clear and loud despite the thunder that rumbled around him.

A cover of dark clouds rolled underneath him, blocking his view and he went to flap lazily southward, his mind wandering. He'd kissed, no, fucking made out with Cas and Cas had been the one to start it. But then he'd backed off and quoted the Jesus book at him.

That anger seethed in Dean's veins again and he flew it off, soaring up higher and then barreling down into a dive that would make falcons jealous. He pulled up right before he hit the ground and then he climbed upward again, his brain working over the words that he had said to Cas before he'd left.

He had told Cas to disobey, to not be the good little soldier. He and Cas had free will as much as any other creation and Cas didn't seem to understand that. It seemed to Dean that God had left a long time ago and he didn't seem to be coming back anytime soon. From what Dean had seen in his battles with the Heaven angels, the archangels seemed to be the ones running things up top, much like Lucifer in the 24/7 sauna that he was supposed to call home.

Dean had never actually met any of the archangels, but he'd heard stories about them and they didn't seem the kind to always do exactly what God told them. He'd even heard rumors among his fellow demons that they were conspiring on their own without any say from their Father. Not that he cared what Heaven angels did, he just cared about Cas and the fact that he might be taking orders from someone who didn't have his best interests in mind. Dean didn't know how Heaven worked in terms of charges, but he'd be interested in learning who was telling Cas that he'd lose his wings or whatever if he got together with Dean.

Another loud crack of thunder shook Dean's body and he angled downward so that he wasn't in a place where he would get struck by lightning. The storm was quickly turning violent and he thought about going back to his apartment, but Cas was there and he didn't want to see him, maybe never again. He wished he could erase the past few hours entirely. Being stuck in a one sided sick crush was better than realizing that he might feel more than just physical attraction for Cas and then kissing him only to be put back on square one again, this time with a "lose your next turn" card.

He didn't even know what to call his relationship with Cas now. There was a moment during their conversation where he thought maybe, just maybe Cas might be feeling something as well, but then the whole sin thing had come up and he'd started crying like a fucking baby.

Part of him considered flapping down to a bar and picking up some dude to fuck his brains out, but he knew that he'd just see blue eyes and pale skin the entire time, especially now that he'd felt Cas's lips against his. Another part wanted to just stop billowing the wind under his wings and fall until he hit the earth. He knew that he'd ruin his vessel, but he'd heal. It was the momentary pain that he wanted, the jut of broken bones through skin, the red in his eyes, blotting out the blue of Castiel's.

Before he realized it, he was above his apartment again. The wind seemed intent on blowing him there and he crossed his arms and looked down at the building. He could see the light of Sam's bedroom through his window and he knew that the kid must be talking to Castiel. He wondered if he was worried about him. The thought of Sam wringing his little hands over him made Dean want to touchdown and go tell the kid he was fine, but he didn't. Instead he sunk toward the ground, landing lightly next to the Impala. He let his wings and tail vanish, but kept his nails and teeth, chewing on his bottom lip as he opened the door to baby and sipped in.

He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel, careful not to scratch the leather. He was still too angry to fully go back to human form, but he'd be even angrier if he marked up his baby. He slouched down in the seat, and looked at the rain splattering against the windshield. He'd dried his clothes before getting in the car, but they were itchy now from the rain.

Dean turned the radio on so he could focus on something else. "I'm a Loser" by The Beatles blasted through the car and Dean nearly punched through the dash. Fucking song choice. He switched the station only to have Bonnie Tyler's "Total Eclipse of the Heart" reverberate through his skull and now he was pissed. He turned the radio off with a wave of his hand and then fled from the car before he started tearing up the seats.

He launched into the sky again, but didn't get much further than the roof of his apartment. He drifted down to sit on the edge of the building, looking out at the quiet street. The rain had abated a bit and he turned his face upwards to watch the lightning flash among the clouds. It was almost surreal and it calmed him a bit. The rumble of thunder didn't stop him from hearing the click of the latch of the window that was in Sam's room.

He parted his legs to look down at the window, which was directly beneath him. Dean quickly pulled his legs up and laid on his belly, his face barely peeking over the ledge that he was on so he couldn't be seen. Castiel's messy head of hair poked out of the open window and Dean retreated further into the shadows of the roof, dulling the red that burned in his irises.

Castiel looked down at the street and then contorted his body so that he was staring up into the soft rain that was falling. He put a hand over his eyes and Dean could see him desperately searching the heavens. Sam's head appeared next to his and Castiel quickly pushed him back inside, but not before Dean saw the tears that stained Sam's red cheeks. Castiel looked around one final time and then he ducked back outside and Dean was left with the soft sound of the window shutting.

He sat back on his haunches. At least they were worried about him, and he'd made Sam cry, which made him feel like a real fuckwad. He tapped his nails on his knee in thought, and then drew the logo of Blue Oyster Cult into the flesh, flinching slightly. The broken skin healed quickly and he cut into it again, making a long, deep line with his pointer finger. This time it took longer to heal and he thought while the skin stung as it slowly worked back together.

He knew he was being stupid about this. He should just go back to Sam and Cas and tell Sam he was fine. He didn't want to face Cas, but if he abandoned his charge he'd draw attention to himself and some demon would be sent to find him and then they'd probably find out about Cas and the whole thing would be screwed to hell more than it already was.

The rain began to pick back up again and Dean crossed his arms, slouching and bringing his wings over his head so that the rain slid off the leathery skin. It worked well for a makeshift umbrella and he let the rain drip off them as he picked at his nails, getting the skin, _his_ skin, out from underneath them. More lightning lit up the sky and Dean shivered as a cold wind picked up. He really should get out of the rain.

He stood up slowly and then jumped off the building, letting his wings carry him down like a parachute. His bare feet slapped on the concrete as he stepped into the shadowy back alley next to his apartment building. He leaned against the wall, under the shelter of an overhanging, and closed his eyes. A drop of rain slid from his hair and onto his lip. He licked it off, the salty taste clinging to his tongue and reminding him of the taste of Castiel on his tongue. It made him angry and he curled his fingers into his palm again, his nails cutting into the skin.

Dean knew he had to stop. He'd been sulking for nearly an hour now and there wasn't much more he could do, unless he wanted to completely shred his meat suit and start all over again, which was a bad idea. He took a deep breath, holding it for ten seconds like he'd been told to do as a kid when he got angry, and then letting it out with a whoosh. He let his wings vanish, folding up on themselves until they were a haze and then vanished completely. His nails returned to normal as did his tongue while his tail vanished.

Being back in human form he suddenly realized how cold it was. There was no more mojo flowing in his veins and yeah it was fucking freezing. He shivered violently and then he realized that he should get out of the cold soon so that he didn't catch a cold when he was stuck entirely human around Sam. He padded out into the rain again and then up the stairs, knocking guilty on the door to his apartment.

It opened quickly to reveal a very relieved looking Cas. Dean gave him a glare, but it quickly changed to surprise when Cas surged forward and grabbed him in a bone crushing hug. What surprised Dean even more was the fact that Cas's lips were on his neck, brushing he area beneath his right ear as Cas said, "I'm sorry, Dean."

Dean lifted his arms from where they were hanging limply at his sides and gripped Cas tightly. He noticed that they were both shaking and he said in a tone that he hoped was lighthearted, "I thought I was the one who just spent the night freezing my ass off. Don't tell me you've got the shivers too?"

Castiel pulled back and Dean saw that his eyes were red, presumably from crying. Cas sniffed loudly and then balled his hand up into a fist, hitting Dean hard in the shoulder. Dean didn't recoil. He groaned as the dull pain went through his arm and he muttered, "Don't tell me I deserved that."

Castiel just grabbed Dean by the hand and pulled him inside, shutting the door before fretting over him . Dean let him look him over, noticing the way Cas's eyebrows lowered at the white lines on Dean's calves where the newly healed skin was. Castiel's touches were unusually tender as he brushed his fingers down Dean's arms. He turned the palm of Dean's hand over and then dropped it to point in the direction of Sam's room.

"Go tell Sam you're okay," Cas commanded.

"Okay okay," Dean whined, slinking in the direction of Sam's room, trying not to drip on the floor.

The door opened with a soft creak and Dean went inside. He was almost bowled over by Sam who grabbed his legs and screamed out, "Dean!"

"Hey kiddo," Dean said, hoping to hell that he sounded happy and not broken like he felt.

He bent down and hugged Sam tightly. Sam snuffled against his shoulder and then pulled away so he could say, "Why'd you leave?"

"Cas and I had a little fight," Dean explained, not sure how much Cas had told Sam.

Sam's eyebrows knitted together and he said, "But you were sick and Cas was gonna make you better."

Dean tensed and then said, "I'm afraid Cas can't make me better."

"Why not?"

Dean chuckled sadly. "It's complicated."

Sam looked disappointed for a moment, but then he hugged Dean around the neck tightly, saying, "Don't leave again. Cas was scared."

"Were you scared?" Dean asked, rocking back and forth a bit with Sam.

Sam nodded. "I thought you were going to get hurt."

Dean moved so that he could look at Sam. "I'm okay though. See?"

He smiled and Sam grinned back. Sam went in for one final hug and then he let Dean tuck him in again. Dean brushed his fingers through Sam's hair until the kid fell asleep and then he crept quietly out of the room. Castiel was waiting for him, seating on the edge of the couch, just staring at the blank television screen. He looked up when Dean came to stand beside him and his expression was as blank at the tv.

"Sam's asleep," Dean said softly, twisting his wet shirt in his fingers.

Castiel's eyes slipped down to the movement and he stood up quickly saying, "We need to get you out of those clothes."

Dean didn't even bother to make an innuendo as he let Castiel lead him into his room and pull the damp t-shirt over his head. He accepted a pair of fresh boxers and pants from Cas, who then jogged out of the room so Dean could change. The dry clothes felt great against his skin and Dean didn't bother telling Cas he could come back in. He just went over to his bed and snuggled under the sheets, even going as far as pulling them over his head like he used to as a kid when he believed that a blanket could save him from the monster under the bed.


	10. Laws Shmaws

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam nodded numbly, his eyes fixed on the red liquid seeping through the dishtowel. Dean needed to clean Cas up fast or he'd have a seriously messed up kid on his hands. Castiel was mumbling incoherent things and Dean told him to shut up while he pulled his arm toward the faucet and ran the water over his hand. Cas hissed loudly and Dean shushed him as he assessed the damage. It was just one cut, deep and clean through the center of Castiel's palm, ending past the heel of his hand, but it was sliced through that one spot on the wrist that Dean knew meant get help or bleed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I managed to upload near the usual schedule this time. Hope you guys enjoy it!

The room was silent for several minutes and then the door creaked open. Castiel's soft footsteps echoed through the room way louder than they were meant to be due to the fact that Dean was on edge. He didn't expect Cas to slip in beside him, but he definitely didn't expect him to kneel down at the edge of the bed so that Dean was stuck staring at those baby blues which shone in the darkness.

Dean pulled the blankets up over his mouth so that Cas could only see his eyes as he mumbled, "Did you come to call me a fag or chew me out again?"

Castiel looked hurt and he said quietly, "I don't want to do either of those. I want to tell you again that I'm sorry. I've known for a while about the way you feel towards me and I must say that I was, as you would put it," he took a deep breath and whispered under his breath as though he might get in trouble for saying it, "a dick."

"You were a fucking dick," Dean retorted, making sure to put an emphasis on 'fucking'.

Castiel hung his head and Dean could see him taking deep breaths before he said to the floor, "I thought about what you said before you left."

"And it's still no cause it's a sin," Dean interrupted, "I get it. There's no need to beat the horse when it's already decomposed."

Castiel gave him a confused look and then said, "I understand free will, but I can't say that it's the same for me and my brethren." He sighed heavily. "Most of the time I feel as though freedom is just a length of rope that God wants you to hang yourself by."

Dean pulled the sheet down, cocking an eyebrow at Castiel. "Is that honesty I hear?"

Castiel cracked a small smile and looked sadly at Dean. His gaze slipped to Dean's forehead and he reached a hand up to brush the hair back from where it had become plastered to his skin from the rain. His fingers lingered on Dean's forehead and then they slipped down so that Cas was caressing Dean's jaw in the lightest of touches, like someone was running a feather across Dean's skin. Dean shivered from the contact and Castiel pulled his arm back.

Dean caught his hand before Castiel could let it fall to his side. He brought it close and kissed each of Castiel's knuckles and then his palm, lips lingering before he whispered, "Cas I'm not gonna keep trying. So you gotta tell me right now. You have to tell me for sure that it's never gonna happen so that I can stop pining and move the fuck on."

Castiel's eyebrows pinched together and his fingers tensed in Dean's grip. His eyes were shining in the dark and Dean could hear his voice crack as he stuttered, "I can't."

"Okay then," Dean croaked out. He let go of Castiel's hand and Cas opened his mouth, but Dean shook his head. "It's done, Cas. I get it. Your orders come first for you and I admire your loyalty or whatever it is. So it's cool."

"Dean I..." Cas started.

Dean stopped him by growling. "No. Don't say anything else. Just get out."

He closed his eyes and ignored the wounded sound Cas made as he turned over, so that he wouldn't have to look at the other angel anymore. There was a moment when Dean thought Cas might climb into the bed and tell him that he didn't care about orders or that it was a sin, but then the room was empty and the sound of the door clicking shut brought a sense of finality that Dean hadn't had in a long time.

Dean didn't even stop the tears that soaked his pillow through the night. He'd had a broken heart before, but this, this was something much worse. This was his best friend walking out the door. This was the man, _angel_ , that he wanted to spend the rest of his eternity with who had just told him that it was never going to happen the way he wanted. Dean didn't like feeling like this over the fact that his attraction wasn't returned, but he couldn't stop the hollow feeling that had made itself at home in his chest.

Dean was woken by Sam the next morning, who threw open his door with a bang. He jumped onto the bed, making it shake as he crawled his way up to where he could shake Dean's shoulder and say rapidly, "Dean! Dean something's wrong with Cas!"

Dean was out of bed so quickly that he actually knocked Sam off him in his haste to get out of the bedroom. He found Cas in the kitchen, staring down at his hand, which was covered in dark blood. When Dean yelled his name, Castiel looked up with unfocused eyes and Dean noticed the bottle of Vodka next to the angel, dry as Death Valley on a hot day.

"What the fuck were you thinking, Cas?' Dean yelled, grabbing Castiel's arm and holding his bloodied hand up.

Castiel made a sound like a cross between an alligator and a sick puppy and Dean grabbed a nearby towel, wetting it and soaking up some of the blood. Sam was looking on with wide eyes from the living room where he seemed to be rooted to the spot.

"It's okay, Sam," Dean told him, "Cas is gonna be fine."

Sam nodded numbly, his eyes fixed on the red liquid seeping through the dishtowel. Dean needed to clean Cas up fast or he'd have a seriously messed up kid on his hands. Castiel was mumbling incoherent things and Dean told him to shut up while he pulled his arm toward the faucet and ran the water over his hand. Cas hissed loudly and Dean shushed him as he assessed the damage. It was just one cut, deep and clean through the center of Castiel's palm, ending past the heel of his hand, but it was sliced through that one spot on the wrist that Dean knew meant get help or bleed out.

Dean sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth. "What were you doing, Cas? Dammit."

Castiel laughed as Dean wrapped a towel around his hand and wrist. It was a horrible sound, and it scared Dean a bit. Castiel rasped out, "Don't wanna be an angel anymore."

Dean went still, his eyes darting over to Sam to see if he'd head, but Sam seemed to be in some sort of trance. Castiel started to say something else and Dean pressed a hand over his mouth. He needed to get Cas out of here. He suddenly remembered Charlie and he propped Castiel's arm up on the counter so he could run into his room and fish the paper out of his jeans.

He dialed her number as fast as he could and went to pick up Sam and set him on the couch while he waited in hope that she would pick up. His biggest fear right now was that Cas's grace would start seeping out of the cut. It was deep enough where a bit of angel mojo would heal it easily, but that meant a bit of bright light that would for sure make Sam start asking questions. He just needed to get Cas away from him so that Cas could heal and detox from his drinking.

Dean nearly dropped the phone when Charlie's chipper voice said, "Hello?"

"Oh thank God," Dean breathed, even though he was pretty sure that counted as a blasphemy for him. He tried not to speak to fast as he said, "This is Dean. We met at Target. You said that you could watch my brother Sam and I kinda need you to come over like pronto."

"Is everything okay?" Charlie asked, concern evident in her voice.

"Yeah, Cas just cut himself cooking and I'm gonna take him to get it fixed up, but I'd rather not have Sam come cause he's not feeling too good and I don't want him to get sicker."

"Oh," Charlie replied and Dean hoped that it sounded like a convincing story. There was a rustling noise and then Charlie asked, "Where do you live?"

Dean rattled off his address to her and there was a gasp followed by Charlie saying excitedly, "You guys are in the same building as me! I'll be right up."

She hung up and Dean stared at the phone for a few seconds because he had no idea how that had worked out so well. Cas made a strange noise from where he was slumped over on the counter and Dean looked over to see that he had paled a great deal. It wasn't going to be long before his mojo kicked started the healing process and then it was all downhill from there if Sam saw.

Dean went over to where Sam was sitting on the couch, still watching Cas with fear. He kneeled down, putting a hand on Sam's knee as he said, "Charlie's gonna come watch you while I take Cas to the hospital. He's gonna be fine, but I need you to be good for Charlie, okay buddy?"

Sam blinked, long and slow and then he looked at Dean and nodded, his bottom lip quivering slightly. Dean leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Sam's forehead, which was something he never would have thought of doing, but seemed appropriate in this situation. Sam stopped trembling a bit and Dean gave his shoulder a squeeze.

There was a loud knock at the door and Dean went to answer it. He opened it and a blur of red and blue darted in, which turned out to be Charlie in a blue jacket with a Lord of the Rings t-shirt underneath. She was breathing fast and it was obvious that she had run up there.

Upon seeing Cas hunched over in the kitchen, she said loudly to Dean, "Get your boy to a hospital. I've got Sam covered."

Dean nodded and then went to grab Cas and start moving him slowly toward the door. At a shout from Charlie he looked up to find her tossing a pair of his jeans at him. He had no idea how she knew where to get them, but he realized that he defiantly needed them seeing as he was still in his boxers. Thankfully Cas was dressed and Dean slung one of his arms over his shoulders as he helped Cas walk shakily out the door.

He shut the door on Charlie soothing Sam and then he practically dragged Cas down the stairs and back into the alley. Castiel was fading fast and Dean could feel his grace starting to work. It was an extra warmth on Castiel's skin and it made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. He just needed to get a little further away from civilization.

Using a bit of his own mojo he hoisted Cas into his arms bridal style. He stepped forward quickly, slamming into the brick wall in front of them and coming out in the middle of a country road that he used to drive down in between orders from down below. There was nobody on it this early in the morning, but Dean still carried Cas into the woods that lined it.

He deposited Cas next to a large oak, his back resting against it while Dean stripped the towel away. Sure enough, there was a faint light coming from the tips of Castiel's fingers. Dean stepped back as Castiel's eyes flew open, the pupils white hot as a gasp came from the angel. Dean knew that this was gonna be bad. The alcohol would have to be dispelled from Cas's system and he'd already lost a shit ton of blood, which meant that his mojo would hafta basically give his vessel a blood transfusion via grace.

Castiel gasped out again and slipped down from the tree to lie on the ground. His fingers curled into the grass and leaves and his body arched as the white light spread through it. The power of an angel never failed to amaze Dean, even though he was one.

Castiel's entire body was buzzing with grace now and Dean backed away as the final part of the healing process began. The light was too bright for any human's eyes, but Dean watched through the whole thing. Castiel's back contorted and he let out a long hiss as his vessel healed fully. The light subsided and Cas lay still on the grass, which had gone from green to a rainbow due to the fact that hundreds of tiny flowers had popped up around where Castiel's body lay.

When Castiel gasped in a sharp breath Dean went over to kneel by him, putting a hand on his shoulder. Castiel's eyes popped open and he sat up quickly, only to slump onto Dean with a groan. Dean patted his back. "How ya feelin', buddy?"

"Terrible," Castiel groaned.

Dean snorted. "Well that's what you get for being an idiot and trying to kill yourself, which you can't by the way genius."

Castiel groaned again and then said, "I meant it."

"Meant what?" Dean asked, shifting so that he and Cas were sitting face to face among the new flowers.

"That I didn't want to be an angel anymore," Castiel stated, playing with the petals of a white flower near his foot. He picked it and turned it over in his fingers as he continued, "I want to just be human and not have any of the responsibilities that I have in my status."

A small sliver of hope flared in Dean's chest and he asked, "Is there a particular reason as to this sudden revelation?"

Castiel blushed deeply and picked at the petals of the flower before saying so quietly that Dean almost didn't hear it, "You."

"Me?" he stuttered.

Castiel nodded and explained sadly, "If I were human I would most definitely consider copulating with you, Dean."

Dean gulped. "Uh." was all he managed to get out before Castiel started speaking again, rapidly as though if he held onto the words for too long they'd burn his tongue. "You're very attractive, Dean, in both the physical and spiritual sense. Your soul is unlike anything I've ever seen." He looked sheepishly at his hands. "It's beautiful."

Dean went a little red and then the full force of what Cas was saying hit him like a ton of bricks. Cas liked him in _that_ way. It wasn't just one sided and Dean might have gotten up to dance a jig. But there was still the problem of Cas's refusing to disobey any law in existence or even think a dirty thought. If he and Dean were to, _copulate_ , then that would be sinning and that was that.

Dean licked his lips. "So what you're saying is, that the only thing keeping us from being together is the fact that you're an angel."

Castiel nodded. "That and a union between us would be problematic for our opposing sides."

Dean scooted closer to Castiel. "I don't care about what my boys think. They say love conquers all so that's gotta be true for this as well, right?"

Dean instantly wanted to eat those words as soon as Castiel's eyes went wide. Dean backed off, muttering, "Not that I, ya know, er-"

Castiel cut him off with a finger to his lips. There was an odd look on his face as he said quietly, "It's fine. Although I don't believe whoever made that saying thought it would be applied to beings like us."

Dean pulled Castiel's hand away from his mouth and kissed the inside of Cas's wrist. He looked up at Cas as he said, "Who's to say that it couldn't be? I'm not into that whole romance shit, but I'm not gonna lie, I really do, er..."

He trailed off, suddenly nervous and Castiel smirked. Dean went a little wide eyed when Castiel scooted closer to him so that Dean could feel the angel's breath against his lips as he whispered, "I know."

Castiel closed the distance between them, but not in the way Dean wanted. He simply crawled into Dean's lap and melted against him. Castiel was steady weight on Dean's legs and Dean parted them so that they wouldn't fall asleep, which was a bad move cause now they were pressed crotch to groin and if he got a boner now it was going to be so fucking obvious.

He tried to distract himself by focusing on the feeling of Castiel's cheek against his shoulder and the way his hair tickled his chin. He cleared his throat and asked, "Did you just pull a Star Wars reference on me?"

"Maybe," Castiel replied, the vibration rumbling through Dean and making him shiver. He put his hands on Castiel's hips, commenting, "So I'm guessing cuddling isn't off limits?"

"Not if it's for warmth," Castiel replied, pressing even closer to Dean.

Dean smirked. "Cas it's like seventy degrees out."

Castiel nestled his nose under Dean's chin. "But it was cold last night during the storm, so the temperature could suddenly drop dramatically."

Dean laughed and rested his cheek on top of Castiel's head. It was almost surreal, having Cas in his arms, his face buried in his neck. He moved his hands from Castiel's hips to his face, cupping his cheeks and angling his face so that Dean could look at him as he asked, "What about kissing?"

Castiel shook his head and Dean's face fell. He had a thought and said, "What if we just kept it at base two? Temptation's not a sin, so you could just say that you were tempted, but didn't give in."

Castiel gave him a look, but Dean could see the gears in his head turning. Dean would have liked to up it to base three, but he doubted Cas would go through with that. He'd have to settle for a little groping and maybe some dry humping if he was lucky.

"I don't think that would be the best idea," Castiel said softly, his fingers tapping on Dean's knees, "Our vessels are both male and the things you are suggesting are solely physical. I cannot commit sins of the flesh."

"What about temptations of the flesh?" Dean butted in, "We wouldn't be fucking each other, just kissing and stuff." Castiel worried his bottom lip and Dean said in a whisper, "Cas I know that you don't want to do this, but-"

"I do," Castiel cut him off, shaking slightly. He pressed his cheek against Dean's hand, cupping it with his own. "I do want this. I want you in every way you're willing to give yourself to me, but I'm not allowed to have it."

Dean's mouth was slightly open and he shut it with an audible click at Cas's words. Cas wanted him in _every_ way. Jesus. He cleared his throat and said, "You're allowed to, Cas. I already told you I'm all for it. Just forget about the Jesus book. It's for humans and you've never been a human so it doesn't count for you. We're angels for fuck's sake. So what if we're in male vessels. Doesn't matter."

"It matters to me," Castiel hissed. "It matters because I... I..." his eyes went wide and Dean thought he looked like he might throw up as he said, "I don't want you in another vessel. I want you in this one."

Castiel's fingers traced over Dean's cheekbones reverently and Dean swallowed. This was way too much for him. He was barely stopping himself from leaning forward and kissing the hell out of Cas despite the fact that he knew it wouldn't go over too well.

The pad of Castiel's thumb brushed over Dean's bottom lip and Dean kissed it softly before saying, "Don't be the good little soldier for once, Cas. Please. If shit happens because of it I can vouch for you or whatever, but I don't want to do this anymore without you."

Castiel made a noise like a whine and for a second Dean thought he was going to pull away, but then Castiel's lips rammed into his. It was much different from the kiss earlier, this time it was needy and desperate. Cas was eating Dean alive and Dean let him, moaning into his mouth, encouraging him.

Castiel pulled back and looked at Dean. Dean was panting loudly and he could tell that his lips were swollen, spit slick, parted slightly. Castiel smiled and traced Dean's bottom lip with his pointer finger, breathily saying, "Beautiful, so beautiful."

"There's more where that came from if you want," Dean said with a wink, wiggling his hips against Castiel's.

Castiel's smile turned into something sadder and he shook his head. "Not yet." Dean's face fell, but Castiel kissed him again saying, "I want to. Believe me, Dean."

"Even if it's a sin?"

"Even if it's a sin," Castiel confirmed, a guilty smile on his lips.

"Well then what are we still dressed for?" Dean smirked, trailing his hands up Castiel's sides.

"I'm not having sex with you in the middle of a forest," Castiel said matter of factly, sliding off Dean's lap.

Dean made a face at him but his rebuttal was stopped by his phone going off. He picked up and Charlie's voice asked, "Is Cas okay?"

"Oh he's fine," Dean answered with a slight smirk in Castiel's direction.

There was a sigh of relief from the other end of the phone and then Charlie said, "Sam's asleep, so you guys just take your time or whatever."

"Sounds good," Dean told her, "And thanks again for watching Sammy."

"No problem! I'm just glad Cas is okay."

"Me too," Dean said softly before hanging up.

Castiel was looking up at the sky and Dean tapped him on the shoulder. "You wanna go back to the apartment?"

"Fine," Castiel said quickly before tensing up to transport them there.

Dean gripped his arm and Castiel gave him a confused look. Dean licked his lips and asked, "Can we, uh, can we go a different way?"

"What way?" Castiel asked, turning so that he was facing Dean.

Dean looked up at the clear sky and then back at Cas, holding the other angel's questioning gaze as he let his wings smoke into existence. He stretched them wide and Castiel crossed his arms, saying, "You want to fly there?"

Dean nodded sheepishly. He didn't know why he wanted to do this, he just did. He wanted to soar high above humanity with Castiel by his side. He toed at the ground, not meeting Castiel's gaze as he said, "I just want to do something for a bit and flying is fun, ya know?"

He glanced up at Castiel who was looking at Dean's wings. Dean fidgeted uncomfortably, his wings curling and vibrating a bit, but then they fanned out in interest when Castiel's wings appeared, black and huge, spreading wide in a display that made Dean smile. Castiel returned the grin and stepped forward so he could kiss Dean on the nose before launching upward into the sky.


	11. Bout Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel pressed their clothed erections together and Dean made a sound like a wounded animal. This was going way too fast, something was going to happen, someone was going to tell them to stop, but no one did and Castiel's fingers were skirting over the skin of his stomach as he pulled Dean's shirt up and over his head. Dean hissed when Castiel's palms pressed against his chest, warm and wonderful and fuck he wasn't even going to make it to getting fully undressed if Castiel kept doing that with his tongue, he was going to come in his pants like a teenager.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty boys and girls. Here's the part that you've all been waiting for. Hope you enjoy it!

Dean stood there for a moment, but then he followed Castiel eagerly. The other angel was hovering over the treetops, flapping lazily. He fanned his feathers wider when Dean joined him. Dean's wings were shaking slightly as he went to hover next to Castiel. He was still having a hard time understanding how this had happened, how he had been kissing Castiel a few moments ago, right after Castiel had told him that Dean wasn't crazy for thinking there was something between them.

Castiel was lazily flapping back and forth in front of Dean, his t-shirt blown up slightly by the wind. Dean moved so that he was close to Castiel, and he hesitantly reached out to cup Castiel's face in his hands, letting his mind put his flapping on autopilot as he leaned forward to capture Castiel's lips in a soft, tender kiss.

He could feel the small sigh that Castiel let out and then he was pressing closer to Dean, fingers gripping the material of Dean's shirt, while their bodies slotted together. Kissing while hovering miles above the earth was something Dean had never thought of doing, but it was quite interesting. It was almost as though he were completely weightless. There was nothing under his feet and an airy sensation filled him as Castiel's lips moved against his, plush and perfect.

Castiel's hands moved up to Dean's neck, carding through the short hairs there before Castiel pulled away and looked at Dean with what could only be described as amazement. Dean cocked an eyebrow at him and Castiel breathed, "I don't understand."

"Understand what?" Dean asked, flapping his wings a few times.

Castiel smoothed his hands over Dean's shoulders as he explained, "I don't understand how this can feel so right even when it's wrong."

Dean pressed their foreheads together. "Cas, just forget about it being against your rules. Do something for yourself for once. Be a rebel."

Castiel gave him a look and then he was gone from Dean's arms, soaring higher until he was silhouetted against the sun. Dean flapped after him, finally catching up right as Castiel went into a fast dive. Dean did the same and soon they were barreling toward the earth the wind whipping past. Dean turned so that he could face Castiel and he wasn't prepared for the loving smile that Castiel had on his face. Dean was caught even more off guard when Castiel gave him a quick kiss before pulling out of the dive. Dean nearly forgot to pull up himself and he had to take a few deep breathes before following Castiel, who was making his way in the direction of Dean's apartment.

Dean watched Castiel out of the corner of his eye as they flew. Castiel's wings gathered the air much differently that Dean's wings. He guessed it must be due to the feathers as opposed to the leathery hide of his own wings. The was something innately ethereal about the way Castiel flew, slipping through the clouds effortlessly. Dean had always wondered how Heaven angels could do that, make everything look so easy. He sometimes had to work hard to get the right amount of lift or traction in the air. Castiel made flying look second nature.

Slowly Dean drifted closer to him until he could reach out and grab Castiel's hand. Castiel intertwined their fingers immediately and Dean could see the small smile on Castiel's lips. He bumped his shoulder against Cas's and Castiel side eyed him before turning slightly so that he could grab Dean's other hand.

He twisted until he was flying under Dean, facing him. Dean smiled down at him and then pulled him forward so he could kiss him for a bit. Castiel pulled back so that he could concentrate on flying upside down. The whole thing seemed oddly familiar and Dean realized he'd seen something similar to this on Animal Planet a couple of nights ago. Something that eagles did, a sort of courtship dance which involved them clasping talons and spinning through the sky.

It gave Dean an idea and he gripped Castiel's hands tighter before moving them into a downward spiral. Castiel's eyes went wide for a moment, but he seemed to get the idea when Dean pulled him a little closer and then they were both working up a rhythm, falling in a pattern that involved elaborate twirls and spins. They pulled away from each other just before they hit the pavement of an empty highway and they both soared upward again, Castiel chasing Dean and actually tackling him midair, winding his arms around Dean's neck and his legs around Dean's waist. Dean gripped him tightly, eyes locked with the blue that rivaled the clear sky.

Castiel was breathing fast and Dean's eyes slipped down to his open mouth. "Cas?" he questioned as Castiel's eyes fluttered a bit.

Castiel blinked and then he slowly put a hand forward, placing his palm over Dean's heart. A heat spread through Dean's body and he slipped down a few feet in the air before his wings started working again. Castiel was touching him in the most intimate way, he was pressing right into the thing that Dean had been told was his soul.

Dean had never believed in souls or things like that, but he knew now that he had one, all demons did at one point or another. Eventually the souls became so charred and broken that they pretty much ceased to exist. Dean wasn't near that stage of demon hood or whatever. He could feel Castiel's grace caressing his soul and it burned with a heat he'd never encountered. It was so much that he forgot to keep flapping again and they began to fall.

That warmth suddenly vanished and he whined. He wanted it back, but there was someone holding him now, supporting him as they climbed higher through the air again. He opened his eyes to find Castiel staring at him with a mix of confusion and awe on his face.

"Dean?" he whispered as they reached their previous altitude.

Dean groaned. Castiel's voice was too loud in his head and he wanted to just sink back into that heat again. He curled closer to Castiel, trying to lift his feet and find something to put them on. He didn't want to be in the air anymore, he wanted to be in that heat, let it surround him, consume him until he knew nothing but that white hot fire.

Castiel voice cut through him, loud and clear as he yelled his name. Dean snapped at him, "What?"

"Dean, do you need to land?" Castiel asked, already sinking lower.

Dean shook his head. "No I wanna stay up."

He put his hands on his temples, pressing as he tried to clear his mind from the haze that had settled on it after the whole soul thing. He pulled away from Castiel, hovering a few inches from him. Castiel reached out and brushed his fingers down Dean's arm and Dean flinched.

"I'm sorry," Castiel said suddenly.

"For what?" Dean asked, blinking at Cas.

Castiel twisted his fingers in the hem of his shirt as he replied, "I didn't expect you to be so affected by me touching your soul."

Dean snorted. "Dude, you have any idea how weird that sounds? And what was that anyway? I didn't even know you could do that with your grace."

"You have a soul, Dean, a _human_ soul," Castiel explained, "I am graced with no such thing and my grace wants to react to it."

"Wait," Dean interrupted, "You don't have a soul?"

"Not in the same sense you do," Castiel replied, "Since I was created separate from humanity, my grace is all I have, although there have been cases when grace has become something more."

"Something more?"

"It..." Castiel paused, searching for the right words before he said, "It's not necessarily the grace evolving, but taking on a new aspect. I'm not sure how it works, but it's not common." He said in a much quieter tone, "It usually happens when an angel falls from grace. They acquire something like a soul, but it's broken, damaged."

Castiel went quiet and Dean asked, "Could that happen to you? I mean is us being together gonna make you fall?"

"I'm not sure," Castiel answered, his wings twitching nervously, "I suppose it's possible."

They were both quiet for some time as Dean tried to take in this new information. He always forgot how complicated things were in the spiritual world. It was so much more beyond the physical and he sometimes hated it. He vaguely recalled hearing once that love had something to do with the ability to have a soul, but that was so cliché he wasn't going to mention it to Cas.

He didn't want Cas to fall, but he wasn't sure how he felt about the idea of Castiel having no soul. It seemed too odd. Castiel had always had so much heart that Dean was convinced he must have a soul. No angel Dean had ever met compared to Castiel. Castiel was different and maybe this was why, maybe Castiel had that something more, although Dean had no idea what that meant. If Castiel said he didn't have a soul then whatever, Dean liked Castiel the way he was, soul or not.

"Dean are you okay?"

Castiel's voice broke his thoughts and Dean nodded quickly. "I'm fine. It's just a lot to take in that's all. But how did you even do that thing? How did you touch my soul or whatever? You've never done that before."

Castiel wrung his hands as he replied, "Touching someone's soul is the most intimate of actions and we've never been this way before. In truth I probably shouldn't have done it. It affected both of us more than I though."

"You don't look too shaken up by it," Dean said.

Castiel lowered his eyebrows, but then reached a hand out, pressing it over Dean's heart again. Dean could feel that heat again, but this time it was different, it was broader, spread out over eons and centuries, white hot and he knew it must be what Cas was feeling. Castiel's grace was thrumming through his veins much like that heat which was rushing through Dean's body. He could feel himself starting to get lost in it again and he pulled away from Castiel.

Castel sucked in a breath as his palm left Dean's chest. He opened his eyes and looked at Dean when Dean asked, "What does that mean? You said that your grace reacted with my soul. What the hell does that mean?"

"I honestly don't know what it means," Castiel replied, looking down at the trees below him, "My grace has never acted this way before."

"Dammit," Dean breathed, "This is so messed up."

"I think," Castiel said slowly, his eyes drifting up to Dean's face, "I think that we should probably look further into this once we get back to your apartment."

"Yeah sure," Dean said quickly, he was actually rather eager to go back there and get Castiel alone in his bedroom. That heat was just too weird and he wanted more of it, just not when he was miles above the earth.

"You wanna..." he jerked his thumb west to where his apartment was and Castiel nodded.

They flapped off, going a bit faster than they were before, Dean ahead of Castiel by a few feet. When they landed it was a good deal away from the building. They both let their wings fade and then started the long walk to the apartment, still playing it safe for Sam by burrowing any mojo they had running through them until they could feel the weight of pretending to be a human again.

Charlie met them at the door, immediately checking Cas over. Dean nearly slapped himself in the face when he remembered that he and Castiel were supposed to be coming back from the ER. He grabbed Castiel's "hurt" hand before Charlie could although he didn't know what he was going to say to her when she saw that it was perfectly fine.

Dean started to concoct a story, but he stopped when he saw that Castiel's palm had some rather impressive stitches in it. HIs eyebrows shot up and Castiel gave him a look as Charlie mumbled something about how good the stitches were. She then went to grab he purse off the kitchen counter and Dean turned to Castiel with a "how the fuck" expression. Castiel just grinned at him and turned to thank Charlie when she came back.

She waved her hand passively, "It's cool! Just make sure you show Sam that you're all patched up." She grinned at them. "And we should totally hang out sometime. I mean we're in the same building. What are the chances of that? Like one in a million probably."

"Star Wars marathon?" Dean interrupted before Charlie could suck in another breath.

Her eyes lit up. "Totally! Just gimmie a call! Like seriously!"

"Will do," Dean laughed, trying not to make it too obvious that he wanted her to leave as he held the door open.

She seemed to get the hint though as she skipped to the door. She gave Dean a wink. "I'll give you some time to play doctor. But seriously, call me."

"I will, I will," Dean told her, trying to ignore the fact that he could feel Cas's eyes on his back. "Bye Charlie."

"Toodles!" Charlie cried before running down the stairs.

Castiel was on him the moment Dean shut the door, pressing him against it, his lips on Dean's. Dean fisted his hands into Castiel's shirt as Cas coaxed his tongue out, sucking on it briefly before moving his lips down to Dean's neck, mouthing at his pulse point. Dean gasped and tried not to let his hips buck violently into Castiel's.

"Cas... Cas," Dean moaned, pushing at Castiel's shoulders slightly.

Castiel pulled back with a pissed look and demanded, "What?"

"You sure you ready for this?" Dean asked, trying not to let his eyes linger on Castiel's swollen lips.

"Yes," Castiel breathed, pressing against Dean again, "Please Dean yes."

Dean answered by surging forward and sealing their lips together again. He somehow managed to steer them to his bedroom and shut the door as softly as he could so as not to wake Sam. The loud noise he made when Castiel ground their hips together might have woken him though.

"Jesus, Cas," Dean hissed.

"Don't. Blaspheme. Dean." Castiel growled, punctuating each word with a hard nip to a different part of Dean's neck.

Dean was nearly going out of his mind now. He had no idea why this hadn't happened sooner, or how Cas could be this dominant and amazing. He was practically pushing Dean back onto the bed, before straddling his hips and grinding down with enough force that Dean saw stars.

He could feel Castiel's erection through his sweatpants and Dean gasped out when Castiel ground down on him once more. His hands scrabbled at the drawstring of the pants and then they were gone and Castiel's quick fingers were undoing the button on Dean's jeans before yanking them off and tossing them over his shoulders, along with his shirt.

Castiel pressed their clothed erections together and Dean made a sound like a wounded animal. This was going way too fast, something was going to happen, someone was going to tell them to stop, but no one did and Castiel's fingers were skirting over the skin of his stomach as he pulled Dean's shirt up and over his head. Dean hissed when Castiel's palms pressed against his chest, warm and wonderful and fuck he wasn't even going to make it to getting fully undressed if Castiel kept doing that with his tongue, he was going to come in his pants like a teenager.

Castiel seemed to have other ideas though. He pulled away from Dean's right nipple with a loud pop, taking a minute to inspect his work and drag a finger over the abused flesh, making Dean squirm under him. He stopped Dean from moaning with a hand to his mouth, thrusting two fingers onto Dean's tongue and commanding, "Suck."

Dean obeyed eagerly, turning his tongue around Castiel's fingers and reveling in the noises that Castiel was making, needy little moans and hisses as his hips jerked against Dean's. Dean could see Castiel straining against his boxers and he locked eyes with him, holding his gaze as he slowly moved his hands to the elastic waistband. He slipped his thumbs under it while pushing his tongue around Castiel's fingers and making a slick sound.

Castiel's eyes went wide as Dean started tugging the boxers down, being extra careful to ease them over Castiel's erect cock. Dean almost laughed when it slapped up against Castiel's stomach the moment the boxers were off. Castiel looked down at it with annoyance and Dean didn't even warn Cas before cradling his balls.

Castiel made a loud noise and his fingers hooked on the bottom of Dean's jaw, yanking Dean's face down hard. It didn't really hurt as much as it was jarring, but Dean was too busy feeling the weight of Castiel in his palm to care. His eyes were fixed on the way that Castiel's dick bowed up against his stomach, well on Castiel's dick specifically.

It was perfect in his opinion, and he didn't say that about much. Dean wanted to move so that he could lick his way up the flushed skin and suck the precome off so he could see what Castiel tasted like. Castiel reminded him that his fingers were still hooked on Dean's jaw by pressing his thumb into the underside of Dean's jaw and angling his face up so that Castiel could look at him.

Castiel's eyes were hooded, but Dean could see that his pupils were blown wide, obscuring his irises so that they were just a thin line of blue around the black. The sight made Dean's cock strain even more against his boxers and he just wanted them off. He wanted to feel Castiel against him, inside him, filling him and making him whole, better than any fantasy he could have come up with.

Castiel seemed to read his mind as he pulled his fingers out of Dean's mouth so that he could rid Dean of his boxers. They were both gloriously naked now and Dean keened into the soft touches of Castiel's fingers as he swiped them over Dean's hips. Dean's cock was so hard it was painful and he just wanted Cas inside him like yesterday.

"Cas please," he whined, canting his hips upward as Castiel's palms cupped his ass.

Castiel growled and bent down to kiss Dean firmly. Dean's hand jerked, yanking Cas's balls slightly and drawing a long gasp from the angel, who then grabbed Dean's wrist and positioned Dean's hand where he wanted it so that Dean was gripping Castiel's dick. Castiel let out a long groan when Dean jacked his hand over Castiel's cock a few times, testing how Castiel's liked it and trying not to come himself because fucking hell Castiel was perfect in every way and Dean wasn't going to last much longer.

Castiel's long fingers were suddenly on Dean's cock and Dean threw his head back against the mattress with a loud moan. This was too fast and he gasped, "Cas stop... want... want you inside me."

Castiel's fingers stilled and he looked down at Dean with a mix of terror and pure hunger. Dean tried to drive his point in by jerking his hips up so that Castiel's slack fingers brushed against his hole. That tiny sensation sent chills down Dean's spine and he wanted, _needed_ , more.

"Cas please," he whined, his hips circling slightly as his body buzzed with that raw need.

Castiel hadn't moved, but his fingers were poised over Dean's entrance, dry though and Dean knew if he tried to press in it was gonna hurt like a bitch. He braced his feet on the bed and craned his neck so that he could reach into a nearby drawer and pull out the lube. He thrust it at Cas, trying not to throw it at his face in an attempt to get him to just work him open already.

Castiel just stared at the tube and then his eyes moved slowly to where Dean was trembling beneath him. His parted his lips and a small noise worked its way from the back of his throat before he said breathily, "Dean, Dean I don't know if I can do this."

Dean groaned and tried not to yell. "Cas please I need you _now_."

Castiel's eyes were frantic now. "Dean I can't. I can't do this... I..."

Dean opened his eyes to see that Castiel was practically hyperventilating. Shit. He put his hands on Castiel's shoulders, shaking him as he said, "Cas! Hey! Stay with me buddy."

Castiel took a deep breath, bracing his arms on either side of Dean's head as he croaked out, "I'm not ready for this. Dean I..."

"It's fine," Dean told him, bringing his arms up so that he could wrap them around Cas's neck. He pressed a soft kiss to the bottom of Cas's jaw. "We can take it as slow as you want."

Castiel nodded and then moved so he could kiss Dean. It was slow at first and then Castiel's teeth were clipping on Dean's bottom lip and they were grinding against each other, creating a steady rhythm, matching each other's movements. Dean groaned into each kiss, his fingers tangled in Castiel's hair while his hips snapped against the other angel's. Castiel was panting now and his movements were becoming erratic. Dean could tell he was close and he reached a hand down to stroke Castiel slowly.

Castiel's mouth fell open against Dean's and then his head was thrown back as he fucked himself into the tightness of Dean's fist. Dean leaned forward so he could mouth at the sinews of Castiel's long neck, drawing his tongue over his thumping pulse before mouthing his way down to one of Castiel's hard nipples. He matched the sucking of his mouth with the movement of his hand, drawing a myriad of noises from Castiel.

When Dean moved his other hand down to play with Castiel's balls, Castiel groaned loudly and then he was moving so that he was the one with his back to the damp sheets and Dean was above him. Dean took the opportunity to put his mouth to other use, nosing at the inside of Castiel's right thigh first and breathing in the musky scent of the other angel's arousal before kissing his way up the shaft of Castiel's cock.

Castiel hissed and then his hands were in Dean's hair, nails digging into the scalp. Dean took the hint and placed his mouth over the red head of Castiel's cock. He didn't take him in all the way though, just enough to make Castiel cry out his name in a plea. Dean pulled his mouth off so that he could lick up the cum already seeping out and fuck did Castiel taste good.

Castiel yanked Dean's hair and Dean dragged his tongue over the slit of Castiel's dick once before deep throating him in a single movement. Castiel's gargled moan was like music to Dean's ears and he pulled off so that he could suck the head of Castiel's dick for a few moments before taking him in all the way again.

Dean was good at sucking cock, fucking good, but Cas was big. It took him a little bit of focusing on breathing and relaxing the muscles of his throat before he could start up that rhythm with his mouth that he knew would get his partner off. Castiel was bucking into Dean's mouth now, tiny movements, and Dean knew he was trying to hold back so as not to choke, but he wanted to choke on Cas's dick, he wanted that beautiful cock in his mouth and in his ass, driving into him.

He swallowed around the head of Castiel's cock, moving his throat just so to let Castiel know he could do this, that he's used to this sort of thing. Castiel's jerks were still restrained, but when Dean started properly sucking him, hollowing out his cheeks and really taking it, that's when Castiel fucked himself down Dean's throat with a guttural growl that jolted right down to Dean's own forgotten erection.

Dean flicked his eyes up to watch the expressions on Castiel's face and was surprised when Castiel's eyes snapped open and Dean was left looking at the fire that burned in the blue. It was then that Castiel came and Dean had to remember to gulp down the hot spurts of come shooting into the back of his throat as Castiel shouted his name. Dean slipped his mouth off Castiel's dick once it went limp, ignoring the dull pain in his jaw that came from a particularly good blowjob, choosing instead to kiss Castiel and let Cas taste himself on Dean's tongue, which, in Dean's opinion, was the best taste in the entire world.

Castiel licked into Dean's mouth greedily for a few minutes before pulling away to move his mouth to Dean's neck, sucking an impressive hickey into the junction of Dean's neck and shoulder. Dean made an appreciative noise and his hand inched down to his dick, which had been demanding attention for some time. Castiel beat him to it though, wrapping his long fingers around the base and then sliding them up, gathering the precum on the tips of those sinful fingers and then putting them into his mouth.

Dean's own mouth dropped open when Castiel began sucking his fingers clean, his eyes fluttering. Dean's cock was throbbing and he needed to come like now. Castiel pulled the fingers out with a wet pop, gave Dean an evil grin that should not grace the face of a Heaven angel, and then he was putting those slick fingers all over Dean's dick, sliding and squeezing and Dean was gasping like a dying fish.

He moaned, "Cas, oh shit, you gotta... you gotta."

Castiel jerked his wrist sharply and Dean forgot how to speak. All that was coming out of him were strangled noises and then Castiel's other hand was cradling his balls and it was all over. He came hard and fast, Castiel's name a cry on his lips, his whole body tight. When his head stopped buzzing he realized that Castiel was kissing him again and he tried his best to respond even though his post orgasm high was making everything feel unreal.

Castiel's gravelly voice cut into the haze, "Dean?"

"What?" Dean asked, his own voice scratchy and spent.

He just wanted to go to sleep for like five years. That had been the best orgasm he'd had in a while and it had just been a handjob, which made him eager for what it would feel like to actually have Castiel inside him. The thought made his dick twitch in interest again and he rolled so that he could press himself up along the firm line of Castiel's body. They were lying side by side on the sheets now, and Dean could feel the cum drying on his stomach, but he was too spent to do anything about it.

Castiel did however, getting up and ignoring the annoyed sound from Dean as he went to grab a wet washcloth from the bathroom. He made quick work of cleaning the jizz off Dean's stomach, but he stopped when he reached Dean's cock, choosing instead to use his mouth. Dean's eyes snapped open again and Cas's name came as a warning.

Castiel didn't stop however, his tongue licking over the cum on Dean's cock and balls. He sucked Dean's balls into his mouth and Dean flinched violently, his cock springing to attention again at the careful administrations of Castiel's mouth. A very small part of him wondered where Castiel had learned to suck cock so fucking well, but the rest of him really didn't care as Castiel's throat clenched around him.

"Fuck, Cas," Dean growled, fisting his hands into the sheets and moving his hips up.

Castiel's fingers came to tease at Dean's balls, cradling them and yanking slightly before his mouth joined them. Dean inhaled sharply and tried to keep his mind clear to focus on the sensations of the wet heat of Castiel's mouth, but he was quickly climbing to climax. It only took one twist to his right nipple and then he was cumming in Castiel's throat, which tightened around him as Castiel swallowed it down.

Dean wheezed out Castiel's name and then he felt Castiel's lips on the insides of his thighs, trailing up the fine hair on his groin and further up his stomach and chest until they met Dean's open mouth. Dean could taste the tang of his own semen on Castiel's tongue and he pressed their bodies together, winding his legs around Castiel's waist and pulling him flush against him.

Castiel hmmed happily, the vibration traveling through Dean's skin where Castiel's lips were pressed against his shoulder. Dean chewed his lip for a few minutes, just enjoying the warmth of Castiel's body over his before he asked, "Cas? Was this... was this okay?"


	12. Worth It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean didn't know Castiel would be this cuddly, but he wasn't complaining. It was still hard for him to believe that he and Cas had fucked, that they were together now. He could kiss Cas whenever he wanted and Cas had been interested in more sex later, which was something Dean was all for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter! And it's closer to the original date that I had set for uploading. Little bit more of plot stuff in this chapter. And Dean and Cas being adorable idiots.

Castiel didn't reply right away, but then he nodded slowly, the movement so tiny that Dean almost didn't catch it at first. He waited a few more minutes before saying, "Can we, um, can we do this again?"

He could feel the air from Castiel's little snort of laughter before he said, "I would like to."

"So you're good with the fact that you just had sex with a dude?"

Dean could feel the heat of Castiel's blush and he rubbed his hands down Castiel's sweaty back, peppering his collarbone with kisses before saying, "Was it worth sinning for?"

There was another wave of heat from Castiel's cheeks and then Castiel said quietly, "Yes."

Dean laughed, a real laugh, and hell had it been a long time since he'd felt this good. Castiel hid his smile in Dean's shoulder and Dean put his fingers under Cas's chin so that he could tip his head up and kiss him for a few minutes, just getting lost in the feel of Castiel's tongue against his and the softness of Castiel's flesh as he palmed Castiel's ass with his hands.

Castiel pulled away to look down at Dean. He folded his arms over Dean's chest and then kissed the tip of Dean's nose lovingly. Dean grinned like a lovesick teenager and then let Castiel press kisses on each of Dean's cheeks, under his eyes and then on each of his lips before he nestled his head under Dean's chin, rolling off Dean slightly so that he was lying more on his side and not over Dean.

They lay there in silence, the only sound their breathing. Castiel was absently carding his fingers through the hair on Dean's chest, his cheek against Dean's shoulder, one leg nestled between Dean's thighs. Dean kept pressing kisses to Castiel's hair, his forehead and, when he brought Castiel's hand up to his mouth, each of Castiel's fingers and knuckles.

Dean was just starting to drift off when the sound of his door creaking open made him jerk. He quickly pulled the sheets over their bodies, muttering curses to himself. Castiel was blinking sleepily up at him in confusion, and they both turned to look at the small figure padding his way over to the bed.

Sam's hair was sticking up all over the place and he was clutching one of the plush toys they had bought at Target. His eyes were red and he stood by the edge of the bed, as though he were asking permission to speak.

Dean and Castiel were still very much intertwined and Dean didn't know what exactly he was supposed to say to Sam. It wasn't like the kid would call them out for fucking, but Sam's eyebrows were lowered in that curious way that meant Dean should start talking now.

"Hey, Sammy," Dean said, his voice loud in the silence.

Castiel was watching Sam out of the corner of his eye, refusing to move, his arms still around Dean possessively. Sam's little face scrunched up in confusion and he tiptoed over to the edge of the bed and prodded Castiel in the shoulder. Castiel reluctantly turned to look at him and Dean had to stop his mind from wondering cause Cas had moved so that his ass was very much pressing into Dean's groin.

"Yes, Sam?" Castiel asked, his voice taking on that fatherly tone.

"Are you okay?" Sam asked in a whisper.

Both Dean and Castiel smiled at the same time and then Castiel showed Sam his palm, where the stitches had magically appeared again. Sam looked at them with concern and Cas told him, "They hold the skin together to make sure that it will heal."

"Are they going to be there forever?" Sam asked, reaching out a finger to brush the thread.

Castiel shook his head. "The doctors will take them out in a few weeks and I'll be all better."

Sam's face broke into a big smile and he went to give Castiel a hug, but couldn't get the right angle, so Castiel propped himself up on one elbow, reaching his arm out and pulling Sam toward him. Dean tried to hide the huge smile that came to his lips at the sight of Sam hugging Cas tightly, who was naked. It was just oddly funny to Dean and he bit his lip before he could laugh because it was obvious that Sam had been very traumatized by what had happened earlier.

When Sam finally unwound his arms from Castiel, he turned to Dean so that he could ask, "Am I supposed to go back to sleep?"

Dean's brow furrowed, but he saw the reason for the question when he looked over at the clock on the nightstand and realized it was the early afternoon. He'd much rather just cuddle in bed with Cas for the rest of the day, but he knew they should get up and do something with Sam. School would be starting soon and Dean didn't want the kid to go there without doing something summery beforehand.

He sat up, taking care to keep the sheet pulled over his and Cas's lower bits as he said to Sam, "Cas and I are gonna get dressed and then we can decide on something fun to do, okay?"

"Okay," Sam echoed. He skipped his way to the door, but stopped as something seemed to dawn on him. He turned and rocked back on his heels as he asked shyly, in a voice barely above a whisper, "Did you and Cas kiss while I was asleep?"

Dean laughed loudly and Castiel elbowed him in the ribs before saying, "Dean and I did kiss, Sam."

Sam's eyes went wide and then he clapped his hands happily. "So does this mean that you're happy now?" he asked.

"Yeah I'd say so," Dean replied, taking Castiel's hand under the sheet and squeezing it tightly.

"Do you love each other?" Sam questioned, expectant.

Dean licked his lips. He had no idea why Sam was so interested in this, other than the fact that the kid had been watching too many Disney movies lately, which all had "True Love's Kiss" in them or whatever. He looked over to see Castiel's reaction to the question, but Castiel was looking down at his lap, eyes fixed on the sheet draped over it.

"Why don't you go pick out a movie for us to watch," Dean told Sam, trying to avoid the question completely.

Sam's brow furrowed, but he left, shutting the door behind him. Dean could hear him run into his room and then out into the hallway again after presumably changing. Castiel's fingers tightened over Dean's and Dean turned to look at him. He could see the question on Castiel's lips. Dean had basically told Castiel that he loved him back in the forest, but he didn't want to say it outright. The idea that it might not be fully returned made him slightly sick and he slid out of the bed and started toward the bathroom.

"Dean," Castiel called from the bed.

"It's cool," Dean said quickly, "We don't have to talk about it. It's fine."

Castiel didn't answer, but then there was a warm body pressing up against his back and arms circling around his waist. Castiel pressed a kiss to the side of Dean's neck and whispered, "Next time can we talk about it?"

"Sure," Dean stuttered, not quite sure what Castiel meant by that, but happy enough to avoid the conversation for now.

They both cleaned up together, pausing from teeth brushing and finding clothes to kiss languidly for a few minutes, Dean's back against the wall and Castiel wedged between his legs, arms on either side of Dean's head. When they finally stumbled into the living room, Castiel was attempting to smooth down his hair and Dean was hurriedly pulling his collar up to hide the impressive hickey that decorated his neck.

Sam was sitting among a pile of DVDs, looking at each and biting his thumb nail occasionally. "You want some grilled cheese, Sam?" Dean asked him as he went into the kitchen.

Sam nodded enthusiastically and Castiel offered to help make it. Dean put him to the task of grating the cheese while he buttered up the bread and waited for the pan to heat up. They flipped the sandwiches together and Dean was just cutting the crust off Sam's when he remembered the whole soul/grace thing from earlier.

He looked over to make sure Sam was still involved in his task of picking out a movie before touching Castiel lightly on the elbow to get his attention and whispering into his ear, "When are we gonna talk about the whole soul thing?"

"Later," Castiel whispered back, "Sam can't be around when I try to touch your soul again. He would definitely be able to tell that we weren't human."

"What are we gonna explode or something?" Dean joked, cutting up the other sandwiches.

Castiel gave him a look and then said in a hushed voice, "If we attempt to deepen whatever it was before, there will be pure, raw power flowing through our veins and I'm not sure how that would affect Sam. If he's more in tune with the supernatural then he would be able to feel my grace and your soul reacting with each other."

Dean ran a hand through his hair. "This is so fucked up."

Castiel nodded in agreement, his fingers tapping the countertop. Dean shook himself once and then handed Castiel a plate while carrying his and Sam's out into the living room. They'd have time to discuss the soul thing later, although Dean sensed that they would have to go on vacation without Sam or find some forest in the middle of nowhere to do it.

Sam took his sandwich with a polite thank you and munched on it as he tried to choose between _Lilo_ _and Stitch_ and _The Road to El Dorado_. Dean nudged Sam with his foot as he sat next to Cas on the couch, saying, "El Dorado."

Sam pursed his lips and then picked up the DVD, taking it out and putting it in the player before going to hop up on the couch next to Cas. Dean handed him a napkin. "Wipe that grease off before you get it all over the couch."

Sam did and then chucked the napkin onto the pile of plates that was now by the couch. He snuggled down into the cushions as the movie began to play and Dean put his arm around Castiel's shoulders. Cas leaned heavily into his side, burying his nose in Dean's neck and breathing deeply. Dean smiled and rubbed his thumb over Castiel's bicep before placing a kiss atop his head.

Dean had seen _The Road to El Dorado_ a few times and it was actually really good for a kid's movie. It even had a couple of jokes that only adults would understand and the music was also fantastic. It was Elton John after all and Dean liked to hum "Your Song" to himself occasionally so the soundtrack to this movie was right up his alley.

He knew Castiel had never seen this one, but Cas didn't seem to be paying much attention to the screen. He was much more interested in pulling down Dean's collar every other minute and looking with pride at the dark hickey on Dean's neck. Dean gave him a questioning look and Castiel ducked his head into the crook of Dean's shoulder, pressing his lips to the skin there.

Dean didn't know Castiel would be this cuddly, but he wasn't complaining. It was still hard for him to believe that he and Cas had fucked, that they were together now. He could kiss Cas whenever he wanted and Cas had been interested in more sex later, which was something Dean was all for.

Castiel eventually watched the movie, but halfway through they had all moved so that Dean was lying across the couch with Castiel's head on his chest, legs tangled with Dean's and Sam sitting on the back of Castiel's legs. It was an odd position, but comfortable, plus Dean liked the feel of Castiel's vessel's heartbeat against his chest.

He hugged Cas tighter to him and lazily watched the rest of the movie. When it ended, Sam hopped off the couch to go put in another one. While he was picking one out, Dean spread his legs a bit wider to try and work out the pins and needles in his feet. He realized soon that that probably wasn't the best choice because Castiel's hips were now slotted perfectly with his and it was doing things to his mind.

Castiel must have noticed the interest downstairs because he grinned and wiggled his hips a bit. Dean took a deep breath. "Cas..." he warned.

"Yes?" Castiel said innocently, before grinding his hips hard into Dean's and making Dean groan loudly.

Sam's head snapped up from the movies with a concerned look and Dean waved a hand at him, gasping, "My leg just fell asleep. Pick... pick a movie."

Castiel didn't even bother hiding his triumphant grin as Dean pushed him off and waddled to the bathroom to take care of himself. When he came back, Castiel's eyes lingered on the flush in his cheeks and Dean made a face at him. While being together with Cas in that way was great, he wasn't' quite sure what to do if Cas was going to be a little shit about it and try to get Dean off in front of Sam.

Dean's annoyance at Cas melted when Castiel pulled Dean down next to him on the couch and placed a tender kiss on Dean's lips. They could hear Sam giggling while putting in _Toy Story._ Castiel's head remained tucked under Dean's chin for the duration of the movie, and Dean had to wake Cas when the credits began to roll. A sleepy Cas was soon becoming one of Dean's favorite things and Dean pressed a kiss to Castiel's cheek before getting up to go make them some Spaghetti for dinner while Sam practiced his Mario Kart.

Cas was sleeping again when Dean came back sometime later with a tv tray and three bowls of steaming noodles and meatballs. He gave one to Sam and set the other two on the tray before going to wake Castiel. Cas woke with a snort and Dean smiled down at him fondly. He got a lopsided grin in return and then moved Castiel's feet so he could sit down on the couch next to him. Castiel sat up and grabbed one of the bowls from the tray and dug into his pasta with gusto, slurping noodles occasionally while he and Dean watched Sam own at Mario Kart.

They spent the next few days being lazy, lying around the apartment and watching movies, playing Mario Kart and a couple of the other board games they got. It turned out that Castiel was a wizard at Chess and he won Clue in ten minutes. Dean tried not to look too surly when Castiel called it and then showed them exactly what he'd said.

Of course Dean's favorite part of the day was at night. He and Castiel would snuggle into the sheets together, talking softly and making plans for things that Sam could do for the rest of the summer. They started with fingers intertwined and gradually it became Dean humping Castiel's leg as Cas whispered encouragement into his ear while abusing Dean's nipples with his fingers, scraping over the nubs and drawing loud, needy noises from Dean.

They hadn't progressed to full on anal yet, much to Dean's disappointment. Castiel was still a bit concerned about the whole sex thing and Dean had told him he'd guide him through it, but Cas just wanted to stick with blowjobs and handjobs for now. He assured Dean that he would be ready one day though, and Dean really couldn't complain when those pink lips were wrapped around his cock.

With the new relationship with Cas always at the front of his mind, Dean almost forgot that they were raising the main weapon of Satan together. He was reminded like a slap to the face a few days before Sam was to go off to school.

Sam was playing outside in the little patch of street in front of Dean's apartment. It was tiny as hell, but big enough where Sam could bounce a basketball around. Castiel and Dean were both upstairs doing the dishes together, but keeping an eye on Sam through the window of the kitchen, which overlooked the street. Dean was trying to get taco grease off a skillet when he heard the sound of car wheels screeching and then the distinct noise of something hitting the ground.

The skillet clattered to the floor and he and Cas were out the door so fast that they left the water running. The only thought in Dean's mind was _fuck do not let Sammy be dead._ It wasn't just that Sam was his and Cas's charge, Dean had genuinely come to care for the kid and he'd rather rip his own tail off than have something bad happen to Sam.

Dean ran outside, preparing himself for the worst, for Sam on the ground, limbs bent at the wrong angle and blood coming from his mouth. Instead he saw Sam upright, perfectly fine, peering down at a lumpy, furry animal with tears coming down from his face. Dean jogged over to him, bending down to look at what used to be a black tabby cat. The animal had obviously been hit by the car that was parked a few feet away and Dean put a hand on Sam's shoulder as a young man came out of the car.

His eyes were wide and he said quickly, "What did I hit? Oh Jesus don't tell me it was a kid." Upon seeing the cat he gasped out, "Oh my God. Was it your cat? Oh God I'm so sorry."

"It's not mine," Dean told the guy, if just to get him to stop muttering apologies.

Castiel had come to stand behind Dean and he peered down at the cat. He wrinkled his nose and caught Dean's eye. Dean had absolutely no idea what to do in this situation. Sam seemed pretty worked up over the dead animal, but what was he supposed to do with the dude wringing his hands and looking at the body like he was going to puke.

He stood up and put a hand on the guy's shoulder. "It was a stray. We'll get it taken care of, okay?"

"Yeah, okay," the guy replied, obviously zoning out.

Dean gave him a clap on the back and then steered him in the direction of his car. The guy drove off after apologizing to Dean again and Dean breathed a sigh of relief once he was gone. He went back over to where Castiel was now crouched beside Sam, holding him as Sam cried over the cat. Dean worried his bottom lip as he tried to decide what to do with the carcass. He could tell there was going to be a long discussion and some warm milk with Sam later, but he didn't like looking at the dead eyes of the cat as it lay there.

He should probably call animal control and he sighed before bending down in front of Sam. He put a hand on Sam's shoulder. "You okay, buddy?"

Sam shook his head and sniffed loudly. He reached out for Dean and Dean took him, letting him wrap his arms around his neck and cry into his shoulder, saying, "Shhh, it's okay."

"But it's dead," Sam sobbed.

Dean gave Cas a look of help me and Castiel cleared his throat. "Sam, sometimes things like this happen and we don't know why."

"Well I don't want it dead!" Sam screamed is bottom lip trembling.

Both Dean and Cas froze as Sam finished speaking. There was something wrong, something in the air, a sort of haze of power that Dean felt surrounding them. Sam was staring with purpose at the cat and before Dean realized what was happening, the animal sprung up, full of life again, blinking at the three people watching it.

Dean's mouth dropped open and he couldn't answer Sam right away when the child cried out in joy and said, "Look! Look the kitty's fine!"

Sam jumped out of his arms and went over to the cat, holding out a hand and nearly squealing in delight when it came to nuzzle at his fingers. Dean turned to look at Cas and both of them had the same fearful expression on their faces. Sam had just brought a cat back from the dead.

Dean didn't know if that was a bad thing or not. According to his fellow demons, Sam should have been the one doing the killing. Bringing life was definitely a Heaven's angel kinda thing to do, but even so it was still weird. Weird as in Dean had no fucking idea what to do now. At least Sam hadn't made the connection between him and the cat yet, he seemed to think that the cat had just been faking it.

Said cat was currently purring like a lawnmower in Sam's lap while Sam chatted happily to it. He turned a big smile in Dean's direction, asking, "Can we keep him?"

"Uh," Dean stuttered, still in shock over the whole resurrected cat thing.

"Pleeeaassseeee?" Sam whined, sticking his bottom lip out in a pleading pout.

Dean looked at Cas, whose eyes were still fixed on the cat, his mouth open in shock. If he said no to Sam, that meant that a zombie cat would be walking the streets and Dean figured that wouldn't be the best thing. The cat certainly seemed to like Sam and Dean's allergy to cats had disappeared after he died so that wouldn't be a problem, and Sam was really, really good at the puppy dog eyes.

Dean gave in with a sigh. "Fine, but your scooping the shit, got it?"

"Yay!" Sam cried happily, hugging the cat tightly before carrying it under its front legs, towards the stairs, the animal's back paws dangling in the air.

As Sam stared up the stairs, Castiel grabbed Dean's arm, spinning him so that he could hiss, "Sam just brought that animal back to life."

"Yeah I know!" Dean yelled back.

"His powers aren't supposed to manifest until later," Castiel said worriedly, wringing his hands.

"Well maybe they're early?" Dean tried.

Castiel shook his head and mused, "It must have something to do with Sam's emotions. He's been through a lot the past couple of weeks and death is a traumatic experience, maybe this was the only way he could deal with it."

"So you're saying he's gonna bring back every dead animal he comes across?"

"I don't know."

"Should we give him the 'you're the devil's spawn' speech now?" Dean asked.

"No," Castiel said quickly, "We'll just wait and see if anything else happens. We can pray that this was a onetime thing and that his powers will continue to hold off until after he goes through puberty."

"Puberty?" Dean echoed, "Dude, if Sam's powers are anyway related to his emotions shit is gonna go down when he goes through that."

"I know, I know," Castiel whined, scrubbing at his eyes, "Maybe... maybe we can help him control them?"

"Well we'd have to tell him everything then." Dean furrowed his brow. "When does puberty happen anyway? Twelve, right?"

Castiel nodded, "Around that age."

"Okay so we just hope that he's chill for like another five years and there are no more undead cats."

Castiel rubbed at his eyes. "I suppose that's all we can hope for."

Sam's voice came from the top of the stairs, "Come on! I want to show the kitty his new home!"

Dean gave Castiel's shoulder a reassuring squeeze before they followed Sam into the apartment.


	13. Almost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Castiel's mouth reached Dean's groin, Dean made a pleading sound and Castiel breathed out "Shhhhh" onto Dean's flushed skin. He kissed his way around Dean's erection, never pressing his lips directly on it, no matter how many times Dean begged him. Dean had been with people who were a tease before, but Cas was a thousand times worse. Dean had been fantasizing about Cas for decades and now he had him, but Cas wasn't giving him what he wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter! Enjoy! 
> 
> And comments always make my day, hint hint.

The cat was given an official tour and Dean had to smile at the pure joy on Sam's face when the cat purred and rubbed against his legs. A happy Sam had to be a good thing, and Dean was hoping that there were no more cat deals for at least four more years. He was still trying to figure out how to raise this kid without having to worry about him raising an army of undead pill bugs that had collected under the fridge.

Sam named the cat Han Solo and Dean nearly broke his face ginning because of it. In truth, the cat wasn't as bad as he thought it would have been. It didn't seem to eat much or poop, but maybe Dean was just missing it. The litter box and food bowls were in the laundry room and Cas and Sam changed them out, so he assumed the cat must just be a private eater. Although it did accept the small scraps of table food that Dean slipped it during diner and lunch.

Sam was a happy little ball of joy and Han was his new best friend. The two were nearly inseparable. Han would sleep on Sam's pillow bed every night and the two of them would pad out from his room each morning. Dean half expected the cat to turn up wearing plaid one day.

Things got weird again when Dean was doing the dishes one morning. He was drying off the heaviest pan they had and Han was curled at his feet. Somehow the pan slipped out of his fingers and fell, right onto the head of the cat. Dean could hear the sound of the metal hitting the skull of the cat and he was so dead.

He slowly looked down and then went wide eyed as he saw Han's yellow eyes looking up at him as though nothing had happened, even though he knew for a fact that he had definitely dropped that pan right on that cat's melon.

The clang of the pan had brought Castiel into the kitchen and he looked with concern at Dean and Han. "What happened?"

"I... I..." Dean stuttered, pointing down at the cat, "I dropped the pan on Han's head and he's totally fine."

Castiel's brow furrowed and he went to kneel in front of the cat who immediately rubbed at his legs. Castiel's fingers checked the animal over and then he said, "There's nothing wrong with him. You said you dropped that pan on him?"

"Yeah!" Dean cried, "Nailed him right on the noggin."

Han meowed at Cas, who picked him up and then set him down on the counter. Both Dean and Cas stared at it as Han merely licked his paw. "Do you think it's got something to do with the fact that Sam brought him back to life?" Dean asked. "Is this like the Jack Harkness of cats or something?"

"I don't understand that reference."

"Never mind. But what if the cat's immortal now?"

"It's possible," Castiel mused.

Dean weighed one of the kitchen knives in his hand. "We could find out you know." At Castiel's wide eyed stare he quickly said, "I'm kidding! Jesus. You think I'd actually stab the cat?"

Castiel shrugged and then put a hand on Han's head, scratching behind his ears. Han purred loudly and Cas commented, "I think it's entirely possible that Sam could have brought Han back for good."

"Well that's just great," Dean moaned, putting his head in his hands, "An immortal undead cat was just what I wanted this morning."

His shoulders sagged and he leaned on the counter. Sometimes he really didn't know how they were going to get through this charge. Once Sam's full powers showed themselves all hell was gonna break loose and Dean had no idea what was going to happen if their superiors found out about the little arrangement, which would probably lead to them discovering that he and Cas fucked and then that meant shit he didn't even want to think about.

Strong arms wrapped around his waist and he could feel Castiel press up behind him, resting his chin on Dean's shoulder. Dean leaned into the firm line of Castiel's body and Castiel pressed a kiss to the side of Dean's neck, asking, "You okay?"

"I don't know," Dean admitted, "I just feel like everything's gonna fall apart."

Castiel turned Dean around so that he could press a tender kiss to his lips. "It's gonna be fine."

"But what if it's not," Dean mumbled, dropping his forehead to Castiel's, "What if it all goes to shit and Sam ends the world and we have to fight each other."

"That's not gonna happen," Castiel said sharply. He pressed his forehead against Dean's harder, locking his eyes with the green of Dean's. "Sam isn't going to start Armageddon, and even if he does, I won't fight you. I'd rather die."

"Don't... don't say that," Dean croaked.

He couldn't do this, he couldn't think about Cas going down because he refused to drive his blade into Dean's chest. The light would fade from his eyes and then his wings would stain the bloodied ground beneath him. The thought made Dean sick and he didn't realize he'd been crying until Castiel's thumbs wiped away the tears and his lips pressed over the tracks they had made on Dean's cheeks.

Dean sagged against Castiel, tucking his head under Cas's chin and letting Cas soothe him. He rubbed his hands up and down Dean's back until the tears stopped coming so fast. Dean hated crying, but he was scared, he was scared that Sam wouldn't be that smiling little boy anymore. That he'd turn into an enemy for both their sides and then Dean would be forced to watch Cas die, which would probably end up killing him as well.

"Dean," Castiel crooned, pressing kisses to Dean's cheeks. He let his lips linger on a spot beneath Dean's right eye, brushing against the skin as he whispered, "Everything's gonna be okay. We'll work it out."

Dean nodded, not even close to agreeing, but he didn't have enough strength in him to argue. He let Castiel kiss him slowly, coaxing his mouth open so he could sweep his tongue alongside Dean's. Dean sighed happily and wrapped his arms around Cas's neck, carding his fingers through the hair at the back of his neck. Cas drew back from the kiss slowly, his teeth scraping along Dean's bottom lip briefly.

They spent a few minutes in each other's embrace, Dean's head on Castiel's shoulder and Castiel's lips in his hair. Han was still on the counter, looking up at them through his yellow eyes. He meowed loudly when Sam came into the kitchen. Dean and Cas sprung apart quickly and Dean turned toward the fridge so that Sam wouldn't see him wiping the remains of his tears away.

There were three more days until Sam had to go to school, and they had plans for every second of them. Today they were all going to head to the zoo for the day, and Sam was eagerly bouncing on the heels of his feet as he held a tube of sunscreen out to Cas. Cas gave Dean's arm a squeeze before going to help put the lotion on Sam's face.

Dean watched them as he made sandwiches. Sam kept wrinkling his nose as Cas put the lotion over it and there was no way Sam was this evil thing called the Antichrist. Sure the kid had brought a cat back from the dead for good, but it just wasn't possible for those small hands to kill and those deep, brown eyes to hold the hatred of Lucifer. It just couldn't be. Dean and Cas were going to make sure of that.

It was way too hot for most of the time they were at the zoo, but Sam seemed to enjoy himself immensely despite that fact. Cas, however, didn't enjoy his shirt sticking to his back or the constant refilling of their water bottles. Dean rather liked the fine sheen of sweat over Castiel's skin though. It was salty and purely Cas when Dean kissed him while they waited for Sam to use the restroom.

Sam fell asleep on the ride back home, his stuffed lion souvenir clutched tightly to his chest. It reminded Dean of that plastic bag that Sam used to have. It had a special place on Sam's dresser, but Dean still didn't know what was in it. Sam had stopped carrying it around with him after he'd started talking, but Dean was still curious as to what was in it. They'd been so busy with other things that Dean hadn't had the chance to ask Sam about it. He made a mental note to ask before Sam went to bed that night.

Castiel yawned widely from where he was slumped in the passenger seat and Dean glanced over at him. He inched his hand down, letting it rest palm up on the seat, an invitation for Cas, who got the hint and placed his own hand there, intertwining their fingers tightly. Dean smiled the rest of the ride back to the apartment, because the possibility of the apocalypse might be hanging over their heads, but for now they were just driving home from a day at the zoo.

Sam was awake and full of energy again by the time they trundled up the stairs. He went to go pick out a game for after dinner while Dean popped few hot dogs into the microwave. Cas beat everyone in Pictionary and Sam's crude drawing of a rabbit went up on the fridge because Sam kept looking at it proudly so Dean decided to save it. He left Cas to clean up when Sam's eyes began to drop, taking the tuckered out kid into his bedroom and helping him get ready for bed.

Dean read a few chapters of _Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets_ to him before he closed the book and cleared his throat to ask, "Sammy, can you tell me what's in that plastic bag?"

Sam went still, his eyes darting up to the bag and then back to his lap. "You don't have to," Dean told him, "I was just wondering."

"It's a picture," Sam said quietly.

He got up and retrieved the bag, taking it over to Dean and pulling out an old picture frame. The picture was old as well, crinkled around the edges. It was of a young couple, a handsome man with dark hair and a beautiful blonde, woman. They were both smiling at the camera, the man's arms around the woman.

"It's my mom and dad," Sam explained, touching the picture reverently. His bottom lip quivered and he said very quietly, "Sometimes I'm afraid that I'll forget what they look like."

Dean put the picture down, gathering Sam in his arms. Sam clutched at his shirt, snuffling quietly into his shoulder and Dean ran his hands through Sam's hair. "Hey," he soothed, "It's okay, Sammy. You're not gonna forget them."

"But what if I lose this?" Sam sniffed, grabbing the picture from Dean and holding it to his chest.

"You won't lose it," Dean assured him, "I'll make sure of it."

Sam smiled slightly and then his expression turned confused. "How come daddy never talked about you?"

"Uh," Dean drawled. He hadn't thought about the 'uncle that you've never seen before' speech yet. He licked his lips a few times and then tried, "Cas and I were really busy with some stuff a few years ago so we, um, we couldn't come visit and I guess your dad just assumed that I'd see you later?"

Sam looked even more confused now, but then he said, "I'm glad that you're here now, Dean."

He hugged Dean tightly and Dean pressed his lips to the crown of Sam's head, whispering, "Me too, Sammy. Me too."

Later that night, Dean snuggled further into the sheets of his bed, wrapping his arms around Cas, who was reading some book that sounded very boring. Castiel's fingers worked along Dean's scalp as he read, massaging slowly and relaxing Dean until he felt sated.

He traced meaningless patterns on the fabric of Castiel's boxers and mused, "I think Sam's gonna be okay."

"That so?" Castiel asked, shutting his book and turning his attention on Dean.

Dean nodded. "He showed me what was in that bag. It's a picture of his parents. Good looking folks. And then Sam asked about why he'd never heard of his Uncle Dean. I came up with some story, and then the kid got all sappy on me." Castiel chuckled and Dean continued, "He's a good kid."

Castiel mmmed in agreement and then set his book on the nightstand, shutting off the light before slipping under the covers and grabbing Dean's hand. He pressed a lingering kiss to Dean's forehead before asking, "What about you? Are you going to be okay?"

"Sure I am," Dean retorted defensively, but there wasn't truth behind the words.

Castiel sighed and then kissed Dean. Dean opened eagerly, relishing the way Castiel liked to kiss him like he was starving for it. He would eat Dean from the inside out, nipping and pulling, drawing soft sounds from the back of Dean's throat until Dean was quivering. This time the kiss didn't end in Castiel's lips on Dean's neck. Cas just pulled away and then kissed Dean's bottom lip once before pushing Dean away.

Dean gave him a confused look, but let Cas strip him of his t-shirt, pulling it over his head and tossing it aside. He made Dean lie on his stomach and then Dean felt strong hands on the base of his neck, massaging and working out the tenseness in his muscles. He melted under Castiel's firm touches, sighing when Castiel's palms moved over his lower back, rolling and working magic. When Castiel pressed his lips to Dean's skin, Dean arched his back slightly, pushing against the wet mouth that was moving down his spine.

He could hear Castiel's gravelly voice softly saying, "You're so beautiful."

Dean's cheeks tinted at the compliment and he buried his face in the pillow so Castiel wouldn't see. Cas made an appreciative noise in the back of his throat and then Dean felt the wetness of a tongue trace down the dip in his spine. He angled his hips up at Castiel's instant nip to his hipbone and Cas slipped his boxers off. Dean eased back onto the sheets, trying not to pin his hardening cock too uncomfortably under himself.

Castiel pressed his lips on the jut of each of Dean's hips and then kneaded the flesh of Dean's buttocks for a few minutes until Dean was fully hard and his mind was wandering to how this could end with Cas up his ass. Castiel didn't seem to have the same idea though, he was just kissing every inch of Dean slowly, reverently even, as though he were worshiping Dean's body.

When Castiel's mouth latched onto the side of his hip, Dean groaned loudly, grinding his hips into the bed in an attempt to find friction. Castiel put a hand on the small of his back and Dean instantly stilled. Several seconds passed with just the feel of Castiel's warm palm on his skin, and then Castiel told him to flip onto his back.

Dean did, his cock springing up as he laid down again. Castiel's eyes slipped down to it, but he didn't go where Dean wanted him. He leaned over Dean and pressed kisses along his collarbone and down his chest. His tongue laved over one of Dean's perked nipples and Dean sucked in a breath through his teeth. Castiel shushed him and when Dean clamped his mouth shut he was rewarded by Castiel's wet mouth over said nipple, sucking and nipping.

As long as Dean didn't try to take care of his erection, Cas continued touching him. If Dean ground his hips into Castiel's, Cas would stop and shake his head until Dean went still again. It was slow torture, but it was Cas, so he let the other angel mouth his way over his ribs and abs, whispering things in words that Dean didn't recognize.

When Castiel's mouth reached Dean's groin, Dean made a pleading sound and Castiel breathed out "Shhhhh" onto Dean's flushed skin. He kissed his way around Dean's erection, never pressing his lips directly on it, no matter how many times Dean begged him. Dean had been with people who were a tease before, but Cas was a thousand times worse. Dean had been fantasizing about Cas for decades and now he had him, but Cas wasn't giving him what he wanted.

Dean had told Cas that he'd give him everything, just like Cas had asked, but he also wanted Cas's all. He didn't know exactly what he meant by that, but he knew that this, Castiel's lips on the inside of his thighs, this was him giving into whatever game Cas was playing, and he wanted that same trust from the other angel. He wanted Cas to let him show how he wanted to have sex, how he wanted Cas inside of him.

"Cas please," Dean gasped out as Castiel finished sucking a dark bruise into Dean's skin, "Cas I want you in me."

Castiel's breath hitched and then it came out in a hot burst against the base of Dean's cock. His voice was level as he said, "I don't... I don't think I'm ready yet."

Dean groaned in disappointment, but still said, "Okay, okay. But you gotta stop teasing me and just touch me already."

Castiel licked his lips and then his fingers gripped Dean's cock tightly. Dean muffled a moan behind his hand and jerked his hips into Castiel's fist. Cas stroked him a few times, but let go before that fire started raging in Dean's veins. Dean whined at the loss of those fingers, but then the sound of the nightstand drawer being opened made his heartbeat increase. Cas was going for the lube and Dean's breathing sped up at the thought.

The sound of the cap being popped off pounded in Dean's ears like a drum and he opened an eye to watch as Castiel coated his fingers with the slick substance, a crazed and slightly scared expression on his face. Dean put a hand on his shoulder. "Cas you don't have to do this. We can wait."

Castiel shook his head. "I just..." he breathed deeply, "Just let me..."

He bit his lip, eyes still fixed on his greased fingers and then he was propping himself over Dean. Dean's eyes followed Castiel's fingers until he couldn't see them anymore. At the first press of a digit, Dean's mouth went slack and a long groan came from him. When Cas pressed the finger in slowly, Dean gripped the sheets tightly. The feel of Cas's finger in him was amazing and he breathed through his nose, willing himself to open for Cas and show him that this was what he wanted.

Castiel twirled his finger experimentally, the pad brushing against that bundle of nerves for the briefest seconds and making Dean cry out. The finger was instantly pulled back, followed by Castiel asking, "Did I hurt you?"

"Fuck no," Dean breathed, "That... Jesus that was awesome."

Castiel's eyes went dark and then he was pressing in again, this time with purpose. Dean gargled loudly when a second finger slipped in and fuck this was the best thing he'd ever felt. When Castiel scissored the digits Dean's mouth dropped open in a silent scream, his hips bucking up of their own accord and making Cas's fingers slip further in.

He needed to feel something else, to keep his body preoccupied or else he was gonna come right now and that was way fucking too soon. Castiel wasn't even out of his boxers yet, although Dean could see his dick tenting them and the wetness of precum on the fabric.

Castiel's eyes were glued to his fingers and the way that Dean opened for them. It made something hot curl in Dean's chest and he wanted Cas to open him all the way, to show Cas how eager he was, how ready. He tried pushing down on Castiel's fingers to get the message across, but he couldn't get the right amount of friction in his position, not with Cas hovering over him.

When his hips jerked violently, Castiel pulled his fingers out again. Dean made a wounded noise and then Castiel did something that made Dean lose his mind completely. He kneeled on the bed, put his hands on Dean's cheeks, separating them before leaning down and putting his mouth over Dean's open hole.

At the first lick of Castiel's tongue along the muscles surrounding his entrance, Dean sobbed, actually sobbed, the sound broken and ripped from his mouth. He had to bite down on his hand to stop from doing it again when Castiel sucked slightly. It was too much, too many sensations, electricity going up and down his spine as Castiel licked into him, mouth latched onto him like some sort of fucking lamprey.

Castiel pushed his tongue as deep as it would go and Dean bucked up from the bed with a loud gasp. That wet slip of Castiel's tongue as it left was soon replaced with those two fingers again, just stroking lightly over Dean's prostate as though Cas didn't even know what it was doing to Dean. Dean was biting so hard on his hand now that he could taste blood, but he didn't stop because he didn't want to come yet, he wanted to come with Cas buried deep inside him.

"Let go, Dean." Castiel's voice was soft and suddenly by his ear, those lips that had been at the most intimate part of him brushing along the shell of his ear now.

Castiel dragged his teeth over Dean's earlobe and moved his fingers inside of him, just a tiny, tiny tensing, but Dean felt as though Cas were trying to rip him open. All his nerves were on edge and his breathing was ragged. He didn't want to come, he wanted Cas to open him up all the way and fill him.

"Cas please!" Dean whined, canting his hips upward and making Cas's fingers brush along his prostate again.

"No," Castiel growled into his ear, "I told you not yet. Just let me make you come like this."

Cas wasn't usually this commanding, and he sure as hell never said 'come' to Dean, so when he hissed the word into Dean's ear while cupping his balls with the fingers that weren't inside him, Dean did come. Hard and fast, shooting all over Castiel's clenched stomach and making a mess of his boxers.

Castiel let out a long breath as Dean's breathing evened out again. He pressed his lips to Dean's cheek, whispering, "Gorgeous."

Dean swallowed and turned his head so that his nose was pressed into Castiel's hair. He breathed in the smell of Cas, mixed with the hint of apple shampoo. His whole body was still buzzing and he was open, the lube wet and sticky from where his hole clenched at open air, expecting another intrusion, but not getting one aside from the brush of a tissue that Cas pulled out of the box on the nightstand to wipe up the excess lube on the sheets.

He was extra careful not to let the tissue touch Dean too much, even though it was soft Dean still inhaled sharply whenever it barely brushed his skin. When he finished, Castiel pulled the sheets over Dean's body, pulling Dean against his chest and peppering his eyelids, his cheeks, his nose with soft kisses.

Dean could feel Castiel's harness pressing against his thigh and he asked lazily, "Do you want me to take care of that for you?"

Castiel shook his head. "It's fine. I want to make sure you're happy first."

"I'm good," Dean lied.

Castiel made a disapproving sound and pressed his lips to Dean's forehead once before he slid out of the bed and went into the bathroom. The lock clicked and Dean could hear Castiel turn the air on to hide the sound of him jerking himself off.

Dean wondered why Cas didn't just let him do it. Sure he was a little angry at Cas only putting his fingers in him and not going all the way, but that didn't mean he didn't want to watch as Castiel cried his name while shooting white stripes over Dean. In fact, a part of Dean wanted to show Cas what it was like to have someone tease you like that, shove his finger up Cas's ass and not give him what he wanted until Cas was begging for it.

He could understand why Cas would be hesitant to have actual sex with him, but they'd been jerking each other off and sucking each other for a couple of weeks now. He was ready, _had_ been ready for a long time actually, for the next step, for Cas to drive into him and fulfill all his fantasies. He supposed he should be thankful that he at least got Cas's fingers up his ass, but he was still yearning for that long cock to be in him, to split him wide and he could show Cas how great real sex was.


	14. Crazy Little Thing Called Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel's eyes flicked down to the sheets and he said, "Dean I understand that you were human once, so this subject means much more to you than me. I won't even pretend to understand what love is. I'm honestly not even sure if I have the capability to have it."

Castiel came out of the bathroom a few minutes later, his face flushed. Dean didn't look at him when he slipped in beside him, but he did say moodily, "Was it good?"

He heard Castiel's sigh before he answered, "Not as good as when you do it."

Dean huffed. "I offered ya know."

Castiel didn't reply for a bit, but then he said quietly, "I'm sorry I didn't do what you wanted earlier. I... as you say, chickened out."

"Dude you had your fingers up my ass and then you started rimming me."

Castiel cringed and Dean could practically feel the heat of his blush despite the fact that they were sitting further apart than they usually did. Dean turned so he could look at Cas while he said, "You could've fucked me and I would have been fine with it, happy as hell actually."

"I know," Castiel sighed, running a hand over his face. He looked at Dean out of the corner of his eye, his gaze traveling over Dean's chest and arms. He licked his lips a few times before saying, "I'd like to be with you in that way, but-"

"But what?" Dean interrupted, "If you're gonna say it's cause of sin or the Jesus book or some other shit, let me remind you that my dick has been down your pretty, heavenly angel throat."

"That's not the reason," Castiel snapped. "I haven't... ever..."

He trailed off, and Dean lifted his head from the pillow, eyebrows raised. "Cas, are you telling me that you've never had sex before me?"

Castiel went a deeper red and Dean let out a "Shit." He'd fucked a virgin, a virgin angel who he was trying to have real super duper gay anal sex with. Although Cas had been jerking off in the shower for some time, which meant that he as least knew how it worked.

"I've never had penetrative sex," Castiel said, looking anywhere but Dean.

Dean snorted. He would have never had this conversation with anyone but Cas. Sex was always something that he'd been doing. He'd lost his virginity as a human when he was like 16, or it might have been younger, he honesty couldn't remember anymore. But here was Cas. Beautiful, amazing Cas, who Dean had been pining after since they met. Cas had certainly had time to explore the sexual realm. So why hadn't he?

"Is abstinence like some Heaven angel thing?" Dean asked, shifting so he could look up at Cas.

"Sex isn't encouraged," Castiel replied, "Although some of my brethren do engage in it."

"But I bet none of them have a catch like me," Dean teased, flashing Cas a smile.

Castiel's lips quirked upward a bit and he looked over at Dean affectionately. Dean sought out Castiel's hand under the covers and squeezed it as he asked, "Are you nervous about being with me in that way?"

"It's not so much nerves," Castiel answered, "I just don't want to do it wrong and disappoint you."

"Well if it was anything like earlier, you're gonna be great," Dean said with a smile.

Castiel grinned and then inched down under the covers so he could kiss Dean, opening for him and letting Dean suck nosily on his tongue. Castiel had left his boxers in the bathroom so they were very much naked when Dean pulled Cas flush against him while licking into his wet mouth.

He drew back to look at Cas. Cas's eyes were hooded, his lips slightly parted, red and slick from spit, his tongue resting against the backs of his top teeth as he looked at Dean with unfocused eyes. Dean rubbed his thumbs over the stubble on Castiel's jaws and then his lips, kissing his way over the roughness and laving his tongue against it, feeling the scrape along it. Stubble burn was something that he loved and he'd often run his fingers over the raw skin after a night of Cas nuzzling the insides of his thighs before sucking Dean off like a pro.

Castiel's perpetual stubble was one of the things Dean loved about him. He loved running his fingers over it in the morning, loved how their stubble felt when they hugged cheek to cheek, how it was always there for him to admire. He didn't even want to think about a clean shaven Cas, it just didn't seem possible. Cas had stubble and Dean was the only one who got to lick his way across it.

As of late, Dean had been making a sort of mental list about the things he loved about Cas. There were his eyes of course, and that stupid smile that he got when he'd wake Dean up in the morning with a kiss to his nose. Dean loved every part of Castiel's vessel, the way his fingers were so long and those little shadows that his eyelashes left on his cheeks when he looked down. Dean loved a lot of _things_ about Cas, but he didn't want to admit that he might love Cas as in Cas.

Sure he'd thought about it a lot, and they'd never really had the conversation about it after Sam had asked if they were in love. There were nights when they'd lain together in complete silence and Dean could have brought it up, but the words always go tangled on his tongue.

Sometimes he felt as though this thing they had was so fragile that it would break if he said the wrong word. Sure Cas seemed to very much enjoy the sex and the cuddling and being able to kiss Dean over his bowl of cereal, but love was an entirely different matter. The fact that apparently Castiel didn't have a soul also made Dean concerned. Could you love without a soul? Or was Castiel just this way with him because of the pleasure that Dean gave him.

The thought left a sour taste in his mouth and Dean must have made a face because Castiel lifted his head from Dean's chest to ask, "What's wrong?"

Dean took a deep breath before saying, "What do you think about love?"

Castiel's eyebrows lowered, but he replied, "I believe that love is one of the driving factors of the universe and that it's taken too lightly nowadays."

"What about love as far as you see it?" Dean asked, his heart beating fast as he became suddenly nervous as to Cas's answer. He tried specifying, "Like is love the same thing for from the ass crack of time angels as it is for humans?"

Castiel pursed his lips. "I don't think my brethren have given much thought to the matter. We love each other in terms of a family, but if you're talking romantic love, I'd have to say no."

"Is it cause you guys don't have souls?"

"Maybe. I'm not sure. I've never looked into it for myself." Castiel looked up at Dean. "But why are you asking me this?"

Dean went red and stuttered, "No reason. I was just curious."

"Does it have to do with us?" Castiel asked.

Dean closed his eyes. Shit. He was stuck now. It was either lie through his teeth or say it outright, neither of which were appealing to him. Castiel said his name as a question and Dean mumbled, "Maybe."

Castiel's eyes flicked down to the sheets and he said, "Dean I understand that you were human once, so this subject means much more to you than me. I won't even pretend to understand what love is. I'm honestly not even sure if I have the capability to have it."

Dean put his hands over his ears before Cas could continue. He didn't want to hear Cas tell him that he didn't love him. He was already emotionally challenged and the confirmation that he wasn't loved was gonna hurt like a bitch. He'd had love rejected before and he almost didn't make it through that night after she had left him.

Fingers pried his hands away from his ears and then Castiel's lips pressed against his palms. He didn't meet Castiel's eyes as the angel said, "I'm not sure if I know what love is, Dean, but I'm positive that this," He put a hand over Dean's heart and Dean could feel that phantom heat as Cas continued, "This is something that I've never felt before. I've felt things with you that I've never experienced before and it still amazes me. I don't mean to take the word lightly, but I do mean it when I say that, if it's possible for an angel to love, that I love you, Dean."

Dean looked up at Cas in awe and he wasn't at all prepared for the tears that were swimming in front of Castiel's eyes. He grabbed Cas by the shoulders and pulled him in for a rough kiss that quickly turned soft, just the lightest press of lips until Dean felt the wetness of tears on his cheeks as well.

He wiped the tears from Castiel's face and kissed him once more before saying, "Cas I love you too."

Castiel laughed, wet through his tears and then he pressed his lips to Dean's once more. They kissed slowly for a few minutes, just enjoying the feel of how their teeth clipped at each other's lips, their tongues sliding together in a slow sort of dance. Dean didn't even know how to describe the feeling in his chest right now. He'd never had someone say those three words to him and mean it before and fuck did it feel so good. Even better considering that it was Cas who had said it.

The next couple of days went by fast. They went rollerblading and then to an amusement park on the day before Sam was set to ship off for school. Dean made Cas go on the rollercoaster's with him and Cas threw up in the waste bin afterwards, but not before punching Dean hard in the arm. Sam won a ton of prizes at the little games you could play and Dean sorta regretted letting him keep the giant stuffed bear which blocked his view the entire drive home.

Sam was up and at em at the crack of dawn the next morning, rushing into Dean and Cas's bedroom and jumping on the bed until Dean finally cracked an eye open and groaned, "Sam if I look over at that clock and it doesn't at least read eight, I'm going to fu-"

Castiel cut him off by draping his arm over Dean's face. Cas had gotten very good at realizing when Dean was going to swear, and he could usually stop him before Sam was subjected to such colorful language. Cas kept his hand over Dean's mouth as he turned to look at the alarm clock.

He sighed and then whispered into Dean's ear, "Sam has to be at school in an hour and I suggest we make him a good breakfast."

Dean groaned but reluctantly got out of the bed, telling Sam, "Go get dressed and I'll make you some oatmeal. Cas can you help him get a good outfit together?"

Cas nodded and then ushered Sam out of the bedroom and into his own. Dean pulled on a t-shirt and sauntered into the kitchen to start making some oatmeal, even going as far to put fruit in it to make sure Sam would be having a nice, nutritional breakfast before he started his first day of school.

He would be attending a small primary school a couple of blocks down the road from Dean's apartment. Ben had gone there when he was young and Dean was watching him, so Dean knew the territory. He also knew that school could be a bitch and he was preparing himself for when Sam got into junior high and the hormones kicked in and fucked everything up. He was still hoping that Sam wouldn't randomly make some guy spontaneously combust because his powers decided to make themselves known.

For now though, Sam was just a seven-year-old, who was currently bounding into the kitchen dressed in a Spider-man t-shirt. He was followed by a sleepy looking Cas, rubbing at one eye while pulling up his sweatpants with the other hand, the pants that were actually Dean's.

Dean smiled and set a bowl of porridge in front of Sam. The kid dug in happily, tapping his fingers on the counter. "You excited, Sammy?" Dean asked, leaning back against the counter while Cas went to go make his usual morning coffee.

Sam nodded and Han came out of Sam's bedroom, planting himself right on Dean's foot. Dean glared down at him. Han seemed to think he owned the apartment, and that he could get away with sleeping on Dean's face when Dean would take naps on the couch. It didn't help that the cat was immune to pretty much everything. It appeared that the animal was alive for good, especially after it had eaten some rat poison that was in the corner of the laundry room and been completely fine, even though the vet had told Dean that the cat would most likely be dead by morning.

Dean picked Han up so he could walk without the cat on his feet. He set him on the counter next to Sam and he immediately went to nibble at some oatmeal that had fallen out of Sam's bowl. Cas was waiting impatiently for the water to heat up for his coffee and Dean nudged him in the back, right in the spot that he knew Cas hated to be poked in.

Cas stiffened and then glared daggers at Dean before muttering to himself as he prepared his coffee. Dean grinned and went to grab Sam's backpack and shoes from where they'd put them last night. He'd done the first day of school routine once with Ben and he wanted to make sure that he did it right with Sam. No mistakes.

Of course they were a few minutes late and Dean nearly tripped over a kid on his way to the classroom door. He opened it with a bang and ten pairs of tiny eyes turned to look at him, along with a pair of brown eyes belonging to the pretty, young blonde in the pencil skirt standing at the front of the classroom.

She raised an eyebrow at Dean and Dean said sheepishly, "Got a little bit of a late start this morning."

"I see," the woman replied before smiling at Sam, who was looking shyly at his shoes. She kneeled down so that she was on his level and said happily, "I'm Miss Harvelle."

"Sam," Sam said quietly.

"And I'm Dean," Dean told Miss Harvelle, offering a hand as she stood up. She took it with a smile and Dean gave her a grin and a, "Do I get a first name?"

Miss Harvelle gave Dean an unamused look, but replied, "Jo, but it's Miss Harvelle to you."

Dean gave her a salute. "Yes ma'am." He got an eye roll in return and bent down to turn Sam around so he could say bye to him. "Now you remember what I said bout being good, right Sammy?"

Sam nodded and Dean gave him a pat on the back and then pulled him in for a hug. "You have a good day, kiddo. Cas and I will be here to pick you up at three."

"Okay," Sam replied quietly, eyeing the children who were sitting at the desks a few feet away.

Dean ruffled his hair once before saying, "Go get em tiger."

Sam gave Dean a nervous smile and then went to sit next to a pretty blonde girl with a Smurf's shirt on. She gave Sam a big smile and helped him get out his colored pencils. Dean gave Sam another wave, saluted Jo, er, _Miss Harvelle_ and then went outside to where Cas was waiting in the Impala.

Cas gave him a questioning look as Dean slipped in and Dean said, "I think Sam's gonna be fine. Looks like he's already made friends with a cute little blonde. Kid's got game."

Cas shook his head and sat back further in his seat. He tapped his fingers on his knee lazily and asked casually, "You checked for demons and angels, right?"

"Well I didn't see anyone that gave me the heebie jeebies if that's what you mean. Pretty sure there's no demons though."

"Good," Castiel breathed.

He leaned his head back against the headrest and Dean watched the bob of his Adam's apple as he swallowed. He checked to make sure there was nobody around before he leaned over and ran his lips down the skin on Castiel's neck. Cas made a soft sound in the back of his neck and Dean shifted so that he was pressed up against Castiel's side, his fingers quickly slipping under Castiel's shirt and pressing against the hot skin there.

"Dean," Castiel hissed, "Someone... mmmmm... someone is gonna see."

"Let em," Dean growled, licking his way over Castiel's pulse point.

Castiel moaned and then he pushed Dean away with a stern look. Dean pouted at him and a smile worked its way onto Cas's lips. He traced his thumb over Dean's bottom lip as he said, "You know, we have a bit of time to ourselves before we have to pick up Sam this afternoon."

"And how do you suggest we spend that time?" Dean asked, already leaning in toward Cas again.

"Well," Castiel breathed, the puff of air beating against Dean's open lips, "I suppose we could clean up the apartment."

Dean raised an eyebrow and then kissed the corner of Castiel's mouth. "I think," he whispered, "That I'd much rather spend it in bed."

Castiel shrugged. "That could work too."

The drive back to the apartment was spent with hands intertwined and Dean was dancing his fingers up Castiel's thigh by the time they parked. They hurried toward the stairs and almost crashed into Charlie, who was with a pretty dark skinned woman. Both of them were holding coffee cups and Charlie's face split into a huge grin upon seeing Dean and Cas.

"What's up boys!" she cried.

"Not much," Dean replied, trying to sound casual despite the fact that he was fucking horny and just wanted to get Cas alone and rip his clothes off.

"Who's this?" Cas asked, looking at the other woman.

Charlie's eyes lit up and she said happily, "This is Gilda. Gilda Dean and Cas. They're my upstairs neighbors."

Gilda gave them a small wave and Castiel, ever the gentleman, offered her a hand with a, "Pleased to meet you."

"Likewise," Gilda replied.

"We were just gonna chill and watch Lord of the Rings," Charlie said, "You guys wanna join us?"

"We'd love too," Dean replied, "But Cas and I kinda have plans already so... rain check?"

"Sure," Charlie said, slightly disappointed.

"Okay, great."

Dean grabbed Castiel's hand and dragged him up the stairs before Charlie or Gilda could say anything else. Castiel shut the door behind them as they ran into the apartment and then Dean was pressing him against it, his lips latched onto Castiel's neck.

"Dean," Castiel gasped, "Dean I..."

"Mmm?" Dean groaned against Castiel's skin, already working at slipping Castiel's shirt over his head.

Castiel grabbed Dean's wrists and held them away from his chest as he locked eyes with him. "Dean I want to have sex with you properly today."

Dean's lips stilled and he gulped. He was all for Cas fucking his brains out, but it was so sudden that his mind was still trying to process the words. Castiel was watching him with hope and something akin to fear and Dean knew that this must be a big step for him.

Dean backed up so that he could take Castiel's hand, saying, "Sounds good to me."


	15. Bonded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He took a moment to breathe and then said softly, "I'm gonna go slow, okay?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I was a week late in getting the next chapter up! I was swamped with college stuff.
> 
> This chapter has a big plot point and some sexy times. Enjoy!

The shy smile he got from Castiel was worth every shitty thing that had ever happened to him. He grabbed Castiel's other hand and steered him in the direction of the bedroom, telling him that they could take it as slow as Cas wanted. Castiel nodded and watched with slightly wide eyes as Dean sat down on the bed and began stripping off his shirt.

Castiel's hands were trembling at his side as his eyes swept over Dean's torso. Dean reached out and took those hands again, placing them on either side of his neck and easing Cas into his lap. This was much slower and sweeter than he was used to, but he knew Cas needed this. He had no doubt that Cas could fuck him like a pro, but it was obvious that Cas was nervous.

Dean moved his own hand up to the back of Castiel's head, pulling him down until their lips were brushing. He pressed them together and Castiel let out a shaky breath into Dean's mouth. Dean kissed him slowly, just the press of lips, until Castiel began begging for Dean to invade his mouth, moaning and opening under Dean's tongue. Dean let his tongue run over Cas's teeth and gums for a few minutes before he coaxed Castiel's tongue into his mouth and sucked on it noisly.

Castiel's hips bucked against Den and he could feel Cas's erection pressing against his own. He jerked his hips up to meet Cas and Cas gasped loudly before grinding down hard and then it was Dean's turn to moan loudly. He ripped his mouth away from the wet heat of Cas's and trailed his lips down the sinews of Castiel's neck, laving his tongue over the other angel's collarbone and running his hands up and down the sweaty skin of Castiel's back. Castiel titled his body so that Dean could have better access to his skin, moaning encouragement.

When Dean's fingers slipped on the zipper of Castiel's jeans, Cas slid off his lap and onto the bed, unzipping the pants and struggling out of them while Dean discarded his own jeans quickly. "How do you wanna?" he breathed, watching Cas pull off his boxers, easing them over his flushed cock with a small hiss.

Castiel shook his head a bit in answer to Dean's question and Dean said, "Do you want me on my back?"

Castiel's eyes went wider at the suggestion and Dean knew that Cas wasn't going to have any idea how to do this without his help. "How bout we just start with this?" Dean asked, retrieving the lube from the nightstand and pressing it into the palm of Castiel's hand.

He spread himself out on the bed, legs wide, bared for Cas. Castiel popped open the lube quickly and slicked up his fingers like he'd done the other night. This Dean knew he could do and he focused on breathing through his nose when the first press of Castiel's fingers at his entrance made his hips jerk. Castiel pressed a second finger into him and Dean moaned loudly.

He was hesitant with the third finger and Dean moaned loudly, "It's good, Cas. Just, _fuck,_ yes... oh God."

Dean's body arched up as Castiel stretched him wide. It was so different than when he did it, so different from the other night. This time Castiel had a purpose and Dean's eyes kept darting down to that flushed cock, hard and dripping, so ready for it to be in him already.

Cas had four fingers inside him now, and Dean almost couldn't handle it. He braced his arms against the bed and gasped out, "Cas, shit, Cas we gotta move so that I can... I can... fuck."

"You can what?" Castiel asked, his voice gravely, eyes still glued on Dean's entrance.

Dean groaned loudly and then reluctantly pulled Castiel's hand away from his more than prepped hole. He grabbed Castiel around the waist and moved him so that Cas's back was against the headboard of the bed, his erect dick ready and upright between his legs. Dean eased his way up onto his knees, straddling Castiel's legs.

He took a moment to breathe and then said softly, "I'm gonna go slow, okay?"

Castiel nodded, his lips parted, eyes glued to Dean's as Dean crept further until he was almost sitting in Castiel's lap, hovering his ass over Castiel's cock. His own dick brushed against the trembling skin of Castiel's stomach as he reached back and angled Castiel's cock at his entrance. He put his hands on Castiel's shoulders, making sure that Castiel was looking at him as he slid down onto Castiel's cock.

The sound that came from Castiel's mouth when Dean took him in was almost enough to make Dean come right then and there because Cas was so fucking amazing. He was filling Dean in every way he ever imagined, but it was so much better. Cas was splitting him wide and he rocked up and back down, moving his hips in time with the sounds falling from Castiel's open mouth.

"Dean," was the only word Castiel could seem to formulate and Dean leant down to kiss him so he wouldn't have to say anything else.

Castiel's mouth was open and Dean's lips surrounded the plush flesh of his bottom lip. He yanked it into his own mouth and sucked on it while he rode Cas's dick, trying to focus on making this good for Cas, for both of them. Castiel's hands were at his hips now and he pulled Dean up roughly before slamming him back down again, nearly growling into Dean's mouth.

Dean was panting and each time he moved Castiel's cock hit his sweet spot, sending waves of pleasure coursing through his veins. Castiel was meeting him in his movements now, snapping his hips up when Dean rocked down on him. They weren't kissing anymore, just breathing against each other's mouths as the sensations washed over them.

When Dean curved his back and slammed his hips particularly hard against Castiel's, Cas threw his head back and let out a long wounded noise. His fingers dug in into Dean's hips, most likely leaving bruises, not that Dean cared. He wanted Cas to come, wanted to fill that heat inside of him and he mouthed at Castiel's neck, sucking and nipping at the skin.

Castiel let out another loud moan and then one of his hands was gripping Dean's left shoulder and it was burning. Dean's eyes snapped open and shit, Castiel had let his barriers down. He must have been so overcome by what was happening that he let his grace seep through. Dean could feel it pulsing through Castiel's vessel, making everything hot and fucking amazing because it felt like his whole body was on fire, but not the kind of fire that burned before he orgasmed. This was pure energy, passing between him and Cas.

Castiel's palm was hot against his skin, burning the flesh and he cried out. Castiel's eyes opened and he looked with fear at Dean, his pupils white hot. His hand left Dean's shoulder as he stammered out, "Dean... Dean I..."

Dean cut him off with his lips, sliding Cas into him to the hilt. His entire body was burning up, this was nothing like what it was before when Cas had touched his soul while they'd been flying. This was almost as though they were being joined both physically and spiritually, if that was even possible.

Cas gasped and his grip on Dean's hips tightened again as words in another language tumbled from his mouth. He was chanting something and now his wings were forming. Dean's eyes watched the feathers fluff and the muscles stretch the plumage out until they spanned wide, vibrating in time with the rest of Castiel's body. Two other pairs of wings formed beside them and Dean's mouth fell open in shock.

Castiel's rough voice was still saying those strange words and Dean could feel his own mojo, or soul, or whatever the fuck he had, starting to react. It was like someone had placed a burning coal in his center and the steam from it was trying to come out of every inch of his body. He lost control of his body when Castiel's hips jerked up, slamming him into Dean with enough force that he raised up off the bed.

Dean's wings smoked into being despite his efforts to keep his true form at bay and his nails were sharp when he dug them into the headboard, his tongue falling from his mouth, forked and long, entirely useless when he tried to find words to counteract Castiel's foreign chanting. His shoulder was burning again and then Castiel's hand was there, gripping him tight and raising him up again so that Castiel could move in him once more.

His wings unfurled, rising above him, the tips of them brushing the ceiling as he screamed out Castiel's name. He had no idea what was happening, but he wasn't in control anymore. All he could do was let Castiel slam into him and yell out words in the language unknown to him.

Castiel's halo was shining brightly around his head and Dean's eyes hurt when he looked at it. Something wasn't right, the light was too bright, everything was too bright and there was a deafening ringing in his ears. That hot coal was burning his insides and then everything was white and Castiel was screaming like he was dying.

Several things happened at once then, the first being that whatever feeling Dean still had of his vessel registered the wet heat of Castiel coming inside him as he came in long spurts over Castiel's stomach. The other things weren't physical in anyway. Castiel's grace was inside Dean, flowing through him as whatever soul he had left latched onto it. The result was like a tiny explosion traveling through him and then there was the sound of something cracking, like a thunderclap but so close that Dean went momentarily deaf.

When the ringing stopped in his ears and he wasn't seeing white anymore, he registered that Castiel had slipped out of him and that he was alone on the bed. He was also lying face down, in shredded sheets, which he could only assume were because of his nails and maybe his teeth as he spat out cotton before sitting up and looking around for Cas.

Castiel was huddled against the far wall, his wings all around him like a blanket and Dean could hear him breathing heavily. He immediately ran over to him, kneeling and parting the feathers. Cas looked up at him with a tear stained face and then reached a shaking hand out to Dean. Dean gripped it tightly and hauled Cas up, helping him back to the bed where they both sat, true visages still fully visible as neither of them had the strength to pretend to look human.

Dean noticed curved indentions on Castiel's shoulders and he could only assume they were from his nails. He bit his lip and ran his fingers over the marks. Castiel shuddered and then his eyes were fixed on Dean's shoulder, his mouth open in a shocked 'o'. Dean's craned his neck to look at it and shit. Castiel's full handprint was burned onto the flesh, covering the place where Castiel had held him as they... whatever the hell they had just done.

Dean's voice was quiet when he finally spoke, "Cas, what the hell was that?"

Castiel's bottom lip trembled and a new batch of tears fell down his cheeks as he said, "We shouldn't have done that. I... I should have never."

"What?" Dean asked, his wings flailing nervously, "What happened Cas?"

"I bonded us!" Castiel gasped out, before sobbing loudly.

Dean sat back, his arms slipping from Cas's shoulders. He'd heard of this before, of bonding in a way that was much more from the physical. It was called a soul bond, and it was only meant for soul mates. Being bonded through souls meant forever, it meant that Cas was his and he was Cas's. It meant a spiritual marriage that not even death could break. If they were bonded now, then that meant even more shit was gonna hit the fan later if their fellow beings found out.

At a particularly loud weep from Castiel, Dean snapped out of his temporary mind lapse. He scooted forward and brought Castiel to his chest, gripping him tightly, his tail wrapping around Castiel's ankle. Castiel cried into Dean's unbranded shoulder, wet and loud, his whole body shaking with the force of his sobs.

"Cas, shhhhh," Dean soothed, running a hand through Castiel's hair. He needed to know exactly what they'd gotten themselves into, but Castiel seemed to be incoherent. Dean pushed Cas to arm's length. "Cas you gotta talk to me. What does being bonded mean for us?"

Castiel sniffed loudly before saying, "It means that my grace and your soul are inseparable, and it also means that I'm going to fall."

Dean's eyes went wide in horror and he shook Castiel slightly as he stuttered, "Please tell me your joking."

Castiel shook his head and then leaned his face downward so that Dean could see the faint light that surrounded his head. The halo was dulled though and Dean's hands trembled when he angled Castiel's head so that he could be sure that... yeah, that was a crack in the light. Castiel's halo was actually fucking cracked right down the middle.

"Shit," Dean breathed, tilting Castiel's face back up to look at him, "Does this mean that you have a soul or whatever now?"

Castiel shrugged, wiping away a stray tear. "I don't know." His lip trembled and he said in a small voice, "Although I don't think having a soul should feel like this."

A new batch of tears fell from Castiel's eyes and Dean wiped them away with his thumbs. He tucked Castiel's head under his chin and rocked them back and forth. Cas was going to fall because of him and he had absolutely no idea what that entailed for his friend. He knew there were different ways an angel could fall, and each were more horrible than the last. He just hoped like hell that Cas wasn't going to fall in the way where his grace was ripped from him bit by bit, until his halo shattered and his feathers fell out one by one. He'd be bound to his vessel eternally and eventually die a human death, if he didn't kill himself first when he couldn't cope anymore.

The best possible situation would be that Castiel became an earthbound angel. He'd still have some of his powers, the wings and the halo would still be there, along with the ability to heal, but as far as his connection with Heaven went, that would be no more. He'd only be able to see his brethren if they decided to come and visit him among the filth he was now a part of.

The thought of Castiel outcasted and alone made Dean's chest hurt and he asked, "Cas, if you fall, what does that mean as far as you and your brethren? Are you gonna fall like... like Lucifer?"

Castiel shuddered at the name. "I don't think so. Lucifer rebelled against my Father, I've not done that. I just bonded with a human, and that's forbidden. Angels and human souls are not meant to be together. Not like this anyway. A bond like this, it leaves a mark on both of us."

He pressed his palm over the handprint and then brought Dean's hand up to rest on his chest, saying, "This handprint represents my stake on you and your mark is on my grace. I can feel it, slowly destroying that grace. It will cease to be and I'm assuming something new will take its place."

"Like what?" Dean asked, feeling slightly sick.

Castiel put his head in his hands. "Again I don't know. This is new to me and I have no idea what to do."

His voice cracked on the last bit and Dean pulled him down to lie beside him, curling around him and protecting him with his wings. Castiel seemed so fragile and venerable, not at all like the fierce angel Dean knew. He was broken. Dean had broken him. The apocalypse hadn't happened yet and Dean had still let Cas down. He should have never even tried to get Cas to love him. It had just led to horrible things and now he was cradling a fallen, _falling_ , angel in his arms.

Dean got a sudden fucking crazy idea and he looked down at Castiel, who had fallen into what had to be a fitful sleep. He carefully unwound his arms from around him and slipped out the bed, grabbing his jeans and pulling them on before crawling out the window.

It was cool and the wind whipped past his face as he made his way to a deserted country road, his wings beating the air in time to his hammering heart. It was crazy, this idea of his, not to mention the fact that this could screw up everything he and Cas had, and put Sam in danger as well. But Dean had the smallest sliver of hope, no faith, in the person he was going to see and that was enough for him.

He landed heavily in the middle of the road, the asphalt cracking ever so slightly under his bare feet. His tail twitched between his legs nervously as he folded his wings, raising his face to the heavens and breaking every demon law ever as he raised his voice and prayed to the one angel that he could think of who could sort out this fucked up thing he'd brought upon him and Cas.

His prayer echoed in the silent sky, and he almost turned away in despair when nothing happened, but then lightning cracked through the blue and there was a boy standing in front of him. He was handsome in a youthful way, blue eyes and blonde hair, dressed in a casual jacket, t-shirt, and jeans. White wings, smaller than Dean's, spread from the boy's shoulder blades and a bright halo surrounded his head, shimmering as he looked Dean up and down with confusion.

Dean gulped and asked, "Samandriel?"

The boys eyes narrowed, but he nodded. He titled his head in the same way Castiel did as he said, "I heard a soul calling for me. But you are not a human. Merely devil's scum."

He spat distastefully at Dean's feet and tensed to flap off, but Dean put a hand out. "No! I did call you. This is really important and I know you guys aren't supposed to talk to my kind, but this is about Castiel."

Samandriel's eyes went a bit wide and he hissed, "If you've harmed him in any way I will end you."

"He's falling," Dean said quickly, eyes darting nervously to the angel blade that was materializing in Samandriel's hand.

Samandriel went still and fear crossed his face. He stuttered, "You're... you're lying."

Dean shook his head. "He bonded with a human soul and now things are seriously fucked and I need your help."

Samandriel's brow furrowed. "What do you mean he bonded with a human?"

"Me!" Dean blurted, "He bonded with me okay! It wasn't meant to happen, but he started chanting all this shit in some other language and then this happened."

He turned to show Samandriel the handprint on his shoulder and Samandriel's expression turned horrified for a moment before he said, "Castiel was speaking Enochian. It's the language of my brethren, very powerful, which means that if he spoke a binding spell you are now bound together for eternity."

"And then he falls. Yeah I get it. But there's gotta be some way to stop Cas from falling, right?"

Samandriel shook his head. "It was Castiel's choice to speak the bonding spell and it can't be undone."

"But he didn't know what he was doing!" Dean screamed.

"And why was that?" Samandriel yelled back, power starting to emanate off him in small waves, "What could you have possible done with him to make him slip up like that?"

Dean clamped his mouth shut. He couldn't tell Samandriel that he and Cas had been fucking. It would just ruin things for good and then Samandriel would probably gut him right here before finishing off Castiel. Dean should just leave now, but he'd already told Samandriel that he and Cas were bonded. Shit. Why did he ever think this was a good idea?

The soft sound of Samandriel's voice cut into his thoughts, "You made love with him, didn't you?"

Dean's breath stopped and all he could do was nod slowly. This was it. This was when Samandriel called down the forces of Heaven against him and he got both him and Cas killed and Sam was left to whichever side reached him first. This was the final thing he fucked up and now he just had to wait for the final blow.

It didn't come, instead Samandriel put a hand on his shoulder, saying softly, "Come with me."

Dean closed his eyes as Samandriel put a finger to his forehead and that familiar rush of air surrounded them. This was the way Heaven angels got around. No tube stuff or shit, they merely whooshed away and ended up wherever they wanted to be, which in this case was outside a small apartment.

Samandriel perched easily on the fire escape outside the window of one of the floors. Dean sat beside him and looked to where he was pointing a finger. Inside the apartment was a tall, sandy haired young man watching tv, an empty beer bottle in one hand and the saddest expression Dean had ever seen on his face.

"Who is he?" Dean asked, looking toward Samandriel to find that he had an equally sad expression on his young face.

Samandriel closed his eyes and replied forlornly, "He was my boyfriend."


	16. Samandriel's Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Just stop Armageddon from happening," Samandriel told him, voice steady, "If what you tell me about Sam is true, then he won't side with Michael or Lucifer. Our sides won't be forced to fight each other."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually on time for uploading this.
> 
> Enjoy guys!

Dean's mouth dropped open. Samandriel had been gay. Heaven had enlisted a gay dude as an angel. There was no fucking way and he told Samandriel that. Samandriel just smiled sadly and looked at the other man before speaking sadly.

"His name was Adam Milligan. We met at a diner where I used to work. He was amazing, everything I could ever hope for in a partner."

"But you were being influenced by Cas," Dean interjected, "And I know Cas, until recently he was the good little soldier. He wouldn't let his charge go to pot by supporting you and Adam."

"He didn't support us," Samandriel snapped, "Castiel was always loyal to the laws laid down by our Father, but God has long since gone and times have changed. Heaven is under new management. Michael is giving the orders and he wants soldiers. He doesn't care what their backgrounds are. As long as they'll take up a sword and stand by him when Armageddon happens he'll be happy."

Dean put a hand up. "Hold up. You guys are planning on starting the apocalypse? I thought that was the Antichrist's job."

"It is, at least partly anyway. There are many things that have to happen to properly start the end of the world and Michael intends for it to happen. The Antichrist is merely a pawn that he intends to move into position at the scheduled time."

"Well I hate to break up his Chess game," Dean replied, "But my side has plans for that kid as well."

"We know," Samandriel said, his eyes still fixed on Adam, who was now flipping channels. He turned to look at Dean as he explained, "Michael intends to fight Lucifer and emerge victorious to bring about a new Earth, the paradise that our Father spoke of."

"Sounds like he's playing God to me."

Samandriel sighed. "God has not spoken with us in a long time. Michael is doing his best to make up for his absence."

"And are you just gonna let him destroy the world?"

Samandriel averted his eyes to his hands, twisting them nervously as he said, "I cannot disobey orders from my superiors. If they ask me to fight, I will."

Dean snorted. "Then here's a newsflash for you buddy. Cas and I are both raising the Antichrist and we're gonna make fucking sure that he doesn't so much kill an ant when your boss orders him to stop the world."

Samandriel's eyes went wide and Dean said quickly, "We both got the same charge and Cas and I met before you were even born so there was no way we were killing each other. We worked something out and now we're raising Sam like a normal kid."

Samandriel's brow lowered and he was quiet for a moment before saying, "And him falling in love with you, was that before or after Sam?"

Dean's face went pale and he said softly, "I've loved Cas for a long time. I don't even know how him loving me happened."

It was strange to be admitting this to Samandriel of all people. But Dean felt like he could trust this kid, especially now that he knew about Adam.

Samandriel worried his bottom lip a few times before he replied, "I think too much heart was always Castiel's problem."

Dean's brow furrowed. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Castiel and I had a few conversations together before he was charged with raising the Antichrist. I haven't been an angel for long, but I have been in Heaven long enough to see that Castiel was different. Angels don't just fall, Dean, there are specific reasons. Love, the type of love that we are talking about, it just isn't something that angels understand. It seems like when they try to care, it just breaks them apart. But Castiel, Castiel would tell me things that I'd only heard come from the mouth of humans. Castiel's heart was always in the right place, but I think he often lets it rule his head."

"But what does that have to do with him falling?" Dean asked angrily, getting impatient.

"Everything. There's a reason angels don't usually have souls. Love gets in the way. Soldiers are much better if they can't feel, if they're cold. Having a heart and being capable of love is viewed as a weakness. If Castiel has learned to love, then that means he's no longer going to be a good soldier and Heaven has no need of him."

"So they'd just crack his halo and toss him out with the garbage?"

"In a manner of speaking, yes." Samandriel turned sad eyes upon Dean as he continued, "It shouldn't have been possible for Castiel to bind your soul to his grace. An angel's grace is far too different from a human soul. There would have to be a fragment of something similar within said grace in order to bind the two together, which means that Cas must have had a bit of a soul to begin with."

Dean pressed his hands over his temples. This entire conversation was giving him a headache and he breathed a few times before saying, "But Cas was created at the beginning, those angels didn't have anything but grace, right? So you're telling me that somewhere down the road, Cas's grace mutated into a soul or whatever?"

Samandriel shrugged. "It's possible. Even more so now that he's fallen in love."

Dean pursed his lips. "So you fall in love as a Heaven angel and you fall from grace. Not the best trade off."

"Love is complicated," Samandriel mused, his eyes flicking over to Adam who had fallen asleep with the tv still flickering, "It's hard and more often than not it leaves you broken. So why wouldn't it break an angel?"

Dean was quiet and turned to watch Adam. The young man stretched in his slumber and the blanket that was on his lap fell off, sliding to the floor. He shivered slightly and then Dean was watching Samandriel inside the apartment as well. He stooped down and picked up the blanket, settling it over Adam's legs again before reaching out a hand to softly brush the hair away from the other man's forehead. Leaning down, he pressed the softest of kisses there and then the end of the blanket fluttered in the light breeze that filled the room as Samandriel appeared beside Dean again.

He didn't look at Dean as he sat down on the edge of the fire escape again and Dean said softly, "You should visit him. If the end of the world's supposed to happen anyway, why not say a proper goodbye?"

Samandriel smiled sadly. "Because it doesn't work like that. Adam moves on from me, and I carry out the orders assigned to me by my superiors. There's no happy ending for me." He turned to look at Dean and Dean's heart hurt to see that there were tears in Samandriel's eyes as he said, "If Castiel falls, it's going to be very slow, painfully slow. It'll probably take years, decades even, his grace falling away piece by piece until he has no connection with Heaven anymore."

"Shit," Dean breathed.

He didn't even realize he'd been shaking until Samandriel's warm hand was on his arm. His eyes were filled with sympathy as he said, "Falling isn't the end of the world for an angel, but rather a new beginning."

"But what about the apocalypse that's supposed to start? What does that mean if Cas is fallen and can't fight? What if I can't protect him?"

"Just stop Armageddon from happening," Samandriel told him, voice steady, "If what you tell me about Sam is true, then he won't side with Michael or Lucifer. Our sides won't be forced to fight each other."

"But Cas and I will still be angels on opposite sides and I know for a fact that us being together isn't going to go over too well."

Samadriel put his hands up. "It won't matter. If you and Castiel manage to stop Michael and Lucifer from ending the world, nothing will be set in stone anymore. Angels are soldiers and when there's no war to fight, then what are they to do? Who's to say that you're the enemy anymore?"

Dean put his head in his hands. This was just too much. He hadn't signed up for this. He just wanted to go back to when he first met Castiel and tell himself to forget about those blue eyes and that smile. That being with Cas would only break him, that Dean would fuck everything up as usual and hurt the angel he loved. Even if he managed to not let Sam start the apocalypse, Cas would still fall and Dean was afraid that he wouldn't recover.

The sound of Samandriel spreading his wings in alarm brought Dean out of his thoughts. He followed Samandriel's eyes to see Adam thrashing about in his sleep. He could tell that Samandriel was restraining himself from going to comfort him, and Dean put a hand on Samandriel's thin shoulder, giving him a squeeze.

Samandriel's voice cracked as he said, "He has nightmares every night. I think he blames himself for my death. It was his cat that I went after in the building. I never even got to tell him I loved him."

If Dean's heart wasn't broken for this guy already, it sure as hell was now. "Dude you should go and tell him now. It's not every day you get the possibility of having an angel boyfriend, I'm sure Adam would be all over it."

"I can't," Samandriel said softly.

"Well at least promise me that you will if Cas and I manage to stop all this apocalypse shit. If you're telling the truth about what will happen if Michael and Lucifer don't fight it out, then what's gonna stop you?"

Samandriel looked hopeful for a moment and then he turned to regard Dean with a serious expression. He stood up, flaring his wings and bracing himself as he said, "I need you to relay a message to Castiel for me."

"Yeah sure," Dean said, standing up as well.

Samandriel looked him in the eye. "Doubt can be a powerful alley."

Dean's brow furrowed, but before he could ask Samandriel what he meant, the angel vanished, air whipping past Dean. Dean searched the sky for him, but there was no sign of the angel. He sighed, running a hand through his hair as he tried to process all this new information.

Castiel was going to fall slowly, which meant another thing that Dean had to worry about instead of just focusing on raising Sam normally. Sam and the apocalypse was a whole other story. Dean now knew that Sam was considered a pawn by Michael. He could only guess what Lucifer wanted to use him for. Apparently there were several seals or something which had to be broken in order for the end of the world to properly start. Dean had a feeling Sam was going to be breaking some of those seals and the thought made him sick.

Sam should be a normal kid. He should grow up and find a girl and have a family. He shouldn't have to carry the burden of this whole Antichrist thing on his shoulders. If it were somehow possible to have him not side with Michael or Lucifer, then what would happen? Would the world just continue as usual and Michael and Lucifer would just slink back into their holes? Or would Dean and Cas have to fight to stop them from getting to Sammy?

The possibility that Sam might be used in the future made his head hurt even more and he needed to go home and make sure that Castiel was okay. He glanced over at Adam once more before launching off the fire escape and quickly flapping his way back to his apartment and slipping back in through the window.

Castiel was still asleep in the bed, his three pairs of wings folded over himself. One pair over his feet, the other over his midsection and the top pair over his face. Dean knew that had to be some sort of Biblical reference, but he didn't care because he recalled Cas telling him that it took more of his grace to have the other two pairs out and it looked like they were staying, which meant that his grace must be fried, if he even had any left.

Dean sat down gingerly on the bed, and almost fell off when Han hissed at him from his spot beside Castiel's thigh. At least their zombie cat had taken care of Cas while he was gone. He patted Han on the head before folding his own wings and running a hand through Castiel's hair.

Castiel groaned and his first pair of wings moved to cover his face entirely. Dean sighed and parted the feathers so that he could lean down and press a kiss to Castiel's lips. Castiel's slack mouth closed and then he pushed his head up slightly, pressing into the kiss as his wings uncovered his face. When Dean pulled away from him, Cas blinked open unfocused eyes, looking at Dean with confusion.

He suddenly sat up sharply, his wings flaring around him, the first two stretching to the ceiling, the middle fanning out on either side of him and the third one slapping down on the bedspread. His eyes were wide and his chest heaved as he breathed out Dean's name in a terrified whisper.

"It's okay, Cas," Dean said softly, putting a grounding hand on Castiel's shoulder. Cas leaned into the touch and Dean cleared his throat. "I talked to Samandriel."

Castiel's wings all flared out in shock and Dean said quickly, "I told him what had happened and he told me about Adam."

Castiel's expression turned from afraid to sad and he said, "Adam Milligan is a good boy. Sometimes I regret what Samandriel did out of his affection for him."

"Yeah he told me," Dean replied, shifting so that he could stretch out his legs.

Castiel's brow lowered. "Samandriel didn't know about you, Dean. Why did you tell him about us?"

"Because I didn't know who else to go to," Dean snapped, "None of my guys would know what to do, and I knew that you and Samandriel were close."

"He could have killed you," Castiel hissed, his wings vibrating slightly.

"But he didn't and he told me about you falling. It's gonna take a while Cas and its gonna hurt."

"How could he know that?" Castiel asked, folding his arms over his chest.

"He's not just another angel, Cas, the kid used to be a human, he knows about love and what it can do to an angel. He thinks that's part of the reason that you bonded with me."

Castiel's feathers fluffed angrily. "I bonded with you because I'm an idiot and let my feelings get in the way."

"You let your heart rule your head," Dean butted in, "Samandriel said you did that."

Castiel's bottom lip trembled and he put his arms out in a gesture that Dean knew all too well. He scooted forward and let Castiel cling to him, pressing their chests together. Castiel's triple wings folded neatly over his back, like a sort of feather armor and he nosed at Dean's neck.

His voice was barely a whisper as he said, "I'm scared, Dean."

Dean closed his eyes and hugged Castiel tighter to him. "We're gonna make it through this, Cas. I'm not gonna let you down."

Castiel clutched at Dean's arms, folding himself into Dean's lap and attempting to get as close as he possible could. His hand moved up to the handprint on Dean's shoulder and he slotted his palm over it. Dean gasped as a rush of warmth went through him and he figured it must be this bond that they had now or whatever. He welcomed the heat and pressed his lips to Castiel's temple.

Castiel let out a breathy sigh and then he asked, "What else did Samandriel say?"

Dean explained about the whole Michael and Lucifer deal and how Sam was just a piece of the sick game they were playing. Castiel's expression grew more and more troubled with each bit of new information. Dean finished by relaying the strange message that Samandriel had told him.

Castiel's eyes went squinty at the words and he thought on them for a few minutes until he asked, "Did Samandriel tell you anything about the state of Heaven?"

Dean shook his head. "All I know is that Michael's the big head honcho right now and he's dishing out the orders to kick start Armageddon and bring about some fucked up version of ultimate paradise. After he supposedly kicks Lucifer's ass in the battle of the century."

"I don't understand," Castiel groaned, "It doesn't make sense that Michael would want to fight Lucifer. It's not written like that."

"If you're talking about the Bible you can forget it. God's long gone Cas. Michael's running everything and he and Lucifer are gonna do the apocalypse their way."

"Then we're going to make sure that neither of them gets Sam," Castiel said firmly, getting out of the bed and standing up.

His wings spread wide, the bottom pair going to cover his nakedness while the other two fanned the room as he paced back and forth saying, "We could hide Sam away when Michael or Lucifer come from him. Or maybe a diversion would be best."

"How bout we just deal with picking him up from school," Dean offered, glancing at the clock.

Castiel nodded and he went to grab his pants and shirt, pulling the jeans on before realizing that he and Dean were very much still winged. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. The very faint glow from his broken halo disappeared completely and his wings faded one by one. Dean did the same with his, the spiked tail disappearing as well.

They could talk more about the end of the world and this bond thing that they had, but right now their little Antichrist was a half an hour from being done with his first day of school and they needed to be there to pick him up on time like proper parents, which was what they were for now. Because when it came to Sam, there were no angels or demons, just Dean and Cas and Han, who had hitched a ride in the Impala as well, curled up on Castiel's lap as Dean sped off toward the school.

Sam met them the moment Dean and Cas stepped into the classroom. He was all smiles, holding what looked like some sort of cloud with eyes. Dean bent down on his level and Sam thrust the cloud thing into his hands with a, "Today was so great! Jess and I made sheep together with cotton balls and she shared her animal crackers with me at lunch and we got to play on the swings together and, and-"

"Whoa there," Dean laughed as Sam stopped to take a breath, "Slow down, cowboy. Who's Jess?"

"Her!" Sam replied happily, pointing to the pretty blonde that he'd sat next to when Dean had dropped him off earlier.

Jess waved at Sam from where she was standing with a couple of the other kids and Sam waved back happily. Dean prodded Cas in the shoulder, tilting his head in the direction of Jess. He felt like a dick for thinking that Jess might be a demon or an angel, but they couldn't be too careful.

Castiel's brow lowered, and he watched Jess for a bit before shaking his head and whispering to Dean, "She's fine."

Dean sighed and then said cheekily, "Well at least Sam knows how to pick em. She's gorgeous."

Castiel rolled his eyes and went to grab Sam's backpack as Sam went to say goodbye to Jess. Dean caught Miss Harvelle's eye and she sauntered over to him, her arms crossed behind her back, a very teachery look on her petite features.

"Sam did well today," she commented, coming to stand beside Dean.

"That's good," Dean replied watching with a smile as Sam and Jess gave each other a big hug, "Glad the kid's making friends."

Miss Harvelle nodded and Castiel came back with Sam's backpack, holding it awkwardly at his side. Dean motioned to him, "Miss Harvelle this is Cas. Cas Miss Jo Harvelle."

Castiel gave her a curt nod and said, "We should be getting back, Dean."

"Yeah, okay," Dean said nervously, noticing the way that Cas seemed to suddenly be on edge. He gave Castiel's shoulder a squeeze before he went to collect Sam.

Miss Harvelle cleared her throat and said, "Are you two..."

Her question hung in the air and Dean licked his lips. "Uh, yeah."

Miss Harvelle nodded and was quiet for a moment before clearing her throat again. She gave Dean a smile."Well I expect I'll be seeing a lot of you and Cas in the future. And I fully expect both of you to come to the parent teacher conference in a month. Support from both parents is excellent."

"They have those things at this age?" Dean scoffed.

"It doesn't matter what age," Miss Harvelle replied, "Education is important at all stages in life as is supportive parents. So I expect you both there."

"Yes ma'am," Dean replied, hoping that he didn't come off to snarky.

He gave her another salute and cradled Sam's ugly ass sheep in the crook of his arm as Cas and Sam came up to him. They all made their way out to the Impala, Sam talking animatedly about his day and Castiel listening with a sad smile. Dean took Castiel's hand as he drove home, squeezing it reassuringly and giving him a smile. Castiel just sighed and rubbed his thumb over Dean's.


	17. Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At Dean's urging, Castiel scooted up on the couch so that his back was to the cushions and his feet were planted on the floor. Dean sunk down between his legs, rubbing his hands up and down Castiel's thighs, purposely avoiding his cock, which was begging for attention.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I missed a week uploading and I apologize guys. I was just super busy with finals and whatnot. Have some sexy times to make up for it. And I will be on time uploading next week.

The first thing Sam did when he got back to the apartment, after playing with Han for a few minutes of course, was to start in on the "homework" that he had been assigned, which was mostly little getting to know you things and like two simple as hell math problems, which Dean helped him with while he made mac n cheese.

Castiel sat on the couch for most of the night, reading a book, which Dean knew couldn't be more interesting than Star Wars. He was surprised that Cas could even concentrate on the text when he and Sam would cheer every five minutes when the good guys took out a Storm Trooper or whatever. Even Han joined in, meowing when his namesake came onscreen.

Sam fell asleep halfway through the next movie and Dean carried him piggy back style to his room, setting him down on the bed and pulling off his socks before tucking him under the sheets seeing as Sam was far too out of it to change into pjs. Sam gave a content little sigh and Dean ruffled his hair, putting Han on the sheets next to him before shutting the door quietly and going to slump down on the couch beside Cas.

He let out a long sigh and when Castiel didn't acknowledge his presence, planted himself between Castiel's legs, his chin resting on Castiel's chest. Castiel still didn't do anything so Dean put his hands under his thin t-shirt, pushing it up and pressing his lips to the warm skin of Castiel's stomach. Castiel flinched, but didn't do anything else. Dean breathed out another sigh against his skin and laid his cheek on Castiel's stomach, feeling the way the muscles clenched as Castiel moved slightly.

Fingers came to card softly through Dean's hair and Dean lifted his head so that he could meet Castiel's lips in a tender kiss that was much too short for his liking. There were still a lot of things they needed to discuss, so he started by asking, "What did Samandriel mean with the whole doubt thing?"

Castiel stiffened and he set the book down gingerly on the floor, taking care to mark his place before he scooted lower on the couch, pulling Dean closer and settling his cheek on the top of Dean's head as he replied, "I'm assuming that he was referring to the fact that some of my brethren could be swayed away from Michael's orders."

"How do you mean?"

"There are certain angels who have always been rebels. If Michael plans on fighting Lucifer and bringing about a new world through his triumph they could be swayed into not taking his side. Without a garrison behind him, Michael is just one angel, a powerful one granted, but I doubt he would have enough power to bring about victory by himself if Lucifer has his own army."

Dean stroked his fingers through the fine hair on Castiel's stomach as he asked, "So what you're saying is if we can get enough of your guys in the neutral area, then the fight of the century might not have to happen?"

"If Lucifer still tries to fight, then it will, but if they need Sam for the battle and Sam doesn't participate then maybe we'd have a chance at stopping it. It would be beneficial for you to find out which demons were supportive of the fight though."

Dean snorted. "Yeah cause I'm just gonna stroll downstairs and ask who doesn't support the boss's plan for the end of the world. That won't go over well."

Castiel thrummed his fingers on Dean's lower back as he commented, "But there are demons who were human once, correct? I'm sure that they would be at least willing to listen to you."

"Maybe," Dean groaned, nudging Castiel's hip with his nose and breathing in deeply.

He was suddenly very tired and just wanted to curl up and go to sleep right here, with his cheek pressed against the warm skin of Castiel's stomach, as Castiel's thumbs brushed over his hips through his thin t-shirt. Cas hmmed into his hair and then shifted so that he could pull off his shirt all the way, tugging Dean's off next and pressing their chests together.

Dean sighed happily and pressed a kiss to Castiel's sharp hipbone, which was poking out of his jeans. Castiel's voice rumbled through Dean as he said, "If falling means I get to keep this, then I welcome it."

Dean went tense at the words and lifted his face so he could look Castiel in the eye as he said, "I'm gonna be here for you, okay? Whatever you need. You got that?"

Castiel smiled sadly and kissed Dean before saying, "I know."

Dean hid his smile against Castiel's stomach. This was good, cuddling on the couch and not worrying about anything else was good. He didn't want to think about the apocalypse and Sam, or about the fact that Cas was falling. For now it was just him and Cas together on the couch, Castiel's lips in his hair and Dean's fingers tracing absent patterns on the smooth skin of his chest. They could have this one thing. If Cas had to fall and everything went to shit, they could have this. They could have this one moment.

When Castiel said his name with worry, Dean noticed that his cheek was wet. Shit he'd been crying again. He was such a baby. He mumbled sorry and tried to wipe the tears off Castiel's stomach, but Cas grabbed his hands and placed them on his hips before tugging Dean's face toward his own and placing a soft kiss on his bottom lip.

"What's wrong?" he asked, breath mingling with Dean's.

Dean sighed and replied quietly, "It's my fault that you're going to fall. If I had just kept it in my pants and hadn't tried to get you to fuck me then none of this shit would have even happened."

Castiel's eyebrows drew together and he rubbed his thumbs over Dean's cheeks as he said, "Dean I don't regret anything that I've done with you. I'm falling because of a choice I made. I chose you and I'm not going to change my mind anytime soon."

"But I'm not worth it," Dean said shakily, his voice cracking.

"Yes you are," Castiel snapped, grabbing Dean's face and looking at him intensely.

Dean shook his head, not even caring if tears were falling down his cheeks again. Castiel's thumbs brushed away the tears and he kissed the skin where they used to be, whispering, "Do you remember when you asked me what I thought about love?" Dean nodded and Castiel continued, "I meant it back then when I said I loved you, and I think I'm starting to understand those words a bit more now. I've been taught that I'm not supposed to feel, just follow orders, but you, you taught me otherwise."

He kissed the inside of Dean's wrist before finishing with, "You taught me how to love, and now I've made my choice to love you back. If that's what made me fall, then so be it."

Dean was speechless and Castiel smiled before pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. He put his hand over that handprint, which didn't seem to be going away anytime soon and Dean gasped as that warmth flowed through him again.

It was so strange, a fire burning through his body just by the mere touch of Castiel. He knew it was from their bond, from his soul and Cas's grace, but was it just grace anymore? Dean closed his eyes and tried to focus on the feeling, but it was like trying to catch smoke. It wasn't tangible per se, but Dean could still feel it, feel that heat flowing through his veins and wrapping around him like a cocoon.

He wanted to give Castiel that same feeling and he pressed closer to the other angel, kissing him firmly. Castiel opened eagerly for him and Dean slipped his tongue into the wet heat of Castiel's mouth, running it over every surface and sucking until Castiel was breathless.

Castiel tightened his hand on Dean's shoulder and a new wave of heat surrounded him. He breathed, "How the hell are you doing that, Cas?"

Castiel chuckled. "It's the bond. I merged your soul with my grace and now our emotions can be shared if I so wish."

"Can I do that?" Dean asked hopefully.

Castiel shrugged. "I don't know. Usually the answer is no. But I've never heard of an angel and a human being bonded before, so I guess we're breaking the rules a bit."

He smiled to himself and Dean leaned up to press his lips to the side of Castiel's neck, sucking slightly before saying breathily, "I wanna let you feel the heat, Cas."

Castiel moaned in reply as Dean's lips latched onto the column of his neck. His hands tightened on Dean's hips and Dean pressed his hand over Castiel's heart, trying to find his grace, like Castiel had found his soul. Cas didn't have a physical mark of their union and it pissed Dean off. There was no handprint he could touch, it was all spiritual and he tried concentrating on the heat, trying to find its source.

Cas jerked under him when Dean somehow brushed along the warmth. Dean had no idea how he was doing it, but he propelled his consciousness into the heat, rutting alongside it until he could feel friction there. There was something tangible that he had latched onto. It was scalding hot, burning behind his eyelids when he shut them tight, trying to contain the warmth in his vessel, not wanting to let go of any of it.

He groaned when Castiel tightened his hold on his shoulder and the heat spiked dramatically. It was like being down in hell again, but not a flesh burning warmth, this was a warmth that filled him to the brim and made him feel wanted, made him feel at home and he chased it, not even realizing that he was kissing Castiel under Cas bit down hard on his bottom lip, hips jerking into Dean's and adding physical friction to the burn that was passing between them.

Dean focused all his attention on the nonphysical friction, trying to let Cas feel that warmth that was flowing through him, drowning him. Castiel gasped loudly and arched up from the couch, his nails scraping down Dean's back as the heat burned white hot, making Dean light headed. When he finally came down from whatever high he had just been on, Castiel was panting loudly, his eyes fluttering, head thrown back against the couch.

Dean grabbed Castiel's hand from where it had fallen off the couch, squeezing it tightly as he said, "Cas?"

Castiel breathed deeply and his head titled down to look at Dean with awe. His eyes were slightly unfocused and his whole body was trembling as though he were suffering from aftershock. Dean put his hands on Castiel's chest, telling him to breathe and relax.

When Castiel finally started breathing normally again, Dean asked, "What the hell did I just do?"

"I have no idea," Castiel breathed out, his eyes still glassy. He gave a lopsided smile. "But it was amazing."

Dean laughed and ran his hands down Castiel's sides. "I could try and do it again sometime, if you wanted."

Castiel nodded enthusiastically and then pulled Dean's face up for a heated kiss that ended with Dean's hand down the front of Castiel's pants. "Dean..." Castiel panted, "Dean we should go into the bedroom."

"No," Dean growled, working at the zipper of Castiel's jeans with one hand while grinding the heel of his other palm into Castiel's growing erection.

Castiel moaned loudly and jerked his hips upward. Dean bit down hard on the skin of Castiel's shoulder, soothing over the dark mark with his tongue as he slipped Castiel's pants off. Cas obviously had never gotten around to putting underwear on after they picked up Sam from school. Not that Dean minded.

At Dean's urging, Castiel scooted up on the couch so that his back was to the cushions and his feet were planted on the floor. Dean sunk down between his legs, rubbing his hands up and down Castiel's thighs, purposely avoiding his cock, which was begging for attention.

Dean started by pressing light kisses to the inside of Castiel's legs, moving to sucking bruises into the pale flesh. Castiel's hands curled around the edge of the cough, his eyes shut tight, focusing on keeping his hips from bucking forward. Dean grinned against the most recent mark on Castiel's hip. He laved his tongue over it a few times before he trailed the tip of his tongue down the V of Castiel's hips and then finally down the shaft of Castiel's dripping cock.

Castiel groaned loudly when Dean started licking up the precum, savoring the taste in his mouth and then moving to deep throat Cas. Castiel sucked in a breath as Dean hollowed out his cheeks around him and then he moaned, the sound echoing off the walls.

Dean pulled off Castiel's cock and licked his lips before saying, "Now, now Cas. Don't wake Sammy."

Castiel's eyes went wide and he bit his bottom lip as Dean went down on him again. Dean could hear muffled sounds of pleasure coming from Cas, and when he glanced up at the angel, Castiel had both hands covering his mouth, head thrown back against the couch, his back arching slightly. Dean swallowed around Castiel's cock and it earned him a squeak from Cas, followed by Castiel's thighs bracing around either side of Dean's head as his balls clenched up.

Dean pulled his mouth away again, ignoring the disappointed sound from Cas so that he could put his mouth to good use on Castiel's balls, licking a wet stripe up them before bracing his hands on Castiel's thighs and pushing them farther apart. He had a thought and he hitched Castiel's legs up over his shoulders so that Castiel was entirely bared before him.

He locked eyes with Cas as he slid his pointer finger into his mouth, sucking on it and making positively sinful sounds until his finger was soaked in spit. He then slowly moved it down to Castiel's entrance and Cas's legs hooked behind his head, ankles crossed, eyes fixed on Dean's until Dean looked away to focus on slipping his finger slowly inside Cas.

Castiel's mouth fell open as Dean pushed the digit in all the way and Dean pressed his lips to his right thigh, leaving an open mouth kiss there as he swirled his finger around, catching Castiel's prostate on the first try. Castiel's hands were in Dean's hair and he let out a long whine as Dean brushed his finger along that same spot, making Castiel twitch and writhe.

Dean sat back further on his haunches, twisting his finger again and then fisting Castiel's cock with his other hand. He jerked it up and down in time with the finger inside Castiel and the noises he got from it couldn't be muffled behind the hand that Castiel was biting down on to keep from screaming out.

Dean moved his wrist in the way that he knew he liked and Castiel gasped loudly, his cock leaking over Dean's fingers. Dean rubbed at the head while his other finger stroked inside Castiel. Cas wasn't going to last much longer and Dean leaned forward to whisper into the flushed skin around Cas's cock, "Come for me, baby. Want you to paint me white."

That was all it took. Cas came with a gargled cry, spurting over Dean's face and chest, and clenching around the finger that Dean still had inside of him before going loose and slumping down on the couch with a heavy sigh. Dean pulled his finger out and ran it through the sticky semen on his face, gathering it up and then sucking his finger into his mouth, making sure Castiel saw him.

Cas's mouth was open and he shut it with a click as Dean licked his lips, purposely popping them and then running his tongue over the bottom one. Castiel's finger soon replaced Dean's tongue, rubbing over Dean's lip before slipping inside his mouth so Dean could suck on it for a few minutes.

Castiel pulled the finger from Dean's mouth shortly afterward and pointed to Dean's jeans. Dean shucked them off along with his boxers, letting his cock press against his stomach as he looked up at Cas expectantly. Castiel spread his legs wider, patting his thighs invitingly. Dean eagerly clambered up into Castiel's lap.

Castiel rubbed his hands up and down Dean's sides, resting them on Dean's hips before leaning up to kiss him, coaxing Dean's tongue out of this mouth and sucking on it. Dean shifted his hips against Castiel's trying to find some friction to ease the throbbing of his cock and smearing precum over Castiel's chest.

Cas stilled him with a hard nip to his collarbone and then mouthed at the spot for a few minutes, making Dean's breath even more ragged. When Castiel moved a hand between them and began to pump Dean, Dean's head fell onto his shoulder and he groaned out, "Fuck, Cas."

Castiel flicked the wet tip of Dean's dick a little harder than necessary and Dean knew it was for the expletive, but he didn't care, just rutted into the slow fuck of Castiel's hand. Castiel's lips trailed down Dean's shoulder and he traced the pattern of his handprint with his tongue before growling against the skin, " _Mine._ "

He moved his hand at just the right angle and then Dean was coming, messy across Castiel's stomach, some of it seeping onto the couch and they'd have to clean that up tomorrow. He pressed a kiss to the junction of Castiel's neck and shoulder and then stood up on shaky legs, offering a hand to Cas and leading him back to the bedroom where they both fell onto the bed.

Castiel immediately spooned up behind Dean, throwing a leg over his and nuzzling at the back of his neck. Dean slotted their fingers together over his stomach. Things were good, at least at this moment. He was happy, content even. Sure Cas was gonna fall, and Dean had a feeling they had had soul sex or something earlier, which meant that Cas had more than grace. But for now, with Castiel's arms around him, now was good.


	18. Leviathans and Lilith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's comeback to Lilith stopped in his throat when he realized that he and Cas had practically put up a "WE ARE HERE" sign when they had bonded. The amount of grace that had exuded from Cas had deafened and blinded Dean temporarily. But Samandriel didn't seem like he knew about it, so maybe there was the chance that it had been contained between him and Cas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actually on time for uploading this time!

The next few weeks were busy as hell with juggling Sam's school and the fact that Dean was looking for a job. They didn't need money, but he wanted something else to do with his time and extra money to blow never hurt, cause he couldn't just blow Cas 24/7. Castiel, on the other hand, was perfectly content with spending his days reading every book that Dean had in his apartment. He'd recently discovered the joys of the library, and often checked out fifteen books at a time.

Sam was happier than ever and there were often play dates with Jess, who was one of the sweetest kids Dean had ever met. She said please and thank you and made sure Sam stayed in line. Dean was already hoping that they'd stay friends for long enough to pull a Lion King and have a "Can You Feel The Love Tonight" moment, cause Jess was the perfect girl for anybody.

Dean was constantly watching Cas to make sure that he was okay, but he didn't seem any different as he went about his daily activities, humming happily to himself as he helped Dean make pancakes on Saturday mornings. Skirting around him in the kitchen and pressing tiny kisses to his knuckles at night while they lay together in bed at night. He showed no signs of the fact that he was falling. Dean knew Samandriel had said it would be slow, but he still expected to turn around and find Castiel's wings burning away one by one.

When parent teacher conferences arrived, Dean piled everyone into the car, including Han, who refused to stay alone in the apartment. They all drove down to the school and Dean sent Sam to play with some of the other kids who were on the playground while he and Cas went to meet with Miss Harvelle. Han trotted behind Sam happily and Dean smiled as the other kids gathered around him while Sam proudly introduced the undead cat, bypassing the undead part, of course.

The classroom was set up so that there were two of the small chairs in front of Miss Harvelle's desk when Dean and Cas entered the room. She gave them a smile and motioned to the chairs. Dean gave her a look and her smile turned a bit wry. Castiel was already situating himself in the tiny chair by the time Dean reluctantly sat beside him. The chair was much too small and his knees stuck up awkwardly.

Cas looked perfectly comfortable however as Miss Harvelle crossed her arms, leaned back in her chair and said, "I'm glad that both of you could make it tonight."

"Yeah us too," Dean replied moodily, shifting in his chair.

Castiel threw him a look and asked Miss Harvelle, "How's Sam doing?"

She pursed her lips. "Well, academically he's going great. Top of the class actually. He's a very smart boy, but..."

"But what?" Dean butted in, suddenly concerned that Sam might have blown up some student on accident.

Miss Harvelle sighed and then reached into a drawer of her desk and pulled out a picture. She handed it to Dean and he peered down at it. It was obviously drawn by a child with paint, but it was the content of the picture that made Dean raise his eyebrows. The painting was of what looked like a man eating another man, but instead of a regular mouth, his face was an entire maw, complete with sharp teeth and forked tongue.

"Did Sam draw this?" Dean asked, Castiel peering over his shoulder at the painting.

Miss Harvelle nodded. "He drew this the other day during art. When I asked him what it was, he told me it was-"

"A leviathan," Castiel interrupted, his eyes a bit wide.

Miss Harvelle looked taken aback and said slowly, "Yes, that's exactly what he told me it was."

"How the hell would Sam know what that is?" Dean asked, still staring at the disturbing in the picture.

"You mean you aren't a religious family?" Miss Harvelle questioned, her brow drawn together.

Dean snorted. "Not at all."

Miss Harvelle's expression turned even more confused and she said, "When I questioned Sam about it further during recess, he starting quoting the Bible to me word for word."

"I'm assuming it was the book of Job?" Castiel said, taking the picture from Dean and looking at it hard.

Miss Harvelle shrugged. "I'm not sure which book it was. I'm not a religious person myself, but it was something about fishing for the Leviathan?"

Castiel's head snapped up and he spouted out, "'Can you draw out Leviathan with a fishhook or press down his tongue with a cord?' Job 41:1."

Miss Harvelle blinked at him. "Uh, yeah that was it. I thought you said you weren't religious."

"Cas reads a lot," Dean told her, before Castiel could start quoting the entire Bible.

She still raised an eyebrow at Castiel, but then said, "Obviously this picture is... interesting, albeit disturbing. But what really makes me wonder, is why Sam called it a leviathan. Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't leviathan supposed to be sea monsters?"

Dean shrugged and Castiel opened his mouth to say what Dean knew would be something that would give them away, so he quickly said, "Your guess is as good as mine."

Miss Harvelle pursed her lips and then addressed Castiel. "Do you read often with Sam."

"Uh," Castiel's eyes flicked over to Dean's and Dean gave the tiniest of shrugs and then mentally slapped himself when Cas said, "No?"

"Sam reads on his own," Dean cut in, leaning forward and putting on a reassuring smile, "He's working his way through the Harry Potter series right now. He's almost done with the second one."

Miss Harvelle's eyes went wide. "By himself?"

"Yeah. Kid's a big reader like Cas."

Miss Harvelle still looked astonished and she said, "I wouldn't expect a child his age to be such a prolific reader."

Dean licked his lips and said uncertainly, "Sam's smart. You said he was top of the class, right?"

Miss Harvelle nodded but her brow remained creased as she tapped her fingers on her desk and mused, "If Sam continues to function at such a high level, it might be a good idea to have him take a few tests."

Dean groaned. This was the last thing he needed right now. He'd never even thought that Sam might be some sort of genius or whatever. He hadn't entertained the idea that who Sam was would affect him in terms of book smarts. Plus he was so bad when it came to kids that two-year-olds might be reading _Paradise Lost_ and he wouldn't think anything of it.

He cleared his throat. "I'd rather not have Sam tested. The kid's just a really advanced reader, that's all. Probably gets it from Cas."

Miss Harvelle looked unconvinced. She chewed here bottom lip a few times before saying, "I don't want to pry, but how well do you two know Sam's birth parents? I mean," she sighed, her composure slipping, "Oh god, this sounds horrible, but what I'm trying to ask is... are Sam's birth parents still living?"

"Why would you care?" Dean snapped, suddenly defensive.

"I'm sorry," Miss Harvelle said, putting her hands up, "That was out of line. Please forgive me."

She looked so apologetic that Dean brushed a hand at her saying, "It's fine. Sam's my nephew actually. His parents died in a car crash about two months ago and they weren't child prodigies or anything."

"Was Sam close to his parents?" Miss Harvelle asked, pulling out a pad of paper and jotting something down.

"I think so. He told me he didn't want me to be his dad, so we're kinda brothers instead."

"Mmmhmm." Another note. " And do you and Cas spend a lot of time with Sam?"

"Why?"

She stopped writing, biting her lip once and then pointed to the drawing which was still held in Castiel's hand. "I'm wondering if this could be a way to get attention."

Dean's brow furrowed. "What kind of attention?"

Miss Harvelle shrugged. "I'm not a counselor, but could it be possible that Sam would be unhappy with something that he doesn't have control over?"

Dean's eyes shifted toward Cas again and Castiel was the one who shrugged this time. Dean rolled his eyes, making sure that Miss Harvelle didn't see it before saying, "Sam seems like a pretty happy kid. It was hard at first after his parents died, but I think he's getting through it and he's making friends here, so it's not like there's a social problem." He took the picture from Cas and set it on Miss Harvelle's desk. "Maybe this was just a nightmare he had that he wanted to get out on paper. Kinda like an artistic release sorta... thing."

Miss Harvelle sighed and took the picture back. She tucked it away in her desk before lacing her fingers together and commenting, "The picture was the only concern I had. Other than that, Sam's great." She smiled at Dean. "He's a good kid."

Dena grinned back and took Castiel's hand discreetly. "We know."

They each shook Miss Harvelle's hand before exiting the classroom. Dean pulled Castiel down one of the hallways of the building, making sure that there was nobody around before he said in a rush, "What the hell was that?"

Castiel's brow furrowed. "I believe you called it a parent teacher conference."

Dean almost slapped him, settling instead for rubbing his hands down his face and pulling on his lower eyelids in annoyance before whispering, "What was the deal with the Leviathan drawing?"

Castiel's expression turned worried and he wrung his hands a few times before explaining quietly, "Mankind's view of Leviathan is drastically different from what they actually are. People believe the Leviathan to be a sea monster that will emerge from the waters at the end times, but in reality, they are a species."

"A species?"

Castiel nodded. "They were among the very first creations of my Father, even before my brethren." He shuddered. "They're despicable creatures really, driven by an unsustainable hunger. My Father feared that they threatened the rest of creation, so he trapped them in Purgatory."

"Purgatory?" Dean echoed, raising his eyebrows.

Castiel looked around before continuing, "Purgatory is a prison. If the Leviathan escape from it, they will only aide in bringing Armageddon into being."

"But how are those things gonna help Michael or Lucifer in the big prize fight?"

"They might side with Lucifer, if they don't consume everything first."

"Great," Dean sighed, running a hand through his hair, "This is fucking great. Cause we definitely needed an army of man eating black holes to top things off."

He ground the heels of his hands into his eyes, trying to stop his head from spinning. Man eating monsters were the last thing that he wanted, and it didn't help that he had to also worry about how Sam knew about them. Worst case scenario was that Sam somehow knew that these Leviathans were going to break out of Purgatory, which was bad all around.

Castiel's hand on Dean's shoulder made him look up from where he'd been staring at his boots. Castiel's voice was soft, "Dean we don't know for a fact that the Leviathans are going to be freed."

"But they might be and how the hell did Sam know about them?" Dean retorted, running his hands through his hair again.

Castiel grabbed his wrists, bringing his hands forward and kissing the palm of each before pressing a light kiss to Dean's pursed lips. "Why don't we just ask Sam about it?"

Dean rested his head on Castiel's shoulder, mumbling agreement before sagging against Castiel. Cas rubbed his hands up and down Dean's back, telling him it was gonna be fine and Dean inwardly cursed himself for being such a baby about everything.

When he finally composed himself enough, they made their way outside, scanning the mass of kids for Sam. Upon seeing him, Dean waved for him to come over and Sam took a moment to tell Han to stay on the playground before skipping happily over to where Dean and Cas were and asking happily, "Did Miss Harvelle tell you about my A on the math test?"

Dean nodded, bending down to be on Sam's level. "She told us that you're doing great. I'm real proud of you buddy." Sam beamed and Dean cleared his throat before asking, "She showed us you drawing from art though, the one of the Leviathan. Sam, where did you learn about that thing?"

Sam's happy smile slipped and he pointed to one of the other children swinging on the swing set, saying, "She told me I should draw it." He frowned. "I don't know how I knew what it was though. I just did." He looked worriedly at Dean. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No," Dean said quickly, "You're fine." He pointed to the girl on the swings. "But you're sure it was that girl who told you to draw it."

Sam nodded and Dean glanced up at Cas once before patting Sam on the shoulder and telling him to go back and play for a bit more. Sam's bottom lip pouted in confusion for a second, but then he went back to where Han was getting an ear scratch by a rather portly boy with a Buzz Lightyear shirt on.

Dean watched the swing set out of the corner of his eye. The little girl was alone on it, and Dean's heart stopped when she turned to look at him, because he could see the white of her eyes, milky and horrific. He must have said "shit" out loud instead of in his head, cause Castiel's hand was on his shoulder and the angel was asking in a worried tone, "What is it?"

"That girl," Dean whispered, barely cocking his head toward her, "She's a demon."

Castiel's eyes went a bit wide and he muttered, "But her eyes, they're all white."

"That's cause she's not just another black eyed bitch. Her name's Lilith and she's bad news, like major bad news."

Castiel's hand tightened around Dean's arm and he hissed in fear, "Dean she's coming this way."

"Fuck," Dean growled, snapping his head around to watch as the little girl made her way over to them, her frilly pink dress billowing around her a bit. He looked back at Cas, saying quickly, "She can't see me with you. You gotta go now."

Castiel nodded, eyes wide and then he was gone, walking quickly toward the school. Dean didn't turn around until he hear the high pitched child's voice saying, "Hello, Dean."

The sound sent chills up his spine and he hoped he wasn't shaking as he turned around to look down at the little blonde girl with the big bow in her hair and the eyes that were pure white. He hissed out, "Lilith."

The little girl smiled. "Nice to see you too."

Dean narrowed his eyes. "Please don't tell me you're possessing some innocent kid."

"Oh that's not important," Lilith said with a wave of her small hand. Her expression turned accusatory. "Who was the man you were talking with?"

Dean hoped his voice was level as he replied, "Just a friend. His kid goes here and we go out for beers every Tuesday." Lilith's eyes flicked over to the door that Cas had opened to get back into the school, but she didn't comment anymore on him so Dean asked, "So why did they pull you out of whatever pit you were living in and put you up here to tell Sammy to draw fucked up shit?"

"Crowley sent me," Lilith replied, crossing her arms, "He wanted to make sure that you were doing your job properly and not just stuffing the kid full of ice cream."

"What's it to you if I let him have some good stuff instead of just training him to be little Mr. Apocalypse?" Dean snapped. "And how the hell did you even find us? I thought Sam had some sort of anti demon field that made him hard to track."

Lilith gave him a wry smile before replying, "Sam may be hard to find, but you certainly leave a trail that was easy enough to follow when we did a little digging. You're not exactly good at covering your tracks."

"Well maybe you should trust that I can do my job and leave me and Sam the fuck alone."

"Mind your tone," Lilith hissed, "And I'm not just here to make sure you're being a good daddy, we got word that a Heaven angel landed near where you and the child are living."

Dean went still. If Crowley knew about Cas, then everything was about to get really fucked up, really fast. Although there was the possibility that Lilith could be referring to Samandriel. Dean and Samandriel hadn't been in Sam's circle of protection or whatever it was that kept other demons from finding him, and Cas had been near Sam most every single day, plus he and Dean hadn't been using their mojo that often.

Dean's comeback to Lilith stopped in his throat when he realized that he and Cas had practically put up a "WE ARE HERE" sign when they had bonded. The amount of grace that had exuded from Cas had deafened and blinded Dean temporarily. But Samandriel didn't seem like he knew about it, so maybe there was the chance that it had been contained between him and Cas.

He took a deep breath before asking, "What do you mean by Heaven angels?"

"Heaven _angel_ ," Lilith corrected, her lips twitching downward in distaste, "Not a particularly powerful one, but a Heaven angel nonetheless. We had one of the disposable demons tail him. He didn't do much, just visited some depressed dude and made some symbols on his wall in that language of theirs."

Dean hoped his exhale of relief wasn't too loud. It had to be Samandriel who had been seen, most likely visiting Adam and, judging by the symbols, probably putting up sigils to make sure that Adam would be safe from demons or angels for that matter. It meant that, hopefully, the assholes downstairs still didn't know about Cas and Lilith was just here to make sure Samandriel wasn't causing trouble, but it still didn't explain why she was messing around with Sam.

Dean pointed a finger at Lilith, hissing, "Listen, I can handle Heaven angels okay? So you can crawl back to Crowley and tell him that I don't need him sending you guys to keep an eye on me. I'll check in like you want, but Sam and I are fine, got it?"

Lilith's eyes narrowed, and she took a step forward in what Dean guessed was supposed to be a threatening stance, but was just comical due to the fact that the demon was in the body of a seven-year-old spoiled brat. The words that she hissed however, had exactly the intended effect on Dean, making his blood run cold as Lilith spat out, "You may think that you're all that what with your status as one of Lucifer's angels, but don't you forget that Hellhounds don't care what position you're in. If Crowley sends his after you, their claws will shred and tear no matter where your ass is ranked."

Dean tried not to let his voice shake as he growled back, "I'll be sure to bring a bone, bitch."

He stomped away before Lilith could say anything else and when he dared to chance a glance back, the girl's eyes were a normal blue again and she was blinking in confusion. At least the girl was okay, although Dean was shivering at more than just the fact that Lilith had been possessing a child.

Dean was no stranger to Hellhounds and he knew just how much those claws hurt. He'd heard the tales from the souls who'd been dragged down by the jaws of the dogs. Tales of how their flesh had been shorn from their body, peeled off like paper while the hound's claws penetrated so deep that they cut into organs. If Crowley ever sent the hounds after Dean, there'd be no stopping them from completely destroying his vessel, and those teeth could still hurt after his vessel had been shredded.

But this was more than just him. If Crowley wished, he could send the Hellhounds after Cas as well, and Cas was falling. What if he couldn't defend himself? What if Dean couldn't stop the hounds from getting to him?

He glanced once more at the girl to make sure she was okay, and then he legged it to where Cas was pacing inside a side hallway of the school. Upon seeing Dean, Cas ran over and before he could ask what Lilith has said, Dean was pulling him into his arms and hugging Cas like he was the only real thing in the world. Castiel tensed up at first, but then his arms wound around Dean, holding him until Dean stopped shaking.

Castiel's voice was soft as he asked, "Dean what happened?" Dean didn't reply, just shook his head and held Castiel tighter. Castiel made a soft sound against his hair and then said, "Dean I need you tell me what Lilith said."

"They know where we are," Dean replied, the words slightly muffled by the material of Castiel's t-shirt where Dean's face was buried, "They know." He tried to keep the emotion out of his voice as he sad, "What if they find out about you and you get hurt?"

Castiel's cheek was warm when he pressed it against Dean's, saying, "I can defend myself, Dean."

"But Lilith said that they were going to use Hellhounds and you're falling. I made you fall and now my guys could send those fucking demon dogs up here and if I can't protect you-"

He was cut off by Castiel's sharp, "Dean!" He went silent and Cas said, "Dean it's going to be fine. You have to stop worrying like this."

"But I need you, Cas," Dean gasped.

"I know, Dean," Castiel replied, leaning his forehead against Dean's, "Believe me I do. But you have to listen to me when I tell you that everything I've done, I did for you."

"You think I don't know that?"

"I think, that you need to realize that you don't always have to protect me." His eyes were sad and he pressed a lingering kiss to Dean's bottom lip before saying, "You can't save everyone my friend... though you try."

Dean shook his head and pulled Cas in for a rough kiss, pulling away and saying resolutely, "But I can save you, Cas. Please, please just let me keep you safe."

Castiel brushed his thumbs over Dean's cheeks, giving him a sad smile before nodding. Dean pulled him in for another kiss to stop the tears from spilling over from his eyes. He knew what Cas meant, but he didn't care. Even if they were up against the entire combined armies of Lucifer and Michael, Dean was still going to fight. He was going to fight for Cas.

 


	19. Spider-man and Falling Angels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean gasped as that heat flowed through him again, but there was something different about it this time. It was hotter and more rounded, almost as if he'd only been feeling the tip of the flame earlier and now this was the entire thing, right down to the bluest, hottest part. Castiel's hand tensed and he pressed his forehead against Dean's, eyes squeezed shut, focusing on the warmth. Dean could feel it getting hotter, and he prepared himself for that mind blowing feeling that came when Cas did this.

Time moved quickly over the next several months. Sam was still doing great in school and, thankfully, there had been no more incidents with things like pictures of man eating monsters. Dean had scored a job at a automotive repair shop down the street. It was just like his old job, except his boss, a lumberjack of a man by the name of Bobby Singer, was a hell of a lot better than his last one when he'd been alive.

Cas insisted that they put the extra money into a saving account for Sam, instead of spending it on the Platinum Editions of Star Wars that Dean wanted to purchase. A college fund was a weird thing for two angels to be opening, but they were still trying for a normal life for Sam, and college was a good thing, even though Dean had a feeling that they might not make it that far down the road.

Dean was on the lookout 24/7 for anything that might signify that Crowley had sent demons to tail him again. Cas usually stayed inside so there was less chance of him being seen, but Dean still did double takes on the people who jogged by the apartment on Tuesday mornings.

Castiel kept Dean updated on the goings on of the Heaven angels. They seemed to have put their faith in Cas to raise Sam properly and were generally staying out of things, which was good. The less pairs of angel or demon eyes that they had watching them, the better.

Dean and Castiel were both caught off guard one morning when Sam asked shyly over pancakes, "Can I have a couple of my friends over for my birthday?"

Dean set his fork down with a soft clink on his plate. He wasn't surprised by the request in anyway, but if it was Sam's birthday soon, then that meant he and Cas had had Sam for almost a year now, which was mind boggling cause Dean still felt like it was yesterday when Sam was kicking the back of his seat and glaring him down while silent as hell.

"How many other children, Sam?" Castiel asked, setting his orange juice down.

"Just Jess and a couple boys," Sam replied, hopeful.

Castiel glanced at Dean and Dean smiled, turning to look at Sam. "I think that'd be fine. But the real question is, what kind of party are we talking here, Sammy?"

Sam's face lit up and he said quickly, "Spider-man!"

Dean rolled his eyes. "Still with the insect guy. But hey, your party. Spider-man it is. You want a piñata kinda thing?"

Sam shrugged and pushed at the pancakes on his plate. "I dunno. Jess said that she went to a party once and they had this big waterslide."

"Well I don't know if we can get a waterslide," Dean chuckled, "But how bout I take you down to the Party City in town and you can pick out what you want."

"Okay! Can Jess come too?"

"Sure."

Sam smiled widely and hopped off his chair to hug Dean and then Cas. Cas gave him a pat on his messy hair and then pushed him toward the bathroom with a, "Wash up and then Dean will take you out to get the party stuff."

Sam skipped off happily and Dean turned to Cas, raising an eyebrow. "Dude there is no way it's been a year already."

Castiel sighed. "Apparently is has been though."

"Jesus, time sure does fly." Castiel flicked Dean's knee under the table and Dean quickly muttered, "Sorry. No Lord's name in vain, I know."

Castiel cracked a small smile at Dean's apology and then checked to make sure Sam was still washing in the restroom before getting up from his chair and sliding into Dean's lap. He ran his hands down Dean's arms and then pressed his lips against Dean's in a soft kiss which quickly escalated into him sucking on Dean's tongue noisily while grinding their hips together.

When he tried to pull away and slip off Dean, Dean grabbed him by the hips and latched onto his neck, sucking a dark bruise there, nipping and then soothing with his tongue, eliciting a long moan from Cas, which ended with the other angel's fingers carding through Dean's hair and a loving kiss to Dean's nose as Dean ran his fingers over the dark mark on Castiel's white skin.

"You know," Dean whispered, his lips against Castiel's neck again, "In a few months it'll be the first anniversary for us."

Castiel chuckled and pressed a chaste kiss to the side of Dean's neck. "I thought you weren't into those kinda things."

"Well I am if it means I get to fuck you senseless."

Castiel went stiff and he leaned back so that he could look at Dean as he asked, "Would you like to have intercourse with me the way I did with you?"

Dean swallowed loudly. It was always this way with Cas, always so innocent in the way that Cas was so hesitant about sex. He always wanted to make sure that Dean was happy and ever since they discovered that this bond thing could intensify feelings, their sex life had been more than good in Dean's opinion. Cas worked him open like a pro now, sliding into him eagerly and constantly praising him and telling him how beautiful he was, but Dean hadn't really thought of turning the tables and being the one to dish it out to Cas.

Sure he'd fingered Cas a few times in the past, but he'd never thought that maybe Cas wanted to actually be fucked properly by Dean. The thought made his half hard cock perk up even more and he wet his lips before asking Cas, "Would you like that?"

Castiel's cheeks tinted and his fingers tightened on Dean's shoulders before he nodded slowly. Dean's smile made Cas go even redder and he buried his face in Dean's neck, nosing under his chin. Dean ran his hands up and down Castiel's back, resting his cheek on Castiel's hair as he scooted down a bit in his chair so that Castiel was pressed against him more.

He'd never be able to get over the fact that he had this now, that he and Cas were together in every way he'd ever wanted. More in fact, with their whole bond thing. Sometimes Dean felt as though their bond made emotions tangible. Like late at night when Cas would be in his arms and he would whisper "I love you" into Cas's ear. He could feel heat behind the words when Cas said them back to him. It was a physical heat that traveled through his vessel, not just that balloon feeling that people said they got when they were in love or whatever.

Having Cas was the main thing grounding him through all the shit with their opposing sides. Cas was his rock, despite how cheesy it sounded. The knowledge of Cas falling was always at the back of his mind and he felt like he should be the one soothing Cas at night, but it wasn't like that. Cas was the one who held Dean with strong arms and told him that they were going to get through this because Dean was still scared that he'd fuck up and wouldn't be able to keep Cas safe.

A tiny hand tugging at Dean's leg brought him out of his thoughts and he blinked down at Sam who was looking up at him with questioning eyes. Castiel's face was still pressed against Dean's neck and Dean didn't want to move, but it was obvious that Sam was ready to go shopping for his birthday extravaganza.

"Go get your shoes on and I'll be there in a sec," Dean told Sam, watching him run off into his room before he pressed a kiss to Castiel's hair and said, "I'm gonna take Sam out, and while we're gone, I suggest you find us a nice little place to spend our anniversary where I can hear you scream without having to worry about the neighbors."

He growled the last part into Castiel's ear and he could hear the little intake of breath before Cas tilted his head up and rammed his lips into Dean's. He probed his tongue into Dean's mouth and Dean ran his alongside it, savoring the soft groan from Cas he got in return. When the sound of Sam's footsteps came down the hallway, they broke apart and Castiel slid off Dean's lap and padded back toward the bedroom, tossing a "Have a good time" over his shoulder before shutting the door.

Dean took a couple of deep breaths, trying to get his heart rate back to normal cause Cas was a really good kisser and often had Dean getting hard from just a few minutes of making out. Dean heard the shower water running as he herded Sam out the door and part of him really, really wanted to be joining Cas in the shower, but Sam was yanking on his sleeve and they still had to pick up Jess before they headed down to the party store.

Through the most of the ride to Jess's house, Sam chatted animatedly about what kind of plates he was going to get and streamers. After he finished talking about the possibility of getting a real spider, he was quiet for a few minutes and then he asked, "Is Cas okay?"

Dean looked at him in the rearview mirror. "Sure, why?"

Sam fiddled with his sleeve as he said, "He was crying the other day and when I asked him why he wouldn't tell me."

Dean tried not to slam too hard on the breaks at the stop sign they were at. "When was this?" he asked, instantly worried cause Cas didn't cry unless it was something really serious.

Sam looked scared and he told him, "It was when you were at work on Saturday. I was playing Mario and I was hungry so I went to ask him for a sandwich and he was crying in your bedroom."

"And he didn't tell you why?"

Sam shook his head. "He told me he was okay, but he was still sad."

Sam's bottom lip quivered a bit and Dean made sure the intersection was clear before he asked, "Sammy you okay?"

Sam spoke to his lap. "I didn't like it when Cas was sad. It made me sad too and when I started crying he told me to stop."

Dean sighed. He wished that they weren't driving so that he could put an arm around Sam as he said, "Did it scare you to see Cas cry?"

Sam nodded and his lip quivered a bit more. Dean worried his lips a few times before he told him, "Cas is fine, Sam, and I know that it's sometimes scary when you don't know why something is happening, but you gotta listen to me when I tell you that I'm here for both you and Cas, okay? It's my job to make sure that you guys are happy."

He felt like it was a shitty response and Sam was quiet for a few moments before asking, "Is that why you were holding Cas this morning? Was he sad again?"

"No, he was just happy."

"He was?"

Dean nodded. "Yeah, he...uh, he just wanted to kiss me."

He cringed at how stupid it sounded, but what else was he supposed to say to a nearly eight-year-old? He wasn't having the sex talk with Sam yet, that was something that he was going to hold off on for as long as he could.

Sam's eyebrows drew together and he asked, "Does kissing make people happy?"

Dean laughed. "Yeah, sometimes it does."

Sam's face grew more serious and he said, "I hug Jess when I'm happy and when she's sad. Would kissing make her happier?"

"Uh, well, kissing is more an adult thing, Sam."

"Could I kiss Jess one day?"

Dean shrugged. "I suppose, but that's gonna be a ways down the road, buckeroo. For now you just stick with hugging, okay?"

Sam nodded and they went through a few more lights, the car silent, which Dean was grateful for cause he really needed to think on why Cas hadn't told him that he'd been feeling bad enough to cry a few days ago. Dean was definitely going to ask him about it after he got done with Party City. Maybe he could even get Jess's parents to let Sam stay at their house to play for a few hours to make sure he could give Cas his undivided attention.

Jess was waiting for them on her porch and she bounded happily over the Impala, slipping in beside Sam as Dean waved to her mom, who was waiting for Jess's cocker spaniel to take a piss in the front yard. Jess's parents weren't good friends of Dean and Cas's, but they knew them well enough that they were fine with their daughter staying over for extended periods of time at Dean's apartment. Plus Sam and Jess were pretty much inseparable, so play dates were a must.

On the way to Party City, Jess told Dean and Sam all about her new goldfish, which she had named Jasmine after her favorite Disney princess. The actual shopping took nearly an hour and Sam picked up nearly every Spider-man related thing before deciding on a party package that included Spider-man themed plates, cups, napkins, gift boxes complete with Spidey gifts and a piñata in the shape of the spider emblem. Dean ordered it and told the cashier that he'd be in to pick it up in a few days on Sam's actual birthday.

Sam and Jess sang Disney songs all the way back to Jess's house and Dean was wishing he were in a whole new world when they finally pulled up to the house. He'd sit through Disney movies happily, but when you heard the songs on repeat through the high pitched, often grating, voices of children, they tended to lose their magic.

Jess's mom was more than happy to let Sam stay over for a few hours and Den thanked her at least fifteen times before he actually pulled the Impala out of the driveway and headed back to the apartment. Cas was lounging on the couch and he gave Dean a smile as he threw the keys down on the counter before going to slump onto the cushion next to Cas.

Castiel put a bookmark in his book and leaned into Dean's side, lacing their fingers together as he said, "I looked up some hotels we could stay at for our anniversary. There's one about two hours that I think would be good."

"Sounds perfect," Dean mumbled. He licked his lips once and then cleared his throat. "Cas, Sam told me that you were crying the other day." Castiel didn't answer and Dean moved so that Castiel was in between his legs on the cushion. He ran his hands over Castiel's thighs. "Are you okay?"

Castiel didn't meet his eyes, but blurted out, "I'm fine."

Dean didn't believe him and he told him so, gripping his arms so that Castiel couldn't squirm away. "Cas, was it about falling?"

Castiel flinched at the word and then he leaned forward, dropping his head to Dean's chest and breathing deeply before his head jerked upward and he stared at Dean intensely. Before Dean could say anything, Castiel's fingers were at the hem of his shirt, yanking it over his head and laying it carefully over the back of the couch before slotting his hand over the handprint on Dean's shoulder.

Dean gasped as that heat flowed through him again, but there was something different about it this time. It was hotter and more rounded, almost as if he'd only been feeling the tip of the flame earlier and now this was the entire thing, right down to the bluest, hottest part. Castiel's hand tensed and he pressed his forehead against Dean's, eyes squeezed shut, focusing on the warmth. Dean could feel it getting hotter, and he prepared himself for that mind blowing feeling that came when Cas did this.

This time it was more than usual, it burned straight through him and left him panting like usual, but when he came down from the high, it felt as though he were still touching that fire, like he held it in the palm of his hand. He moved so that he were face to face with Cas and then he pressed his hand over his heart again, finding that warmth, that ember of power that was pure Cas.

Castiel made a whining noise in the back of his throat and he gripped Dean tighter, pressing closer so that Dean's hand was pushing against Castiel's chest. It still felt like he was holding a burning coal in his hands and it was scaring him a bit cause doing this bond thing with Cas had never felt like this before.

Almost as if he had read his mind, Castiel said softly, "It's different. You can feel it, can't you?"

Dean opened his eyes to lock with the burning blue of Castiel's. He gasped out, "What do you mean different?"

Castiel groaned a bit and put the hand that wasn't on Dean's shoulder over the hand on his heart. He gripped it tightly and then flattened his palm over the back of Dean's hand as he said, "My grace, it..."

He groaned and his body spasmed for the briefest of seconds before he slumped against Dean, his hand slipping from the mark on his shoulder. His voice was so small that Dean almost didn't hear him as he said, "I can feel it, and it's terrible."

Dean shook him slightly. "Feel what, Cas?"

Castiel raised his head slowly from Dean's chest and there were tears in his eyes as he croaked out, "Everything. I can feel it, Dean. Everything that I'm not supposed to."

To drive his point home, Castiel leaned forward and pressed his lips to Dean's. At the contact, Dean inhaled sharply. Every emotion was coursing through him, everything from hate to love, everything he knew Cas shouldn't be able to feel unless he had something more than just grace, which meant that Cas was definitely falling, because what Dean was feeling, that ember in the palm of his hand, it was the same thing that he often transported downstairs.

Souls were unique in that they were distinguishable from every other substance in creation. To him and his fellow demons they often appeared as a ball of burning light, powerful and impossible. At least that was how they looked up top, downstairs they took on the shape of the person they had belonged to so that there was something for the demons to carve off of, flesh for them to tear and rip and bones to break.

He'd seen enough souls in his time as an angel of Hell to know that this thing inside of Cas, Cas himself, was much more than just the grace Heaven angels had, and it terrified him. Terrified him to know that Cas had fallen this far, that he could experience each and every emotion known to man, that his love for Dean, for _him_ , had caused this to happen.

Dean vaguely recalled Cas telling him that something like this happening was very rare, and that when it did, this new soul was broken, but the thing Dean was currently touching didn't seem broken. In fact it seemed full of life, teeming with emotion, although Dean could feel that the most prevalent one was despair, a despair that he had never experienced, but that Cas must be feeling now as he pulled away from Dean slowly, until his lips just barely brushed over his.

Dean's eyes fluttered open and it took a few minutes for him to focus on Castiel's face. When he did, he reached out and brushed away the stray tears that had fallen on his cheeks before pulling Cas in for a tight hug and whispering, "It's okay, Cas."

"No it's not," Castiel gasped out, new tears falling onto Dean's chest, "I'm not supposed to feel like this. It's unnatural, a curse. I'm an abomination."

Dean tilted his face up so that he could look at Cas as he snapped, "Bullshit, Cas. Fucking bullshit. So what if you've been told that you aren't supposed to have a soul or whatever. Cas this," He reached out to that warmth again, caressing it in a way that shouldn't be possible and making Cas sag against him again out of pleasure while he finished, "Cas this is beautiful. You're beautiful and fuck the rest of your garrison if they say otherwise. Because I'd rather have you, Cas. Cursed or not."

Castiel's eyes were wide and Dean could only describe his expression as grateful when he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Dean's neck, letting the rest of his tears fall against Dean's skin. Dean rubbed his hands up and down Castiel's sides, cooing and telling him that everything was okay. When Castiel finally composed himself to talk again, it was so that he could kiss every part of Dean that he could reach, whispering "I love you" against each inch of skin. Dean let him and then pulled his face up so that he could kiss him properly and return the statement while pressing at this shining new marvel that was Cas, stroking along its edges and making sure that Castiel could feel that he meant each word.

They didn't move until Dean absolutely had to go pick up Sam and even then it was with parting kisses that lasted for two minutes of Cas still whispering how much he loved Dean. When Dean came back with Sam, Cas had dinner made already and he had a smile on his face through the rest of the evening.

As he was tucking Sam in for the night, Dean told him that Cas was feeling much better now and he didn't bother hiding his smile when Sam told him that he should keep kissing Cas so that Cas would never feel sad again. Dean told Cas about the whole kissing conversation as he crawled under the sheets next to him later and Cas laughed, a real laugh, the corners of his eyes crinkling up and his upper lip pulled back in a happy grin before he pulled Dean in for a kiss saying that he'd like to have some of those kisses now.

Dean had happily obliged and said kisses quickly turned into lazy hand jobs and then a shower to clean up that ended with Dean between Castiel's legs and Cas being much too loud in his praise of Dean's talented tongue. They finally settled back into the sheets with shower damp hair and sated smiles and Dean made a point of curling around Cas and holding him tightly as he told him those three words again and again.


	20. Anniversary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He felt a nervous sorta flutter in his stomach when he turned around to find Castiel standing beside the bed, in the process of unbuttoning his pants, his shirt already tossed away by the foot of the bed. Dean licked his lips a few times, fingering his own shirt and trying to figure out why there were butterflies flapping about in his gut? This sure as hell wasn't the first time he and Cas had fucked, but there was something about the way that Castiel was so eager, that excited energy which was emanating from him, that made Dean want to make this something special.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I missed a week in uploading! I had school stuffs.
> 
> But hopefully this chapter will make up for it! It's mostly smut, so enjoy!

Sam's birthday party was a huge success and Dean had never been so tired as he cleaned up paper cups and dumped uneaten cake into the waste bin. Cas was busy picking sticky candy out of Han's fur while the cat voiced his displeasure. Sam was passed out on the couch, clutching his new action figure to his chest while he snuffled a bit in his sleep.

Cas put him to bed soon after and then he and Dean both fell onto their bed, too exhausted to get fully undressed, settling for leaving their jeans on. Castiel's shirt was only halfway off, still looped around one side of his body as he started snoring softly. Dean didn't even bother to get it all the way off, scooting over to lay his cheek on the skin of Castiel's stomach that was exposed and falling asleep almost instantly.

The next few weeks were less exhausting. School ended and Dean gave Sam some flowers to give to Miss Harvelle on the last day. He returned the smile he got when Sam handed them to her and then they all made sure that there would be plenty of opportunities for Sam and Jess to see each other over the summer.

Dean nearly forgot about the anniversary until he ran into Charlie on his way back from Bobby's shop. She gave him a big smile and sidled up to him, a knowing look in her eyes. "So Monday, huh?"

Dean blinked at her. "What?"

She rolled her eyes. "Oh come on! Monday? Your anniversary with Cas? Or am I just watching Sam so you and Cas can go to the store for two days?"

"Oh shit," Dean said, nearly dropping his coffee mug, "I totally forgot about that."

Charlie smiled. "Well you better not forget on Monday, lover boy. Cas has told me all about how excited he is and the hotel he's picked out. Pretty sweet place."

Dean snorted. "Do you guys just chat while your cookies are in the oven or something?"

Charlie slapped him playfully on the arm and then looked stern. "You owe me a Lord of the Rings marathon for watching Sam, okay? I never got that rain check."

"How bout next weekend? We're not doing anything and Sam's got another play date with Jess."

"It's a date," Charlie beamed before telling him that he better give Cas a hell of a good anniversary.

As Monday neared, Dean found himself getting increasingly nervous for the anniversary. He knew that Castiel wanted him to fuck him, but it was still something they'd never done before and he remembered what had happened the first time they'd done something so intimate. He didn't think something as drastic as Cas bonding them would happen again, but he was still a bit nervous as he pulled up to the hotel that Cas had picked out.

It was a small hotel, modern enough and the lady who greeted the had a fake smile that pissed Dean off a bit. Castiel was buzzing with happiness though, and he hadn't let go of Dean's had the entire time they'd driven out here. He was still gripping it tightly as he pulled Dean toward the reception desk and gave the woman the name that he'd booked their room under, which was some name that Castiel had made up so that there room was booked for a Mr. and Mr. Jimmy Novak.

The woman clicked her tongue upon finding them in the registry and she handed Cas the key with a, "Enjoy the suite, Mr. Novak, and congratulations."

Dean eyed Cas suspiciously and Cas quickly thanked the receptionist before tugging Dean toward the elevator. At Dean's raised eyebrow Castiel said sheepishly, "I booked the honeymoon suite for us."

Any anxiety that Dean might have had melted when he saw the tiny smile Cas gave him and he was in Castiel's space in an instant, crowding him against the side of the elevator and kissing him soundly before saying, "Well we better put that room to good use then."

Castiel smiled happily and leaned up to kiss Dean again before the elevator doors opened. Dean took the key card from Cas and peered at the number for the room. It was at the end of the hallway and Cas couldn't seem to keep his hands off Dean as they made their way there. He was constantly touching him, running his fingers up and down his arm, pressing little kisses under his jaw as they walked and making Dean's stomach do a little flip flop each time.

When he finally succeeded in unlocking the door, he pushed it open to reveal the nicest hotel room he'd ever seen. It was obviously a honeymoon suite as evidenced by the fucking huge bed in the middle, littered with rose petals. Castiel instantly went to examine it with a look of awe on his face and Dean checked out the impressive Jacuzzi in the bathroom, making a note to use it later.

A steady pressure at his back made him grin and he sighed happily when Castiel began trailing kissed down the side of his neck before asking, "Is this good?"

Dean turned around and kissed Castiel's forehead. "It's great, Cas."

Castiel grinned and then his eyes slipped down to Dean's gray Henley, which was unbuttoned, baring a bit of skin, that Castiel ran his fingers over softly, saying, "I believe it's customary to," he cleared his throat, "deflower the bride in a place such as this."

Dean laughed and raised an eyebrow at Castiel. "Well you're hardly a blushing bride, Cas."

"No, but this will be my first time engaging in intercourse the way I'd like to."

Dean pursed his lips. "That's true." He put Castiel at arm's length. "You ready?"

Castiel nodded eagerly and went to go sit on the bed and wait as Dean fished the lube out of the one small bag they'd brought, which also had toothbrushes and some cash in it for whatever else they felt like doing for the rest of the time. Although Dean wouldn't have minded just staying in bed for the two days.

He felt a nervous sorta flutter in his stomach when he turned around to find Castiel standing beside the bed, in the process of unbuttoning his pants, his shirt already tossed away by the foot of the bed. Dean licked his lips a few times, fingering his own shirt and trying to figure out why there were butterflies flapping about in his gut? This sure as hell wasn't the first time he and Cas had fucked, but there was something about the way that Castiel was so eager, that excited energy which was emanating from him, that made Dean want to make this something special.

After slipping off his shirt, he tucked the lube into the back pocket of his jeans and went over to where Cas was slipping off his own jeans. He leaned over him so that when Castiel straightened back up he was pressed back against Dean's stomach, skin hot against skin.

Dean smiled at the little jump Cas gave and then kissed his shoulder, smoothing his hands down Castiel's sides and resting them on his hips as he whispered, "You're gorgeous you know that, right?"

Castiel bowed his head to his chest and put his hands over Dean's before turning around and looping them around Dean's neck, carding one through his hair and using it to pull him in for a heated kiss that had them both panting like horny teenagers when Castiel finally broke it off to tug Dean's jeans down. Dean stepped out of them and practically tackled Cas onto the bed, making the cliché rose petals scatter around them.

They spent several minutes just grinding together, both of them gasping as their growing erections pressed against each other. When Dean slipped a hand down to caress Cas through his tight boxers, Castiel jerked wildly and then he yanked his boxers off, getting them caught on his right foot and leaving them there so that he could get Dean's off as well. Both pairs were dropped unceremoniously onto the floor and they resumed their foreplay by kissing.

Castiel's mouth was hot and needy against Dean's and each little sound he made as Dean sucked on his tongue and lips was heavenly. Reluctantly he pushed Castiel off him, telling Cas, "Get on all fours, head facing the headboard."

Castiel obeyed, even sticking his ass in the air invitingly while Dean hopped off the bed to retrieve the lube from the pocket of his discarded jeans. He set it on the edge of the bed, easily within reach, and then proceeded to plant his back on the bed, his thighs on the edge of it, feet braced against the floor, head between Castiel's knees so that he was face to face with Cas's leaking cock.

He started by licking the precum off the tip, and Castiel groaned, staying still though, even though Dean could tell that he wanted to buck into the wet heat of Dean's mouth as Dean sucked him a bit, only stopping when Castiel began to tremble and cry out his name. He pulled away before Castiel got too worked up and the sound of loss that came from Cas's slack mouth made him grin.

He moved away and then crawled up onto the bed, bending onto his own knees and bracing his hands against Castiel's ass. He angled it so that Cas was bared for him and then he ran a finger down Castiel's spine, saying, "I'm gonna start now. Tell me if you need me to stop, okay?"

Castiel nodded, his head snapping up and down, body quivering in anticipation. Dean parted Castiel's cheeks all the way with his thumbs, drinking in the sight of Castiel's puckered opening, pink and perfect. Dean couldn't resist leaning forward and pressing a soft kiss to the hole, making Cas gasp out his name and move forward a bit. Dean leaned back so he could grab the lube and squirt it over his fingers before tentatively pressing his pointer finger into Castiel.

He'd had a total of two fingers inside Castiel before, but it never ceased to amaze him, the way Cas opened around his finger, eager and hungry, sucking it in as he gasped loudly. Dean shushed him and pressed a second digit in, scissoring them ever so slightly until he could feel less resistance. When he tried pushing a third finger into the rings of muscle, Castiel fell onto his elbows, panting into the sheets and whining out Dean's name.

"I hear you, baby," Dean soothed, pulling his fingers out in favor of rimming Castiel for a few minutes instead.

The sounds he got when he plunged his tongue into Castiel were glorious and his hard cock twitched at the loud groan that was barely muffled into the sheets Cas appeared to be biting. He pulled away with a filthy wet noise and kneaded Castiel's cheeks in his hands as he growled, "I told you I wanted to hear you."

"Dean please." Was the only response he got and he quickly put the three fingers in again, prying Castiel open even more and committing to memory each tiny sound that fell from Castiel's lips. Finally he added a fourth and final finger and Castiel's elbows gave out entirely as he fell onto the sheets, his face pressed into them, ass raised high for whatever Dean wanted, hands scrabbling at the comforter.

Dean stretched Cas wide, listening to each tiny change in his breathing and speaking soft praise to him as he moved his fingers in him. When he was wide and ready, he retracted the digits to replace them with his mouth again, licking into Castiel's hole, which twitched and tried to find something to latch onto other than the slick slide of Dean's tongue.

"So needy," Dean growled against the skin before he moved his mouth to suck a hickey into the pale skin of Castiel's buttocks.

Castiel shivered and then he jerked violently when Dean put his pointer in him again and swiped at his prostate once before quickly drawing it out, leaving his hole to close and open around empty air. When Castiel basically screamed his name, Dean finally sat up properly and slicked up his own dick, coating it from base to tip lazily, while he raked his eyes over Cas, spread open for him, quivering slightly as he canted his ass higher, wordlessly begging and making Dean's cock throb in his slick fist.

He pressed a single kiss to the knob of Castiel's spine before pressing the tip of his cock barely at Castiel's entrance. Cas's hips jerked back as he tried to get Dean to slip in further. Dean planted his palm on the small of Castiel's back and pushed in a bit further. He had to stop for a moment though and just enjoy the amazing pressure that was Cas.

"Christ, Cas," he gasped, his other hand gripping Castiel's left cheek, "You're so fucking tight."

A gargled "Dean" was the only response and Dean pushed in all the way, burying himself up to his balls in glorious, tight, Cas. He pulled out and then pistoned his hips into Cas again, drawing an animalistic noise from the angel beneath him.

On the fourth snap of Dean's hips against him, Cas seemed to get the idea, rocking back to meet Dean thrust for thrust until they were both panting loudly. Dean's right hand had worked its way into Castiel's hair and he was yanking his head to the side ever so slightly while the other held him in place by the hip as the sound of skin slapping against skin echoed through the room.

Dean had a hard time keeping track of who was making which moans, but every now and then Castiel would positively shriek in pleasure before burying his face into the comforter once more and mufling his cries. Dean yanked his head up, demanding, "Wanna hear you, Cas!"

Castiel's jaw went slack as Dean rammed into him again, stimulating his prostate. His eyes were wide and when he did make a sound it was a long drawn out whine that ended with him arching his back in a near impossible position and coming all over the sheets underneath him.

Dean gasped as everything became even tighter. He could hear Castiel's groan as he rode out his orgasm and the sound tipped him over the edge. He came hard and fast, emptying into Castiel before slumping onto him, pushing them both down on the sheets, which now smelled of drying semen instead of roses.

With a low grunt, Dean pulled his limp cock out of Cas and then flopped down next to him on the bed. Cas was still sprawled out, face down, his ass wide open despite the fact that Dean was no longer in it. A part of Dean wished he had a plug or something cause he'd really have loved to go another round, but he doubted that Cas was ready for sex toys, although the idea had merit for the future.

Dean propped himself up on his elbow and ran a hand through Castiel's sweat damp hair. Cas didn't move and for a moment Dean wondered if he had passed out, but then he raised his head up off the comforter and took a deep breath that ended in a shaky, "Dean."

Dean chuckled and ran his hands down over Castiel's sweaty skin. "Was it everything you expected?"

Castiel replied with a weak nod and then reached his hand over to Dean's, intertwining their fingers and pulling weakly on them. Dean's smile turned soft and he scooted over so that he could press a tender kiss to Castiel's open lips. Castiel made a disappointed sound when Dean pulled away to go grab a wet rag to clean up with.

He came back and ran the rag down Castiel's thighs and over his ass, clearing away the excess lube before pressing kisses to the places that he cleaned. Cas sighed happily and allowed Dean to flip him over so that he could get the jizz off his stomach and the front of his legs. Dean thought about licking up the cum around Castiel's dick, but Cas looked as though he were about to pass out at any second, so he just settled for the rag, quickly wiping Cas clean.

When Dean told Cas to get off the bed so he could take the soiled sheet off, Cas shook his head and curled up into a ball, reaching a hand out to Dean and groping at the air blindly. Dean swatted his fingers away and then made Castiel get up. Cas slumped against Dean and Dean held him up with one arm while tearing the messed sheet off with the other before letting Cas fall onto the under sheet.

Castiel sat on the edge of the bed and reached out to Dean again. Dean dropped the ruined sheet on the ground and stepped forward, fitting himself between Castiel's thighs and letting Cas kiss his way up his chest, making small humming noises and then motioning for Dean to dip his head down so he could kiss him properly.

Cas was never usually this affectionate after sex, and it was sorta weirding Dean out a bit. He pulled away from the slick slide of Cas's tongue, rubbing his fingers over Castiel's cheekbones and asking, "You okay?"

Cas nodded happily and then pulled Dean down on top of him so that they both were sprawled halfway on the bed. He giggled happily when Dean pressed a kiss to his collar bone and then said breathily, "I like it when you call me baby."

Dean snorted and moved them so that they were lying fully on the bed. He carded his fingers through Castiel's hair and Cas said softly, "I love you, Dean. I really do."

"I love you too, baby," Dean replied, using the word that he knew would make Cas smile wider.

Castiel's face lit up and he went to give Dean a sloppy kiss that ended in him just half heartedly mouthing at a spot under Dean's jaw. Dean angled his neck to give him better access, moaning encouragement when Cas began really getting into it, sucking and nibbling until Dean was sure there was going to be quite the impressive hickey there the next morning.

Castiel gave a quick nod after inspecting his work and then nestled closer to Dean. They spent several moments in content silence, and then Castiel said, "Dean, we should go to Disneyland for our next anniversary."

Dean laughed and pressed a kiss to Castiel's forehead. "Whatever you say."

The next morning, Dean awoke to Castiel rutting against his leg in his sleep. Dean's morning wood perked up expectantly at a low moan from Cas. He decided against a quick sleepy blow job cause the Jacuzzi was calling his name from the bathroom and he didn't want to be on the bed anymore due to the fact that the rose petal smell had come back and was bothering his nose.

He shoved at Cas to wake him up and Castiel blinked up at him sleepily, still slightly humping Dean's leg as Dean reached a hand down and ran his thumb down the shaft of Castiel's semi erect cock, musing, "I say we take care of that in the bathroom."

Castiel jerked a bit, but then nodded enthusiastically, following Dean eagerly. He set about finding some towels while Dean started up the Jacuzzi, making sure it was a decent temperature and that the water was all flowing properly before sinking into the warmth with a contented sigh. He closed his eyes and waited for the soft thump of towels being dropped onto the side of the tub and then the squelching of water as Castiel slid in next to him.

He cracked open an eye to watch as Castiel situated himself in one of the grooves of the tub, letting out a soft sigh before stretching out his right foot and brushing it along Dean's calf. Dean smiled and then slid through the water so that he was sitting in Castiel's lap, their partially hard cocks pinned between their stomachs.

Castiel looked at him through hooded eyes and Dean leaned down to capture Castiel's lips in a lingering kiss that escalated into him rocking against Cas slightly while Cas sucked on his bottom lip. When Dean slipped a hand between them and began fisting their dicks, Castiel drew his teeth across Dean's lip before throwing his head back and jerking his hips into the slow fuck of Dean's hand.

They both came quickly and Dean let the swirling water wash away the cum before going back to the other side of the tub and grabbing some nearby soap. As he started soaping up his forearms, Castiel gave him a look and the scooted over to him, planting himself between Dean's partially spread legs and leaning back against Dean's chest. He reached one hand behind him and angled Dean's face down so that he could kiss him softly.

Dean gave up trying to finish soaping his arms in favor for a long make out session. After Cas finally pulled away with a happy hum, he remained where he was, taking the soap from Dean and bringing it to a lather, which he rubbed over Dean's chest after turning around to face him. Dean let him soap him up and then did the same to Cas, moving onto shampoo afterwards and spending a long time styling Cas's hair in ridiculous ways.

They dried each other off afterwards and then spent a good deal of time using the room for its intended purpose again before finally checking out an hour later than they were supposed to, much to the annoyance of the hotel staff, who Dean pitied cause they weren't going to like the mess that he and Cas had made of the room.

The drive back to the apartment was spent listening to Led Zeppelin and Dean was rather impressed when Cas knew a few of the words and sang along with him, very off key, but the right lyrics nonetheless. They got back later than they'd told Charlie, so late in fact that both Charlie and Sam were passed out on the couch when they came in, and Dean didn't know whether to be angry or laugh when he saw that the two had made what looked like Storm Troopers out of marshmallows and chocolate syrup, which was all over the counter and meant that he and Cas would be doing some extensive cleaning of their own before they turned in for the night.


End file.
